i am lazily posting this update on my friend's amazing evening. in which life may have been created in a ledroit park bedroom that may have never actually seen heterosexual action!

names have been lamely changed.

A LESBIAN BABY IS MADE

by Manuel

What a weird night it was last night, dear. Oh my. So, what happened was they showed up egregiously late, which I was pissed about until I got a neurotic call from Jane apologizing frantically. During this time, karen, shawn and craig made fun of me ruthlessly, taking full advantage of the moment to make every possible beat off, erection maintenance, lesbian baby joke they could think of. This was pretty funny. I drank wine and smoked pot. J&B showed and, after high-fiving Bonnie, I went into my bedroom, managed to finally quit giggling, looked at porno on the internet, and masturbated into a little dish around the edges of which I had written the inspirational messages "spooge (just add egg)," "the bastard child of 1,000 maniacs," and "USA." Then, I used a syringe with a long, skinny humming bird nose on the end of it to slurp all the sperm up. Jane and Bonnie went into my bedroom for about a half an hour, wherein Jane laid on the floor and Bonnie helped her get all the goo up in her. Apparently, none oozed back out. then we sat around giggling, making bad jokes, and I had switched to whiskey left over from the party. A protocol to leave after such an event had not yet been established, so eventually I told them that there was no need to sit around in the afterglow w/me any longer, at which point they went home, Bonnie to plan her lessons for tomorrow, Jane to incubate and look over a friend's comp lit paper. I watched old buffy episodes.

i am SO exited for them. so excited that i don't want to mention that weed and whiskey only create babies when you don't want them.