I've been tired for over ten years.
I am constantly in trouble for being late to work, and no matter what I do or when I go to bed, I just never feel ready to get up in the morning.
Am I really such a weak-willed piece of shit?
My inability to get up in the morning makes me feel like a loser for the rest of the day.
I like to imagine getting up and showering and being five minutes early instead of five minutes late.
It just never happens.
So many times I've thought to myself that maybe ___ would change me. Diet. Excercise. Anti-depressants. Booze. Going to bed at 8pm.
But once 8am comes along, I can never resist the snooze button.
I can't think of many mornings when there was something worth getting up early for.
Its likely that I would sleep in on my wedding day.
On weekends, I sometimes can't make it to the post office, which closes at two.
Todays email from my manager: "The 9am-6pm hasn’t seemed to make a difference. What do you suggest we try to make certain you are here on time each day?"
Fucking kill me, thats what we can do.
I seriously hate this about myself and I hate that it matters and I can't imagine what will ever change me from being a sleepy late worthless fucking waste.
shauna [email] said at 1:08 PM 03-24-2005: i actually did sleep in on my wedding day. i had to put my makeup on in the car.
i am the laziest lazy that ever lazed. i sleep until the sun goes down unless someone makes me get up. i managed to get up an hour early to do yoga and eat for like a week, and that was great. then i was like, fug this, i'm sleeping for 45 more minutes!
ever try setting your clocks early? my mother does this bizarre thing where her clocks are all 35 minutes fast. it drives everyone else nuts.
shauna [email] said at 1:28 PM 03-24-2005: i loooove sleep. more than life. just me and things i can't be held responsible for in my head. thing is, i can't make myself sleep before like 3 a.m.
also, when i started this job, my boss said he really didn't care when i came in, since i stay so late. so i brought the whole office down to coming in at noon! ha. lowering productivity every chance i get.
ed [email] said at 2:36 PM 03-24-2005: Oh, amen! I can attest to that firsthand. But I would describe the CPAP mask as anything but cool. It's a PITA. Definitely a worthwhile PITA, though.
kevin [email] said at 2:21 PM 03-24-2005: alarm clocks suck. my experience to get around this stuff was to work later shifts. i go to work at around 12noon or so, that way no alarm clock is needed and i can just wake up whenever my brain tells me too. sleep is the best!
shauna [email] said at 2:23 PM 03-24-2005: what is that, exactly? sometimes matt stops snoring during the night and i find myself hunched over his face making sure he's breathing.
ed [email] said at 2:50 PM 03-24-2005: Stopping snoring is a warning sign, but the key issue is stopping breathing altogether. I suffer from this condition, although not nearly as severely as I did when I weighed almost twice what I do now.
It is corrected either by surgery, or more commonly by use of a Continuous Positive Airway Pressure (CPAP) machine, which keeps a constant flow of air going down your throat, which keeps it from closing. It's hell to get used to it, but once you do, you sleep better than you have in years and years.
milky [email] said at 3:25 PM 03-24-2005: I'd be inclined to agree. I've had two painful surgeries and I'm in need of a third, more drastic one in I do go the surgical route.
dave [email] said at 2:28 PM 03-24-2005: is your room dark? i find if i am in a dark room it has the casino effect and i never know if it's day or night. try sleeping with the curtains open so the daylight will be in your room.
julie [email] said at 3:11 PM 03-24-2005: I'm sorry, Kara. I can definitely sympathize with the inability to get out of bed in the mornings. In fact, I'm late to work pretty much every morning. I have never understood those people who can just pop right up, all perky and ready to start the day, when their alarms go off. I never really feel awake until about 2pm, caffeine/work/early meetings be damned. I had ONE class in college that started before 11am, and I ended up having to drop it.
brad [email] said at 5:03 PM 03-24-2005: 11am, ha. I had a physics class at 7:30, and I dropped that. The grading curve in that class was huge. I think the class average for exams was around 50.
myriam [email] said at 10:36 AM 03-25-2005: don't want to worry you, but... MS? lethargy at spotty times is a symptom.
but anyway... i feel your pain. i spend most mornings cursing myself for being a shitty late person, always always like an hour or more late to work, barely making really important client meetings 5 mins late after taking a CAB even, just general shittiness.
i'm sorry, i don't have any advice. i have tried to fight it for years and basically i gradually realized that it's not that i'm lazy, or that i'm not a morning person (because oddly, i am), it's just that i just plain do not like getting up out of bed, and i cannot hurry myself for the life of me. so i got a job that lets me come in whenever i want and work hourly.
...but I still hate myself for it.
ha, this is a depressing comment! sorry i can't help. maybe have someone call you, sometimes that works for me.
brad [email] said at 5:06 PM 03-24-2005: I've actually slept through an hour of my alarm, a few times in the past year. I didn't snooze through it, I just didn't wake up!
