"Piss is flowing like a river, Flowing out of you and me, Flowing out into the desert, Setting all the captives free" - Piss Is Flowing Like A River, Anonymous
last week i signed up for some nice summer courses at an out-there community college. ancient and medieval history, a comfortable world of my interests, english 101, a reflection of past failures, and women's studies, a last resort. should i have used semicolons in there?
in the past i've enrolled in three semesters at a different community college, and i have twelve credits to show for the twelve classes i took. some i failed out of carelessnes, others i dropped, and others yet i failed because i was too lazy to drop them and just stayed home.
so, this summer i'll be evaluated for math placement. a kind counselor gave me a packet of sample questions and an answer key, and i looked over a couple on the train home, feeling hopeful and sharp.
i guess i should confess that i've never taken a college-level math class, stopping at geometry in high school because my graduation requirements did also. that was about eight years ago.. jesus christ. my mind has lost all of that, replaced by dumb facts about silverware.
tonight i drank five cups of coffee in preparation to study, remember, and feel alright about my upcoming assessment. oh, disappointment. i've got these problems, and im trying to wrap my mind around "elementary algebra" and i haven't the slightest idea of where to begin. each equation mocks me like an alien heiroglyph. even with the solutions, which i implant, i still can't fathom, i mean.. who would think up such a complex system, to get at the number nineteen?
what the fuck is this shit? gross.
so i started crying like a frustrated sixteen year old all over again, and now i'm on the internet instead. i wonder if i can bypass the assessment altogether and just sign up for the lowest level math they've got.
marcia [email] said at 9:13 PM 05-15-2006: i still have dreams (a lot of them) where i have to go back to highschool because i somehow forgot to take certain key math classes to get my diploma. and in the dreams i'm taking math tests(with the problem you mentioned above) and knowing i'll never graduate from highschool because there is no way i'll ever be able to underastand those math problems. and i keep thinking, "jesus, i'm fucking 29 years old and i had to leave DC and leave a good job to go back to high school and i can't even graduate because i keep failing these shitty tests! when will this END?" and i always wake up in the midst of a panic attack. it's horrible.
does anyone ever use their math skills again other than to balance their check book? or to figure out a tip? i mean, seriously...everything i ever needed to learn about math i learned by 4rd grade.
abby [email] said at 9:17 PM 05-15-2006: the entire world knows we never use this. its probably some sort of tool of the zionist illuminati to keep the incapable humiliated and powerless.
brandon [email] said at 9:47 PM 05-15-2006: This might sound retarded, but, if you learned it in the past, it's still there, read one of those Cliff's Quick books, or something like it, your brain will go back and remake all those lost connections. I went through this with the GRE last year and felt like the stupidest human being alive. I mean, fractions - c'mon I had actually forgotten which one is the denominator and which the numerator. Your brain behaves like a muscle, that's all. You wouldn't expect to run a marathon after blowing off jogging for 8 years, right?
abby [email] said at 9:49 PM 05-15-2006: thanks, brandon, but you're giving me way too much credit. like the amount of credit a normal person deserves.
i was never good at math, and i only even passe dbecause i begged my teachers or cheated.
myriam [email] said at 10:23 PM 05-15-2006: If I were nearby I'd offer my services and a glass of wine. You'll get it! Maybe someone can make a comfortable environment for you where you won't get stuck going down that spiral of frustration. I know how that feels.
Also, curiously enough, in five years of college I never had to take a single math class, and now I am an architect. Ha!
zack [email] said at 10:28 PM 05-15-2006: ....I am similary challenged, abby. I barely made it through the basic dumb-people maths I had to take at LSU.
jess [email] said at 11:39 PM 05-15-2006: I failed as a physics major because I suck at math. I could barely do whatever crappy Montgomery College linear algebra class when I started taking nursing classes, even.
abby [email] said at 12:15 AM 05-16-2006: you would be so frustrated and blown away by my numerical retardation celebration, i don't know if i want ot subject anyone to that. except a paid teacher, i guess. i'll keep an open mind, though.
dave [email] said at 10:53 AM 05-16-2006: the secret to math is lotsa practice. do tons and tons of problems even if you don't understand them. you'll find down the road the understanding comes along.
NathanK said at 7:04 AM 05-18-2006: Dave is right. The secrets are practice and coffee. You have to do every step and practice an hour a day. After a month you will get that it is a way of thinking and a trancendental one at that...it clears the mind.
abby [email] said at 2:32 PM 05-16-2006: an update: all morning/afternoon i've been doing silly little equations on a site i'm sure the nation's middle schoolers turn to for help. i think it is totally working for my mind!
Aubrey said at 11:13 PM 05-16-2006: Abbz, I just looked at that math placement packet out of curiousity (I'm assuming we have the same one: DESTINATION SUCCESS) and I found some pretty freaking rediculous questions, as well. frankly, I feel that their choice of font (I believe it may be Arial Black or something bold and round in the like) create the possibility of mistaking numbers for letters and that sort of crap.
