Teen Pregnancies are Up

And the health organizations that are concerned with this sort of thing are walking around like guilty husbands, fiddling with tchochkes, and protesting in strange tones about how they have no idea how this 19 year trend was inexplicably reversed.

But then things start slipping out inappropriately in conversation. "Honey, you look fantastic in your Abstinence-Only Education"
"Cathy did you remember to pick up Abstinence-Only Education from her recital?"
"Baby, when we get home I'm going to flip you over and Abstinence-Only Education your asshole"

Here's the deal:

1) Human Beings like to fuck
2) Human Beings naturally start fucking pretty young.
3) Telling them not to - doesn't work - except of a statistically minor cohort. And that group doesn't not fuck at all - they just delay it, and they tend to pick up a wandering band of fellow STDs once they start.
4) So, basing your whole system of educating young human beings on how to fuck responsibly on the completely fantastically derived and whimsical idea that they'll just forgo it entirely tends to turn out... wait for it.
5) Higher teen pregnancies, YOU DUMB REPUBLICAN FUCKSHITS.
6) Thanks for strapping us with another generation of knocked up, and economically shackled single teenage mothers.