Today, while driving home from class among the plebeian hoards on the Leo Frigo Memorial Bridge, I took the time to survey the wondrous expanse of land and water unfurling itself around me and sinking into the horizons. I breathed a knowing, satisfied sigh. I have always known that one day--very soon--this will all be mine.

Ever since I was child, I knew that I was destined to wield supreme power over all other living beings. I mean, why else would I have been given such a superior intellect, innate sense of fairness, and saintly compassion for beings who (by all logic and reason) are hardly worthy of laying before me on the squalid earth so that I might momentarily grace their puny lives by treading upon their insignificant corpses?

I am so beautiful and so wise. There is little doubt that I was lovingly, painstakingly sculpted by the hand of God and placed among His wretched, wayward creations to show them the ultimate perfection that they spend their miserable lives hopelessly struggling to achieve, and direct them to the path of righteousness through my own unblighted example. Without me, they are like beached fish pathetically flopping in the scorched sand; so frantic to find water that they foolishly expend their last morsels of energy moving nowhere and dying bloated and gagging in the relentless sun. I am the tide that clenches them in my watery arms and delivers them to water.

Of course, for my provision of absolute contentment and a universally successful Utopian world, I expect certain perks. For instance, I expect many odes to be written to me, attesting my various glories so that all corners of my earthly domain might know the omnipotent splendor of Amanda. I would also demand the offering of 27 (my favourite number!) verified virgins each day, so that I might bathe in their pure, saliferous, life-sustaining blood and know the all-consuming, sacrificial devotion of my subjects. They will love me so that they will offer me the lives of their sons and daughters as a measure of gratitude for my all-around greatness.

That is the future. I am certain that, now that you know the perfect world of unending happiness that awaits you in the foreseeable future, you are growing impatient for the imminent day when I will assume my rightful place as your all-powerful overlord. Though that day fast approaches, I must also be patient and first complete my attainment of absolute awesomeness. We all know how awesome I am right now, but I can feel more and more awesomeness being added everyday. Until I finally max my awesome metre out, I must wait to take my place at the throne of the world. Until then, the fact that you even know someone so awesome will have to suffice.