Anonymously Empathic said at 5:25 PM 03-24-2005: Stop beating yourself up...did you know people got 10-12 hrs of sleep before electricity. Now the standard is 8...but it's not enough...for anyone. Your body is right...it's the alarm clock that's wrong. Also Americans work WAY more than Europeans... or other places I've never been to. Anyway, please don't feel bad. You should feel tired. Last night I had plans to go out but crashed at 8:15 and got up for work at 8:30. I was going to feel bad about it, but didn't. I needed the sleep. Listen to your body. If every once in a awhile (like one day in the middle of the week) you CAN just go to sleep at 8, DO IT. Sleeping is the only thing that really helps being tired. All that caffiene people take daily is only going to age them, give them cancer, and other crap they aren't aware of....just listen to your body, and don't think others aren't walking around comatose...unfortunately most people are WAY more tired than they know, and I truly believe our society would be a hell of a lot better off if we'd all cut each other some slack and just take it easy. The only problem when you do get enough sleep (as I try to do) is you realize how fucked up everything/everyone is because you are well-rested and start taking notice of stuff you'd otherwise be oblivious to because you'd be preoccupied with daydreaming about sleep (pun intended)
brianbibbly [email] said at 5:54 PM 03-24-2005: Stop listening to all these "I'm sorry" enablers and suck it up and get the fuck out of bed. How worthless are you if you can't even get out of the bed in the morning? Get the fuck up you lazy sack of shit.
kara [email] said at 9:34 AM 03-25-2005: Hmm no not really...
I just called the hospital where I had my sleep study done, and had it sent to my new doctor. My other doctor was really rude to me about this whole matter
kara [email] said at 10:50 AM 03-25-2005: All of my doctors at the general hospital were shitty.
I had a good one who helped me order the sleep study, but then he wasn't available when I went to make my follow up appointment, and the doctor that I saw wouldn't answer any of my questions.
So many doctors have been really dismissive of me and I always accept it and assume they're right, until my problems go back to the breaking point of miserable again.
I have a new doctor now and she seems okayyy, although she did almost let me die in November.
art said at 10:57 AM 03-25-2005: Keep trying doctors until you find the right one, Kara. It make take a dozen, but sooner or later you'll find a good one that can help you.
In the meantime, it's cool your company still seems willing to work with you.
Maybe something like this would work: Wake-Up Call Service. Only it might work better if Boot-Camp Bibbly were on the other end harrassing your ass.
reggie [email] said at 8:43 AM 03-25-2005: Wow Kara you and I are like the complete opposite in this matter. I pretty much am capable of going on only 4 to 5 hours sleep, I'm the only person I know who's both a morning and a night person. Sometimes I sleep in when I don't have to work but usually no matter what time I went to bed I always wake up early. The only time I ever need an alarm is if I have to wake up earlier than usual. When I do use my alarm I always keep it on the opposite side of the room so that I literally have to get up out of bed to turn it off, and it's so loud and annoying that sleeping through it is dang near impossible.
I've found that cold temperatures make me drowsy (which sucks when I go the movies.) I drink coffee but not for the caffeine, I just like the taste of coffee.
I don't really like sleeping. I should probably clarify that: when I'm tired then I love going to sleep. But I don't sleep for very long because I feel like there's something I should be doing...which usually means writing. I used to do my best writing fresh out of bed in the morning. I do my best brainstorming late at night, then go to bed and in the morning I'm ready to write.
On the flipside, my sister could probably sleep through an alien invasion.
I don't know how any of this is supposed to help you but I just thought I'd share... Oh! I suppose the bit about the alarm being on the other side of the room was the advice.
brad [email] said at 12:52 PM 03-25-2005: Eating better and getting a little excercise seems to have helped me. And by excercise, I don't mean a serious workout -- just 20 minutes of doing something enough to raise your heart rate significantly helps.
crystal [email] said at 2:15 PM 03-25-2005: I don't want to sound all - counselor/therapist like, but some of what you are saying reminds me of a mild type of ongoing depression called Dysthymia. You may already be familiar. I just wanted to list the symptoms to see if you thought they were familiar. Not everyone likes to see a counselor or therapist, but if you are open to it, it may help.
The symptoms are listed as such;
Depressed mood for most of the day, for more days than not, and ongoing for at least two years. During this time, there must be two or more of the following symptoms: under– or over eating, sleep difficulties, fatigue, low self-esteem, difficulty with concentration or decision making, and feelings of hopelessness. There can also not be a diagnosis of Major Depression for the first two years of the disorder, and has never been a manic or hypo-manic episode.
I also have to agree with Brad. A little exercise WILL help! I know it sucks. It helps to find something that you like to do, like roller skating. well, at least I like that... Just think outside the box for exercise... dog walking - borrow someone's dog... I don't know.
kara [email] said at 2:25 PM 03-25-2005: Excercise gives me energy for about an hour afterward, but doesnt help me in the mornings.
I've just begun an excercise program again and am pretty pysched, because I am also frail these days due to my Crohn's.
However, I went through a period of unemployment where all I did was go to the gym... and sleep.
kara [email] said at 2:27 PM 03-25-2005: Thanks for the mood disorder advice! Is it treated with anti-depressants? I've tried a lot o' those.. and they help my mood but dont help me wake up
kara [email] said at 2:29 PM 03-25-2005: For what its worth, i looked at the results of the sleep study when i was last in the drs office in october, and it said that sleep apnea was detected, but the amount of data was insufficient.
I made a new dr appt in a few weeks
Sunday said at 2:50 PM 03-25-2005: Sounds like you may have a Thyroid Disorder which is very hard to diagnos. Most tests don't detect Thyroid Disorder so you should try to find a doctor that will treat it based on symptoms and not some dumb test that is completely unreliable. The most common symptoms are fatigue, weight gain, depression, muscle aches, joint pain, dry skin, loss of mental clarity, brittle hair and or hair loss, a constant feeling of being cold, etc... yay! Most doctors treat hypothyroidism with Armour and let me tell you it works wonders. SNOOZE? what snooze?
