I can offer anything from making simple phone calls to people you don't feel like calling back, to more complex things like helping you with your math.
it will work like this:
you come up with something you'd like me to do for you. i will agree to it and will seriously convince myself that i will have time for it, but then i won't.
several months will pass, and you will get nothing.
christian [email] said at 9:55 PM 03-08-2005: a friend of mine keeps trying to rip my 'i <3 meat' pin off my jacket. can you hook me up with another one to get her off mmy back. tanks ben youre teh best!!
abby [email] said at 10:01 PM 03-08-2005: hey yeah, i want some meat pins too. please walk my dog for me. also present me with your recipe for mashed potatoes.
kevin [email] said at 10:43 PM 03-08-2005: ben...each week your comic brings joy to the entire washington metro area(there is even a citypaper machine in front of npr now..whoo hoo!). you give us all that gift. every week!
so what i want is for you to relax, enjoy and make some YOU time.
kevin [email] said at 12:20 AM 03-09-2005: Ben.. if you honor Bibbly's request and kill me, i would prefer that you let Knifey do his magic and take me out laughing.
brandon [email] said at 12:20 AM 03-09-2005: squid-head, idea for a combined fappy and snakey and knifey tattoo, the chance to for us to turn back the clock and be the friends I always wanted us to be, that I was too afraid to become.
carla [email] said at 12:16 PM 03-09-2005: ben i had a very vivid dream last night in which I was living in a giant warehouse and you sent me this great carepackage that had tons of neat toys and old vintage furniture and cds and other cool stuff in it. The whole dream had me going around to people in the warehouse to show them all the neat stuff you had sent me but despite this, I just really wanted you to hang out and you couldn't for some reason.
Anyway, I was really bummed this morning when I woke up with no cool toys and furniture and a heaping helping of lady cramps.
kara [email] said at 12:25 PM 03-09-2005: When I used to watch Wizard of Oz, I would always think about how she had to wake up and not have her giant lollipop and gifts from the munchkins.
reggie [email] said at 8:59 AM 03-10-2005: That is by far, one of the brain's cruelest tricks ain't it? You have a dream where you get like a buncha money, or toys, or I don't know sex or something and then you wake up with nothing. There's like a genuine sense of loss, like you really did own whatever it was and now it's lost in your subconscious...
RedSparrow said at 4:36 PM 03-09-2005: Bring your ass to my house already so we can play some music! And bring an amp. because you can't hear anything over my drums and I don't have one.
brad [email] said at 4:48 PM 03-09-2005: I want a 6.0 megapixel digital camera, a dutch oven, a small saucepan, a good set of knives, a PS2, a new turntable, a new wardrobe, a pair of nice boots, a new car, my computer and credit cards paid off, a fully stocked liquor cabinet, a massage... I think that's it. I'll let you know when I think of more.
