Well, I have been too busy working on stuff and recouperating from my recent rib injuries to start my plan of letting Killoggs create my dating profile and make my personals ads, but here is step one: Killoggs, help me write a Craigslist post.
Write whatever you want, or collaborate on it. I will post it, and post any responses I get so that Killoggs can decide how I respond. I would assume that dudes that write these things get less responses than girls, but hey, we'll see. If this results in any interaction with any humans, I will post about it here in excruicatingly painful and embarrasing detail.
Perhaps a good starting point for the ad would be something to do with my broken ribs?
julie [email] said at 12:15 PM 10-08-2004: Whatever. I'll post all the responses to CL, FOR REAL! Who cares? It's anonymous and it's free. Who is getting jollies from this again?
josh [email] said at 12:46 PM 10-08-2004: Yes, but will you actually go out on a date with the people that respond?
I'm saying, the best response to this thread, I will post, then actually met whoever responds, then post about it in detail - with pictures. If you will do that as well, definitely go for it because I bet you will get way more responses than me.
josh [email] said at 2:43 PM 10-08-2004: I was completely honest in this thread, or the other one, where I said I was trying to become an internet personality.
julie [email] said at 2:47 PM 10-08-2004: All I mean is, I don't even have time to go out on real dates, much less fake dates. But more power to you. I think you should wear a cape on these days, btw.
julie [email] said at 12:02 PM 10-08-2004: If we wanted to experiment with posting funny personal ads to Craigslist, why would we need to hide behind you in order to do it? CL is anonymous, anyway. I really don't see the point of this.
josh [email] said at 12:47 PM 10-08-2004: Because I'm going to actually go on dates with the people who respond, even if I never would want to, then post about the results? You are free to do this as well - please do, in fact.
meredith [email] said at 12:03 PM 10-08-2004: Josh do you have any qualities that you feel we should highlight? What do you think are the best things about your personality? What are the things that you do that make you the most INTERESTING?
josh [email] said at 2:03 PM 10-08-2004: well, i just want to create interesting adventures... i would never put a craigslist ad up for serious since they are usually really disturbing.
i am a semi-jaded dorky pseudo-hipster who likes to argue and drink beer, but recently had a liver injury which precludes drinking for awhile.
meredith [email] said at 12:12 PM 10-08-2004: Ah ha ha! That's awesome. Especially since Josh wasn't going to vote. You could escort her, watch her vote, then take her out for a beer.
andyr said at 12:16 PM 10-08-2004: I HAVE A COMMUNITY OF SHOUTERS ON MY SIDE.
I am Josh. I need not speak for myself for I have a community of shouters on my side. While most may be required to write clever, yet, simultaneously semi-illuminating self-descriptions, I need not do that for I have a band of fools who I command. When requested, they speak my words for me. Some might say that one can accuratly describe themselves better than others can. Others might disagree. Well, I have the best of both worlds to offer you! I have others describe me, while pretending to be me. You could say you may, after reading this, know more about me than anyone. You'd probably be wrong though.
Perhaps I should explain why I have a cadre of followers singing my praise of me, for me.
Perhaps. Perhaps, I would give too much to you if I were to do that right now.
Perhaps I will refrain.
Perhaps my recordings will speak these words better. Perhaps the overall feel that you get from the bands that I ask to record for me can spell out words that describe why I have a crew on my side. McCarthyism, I ask of you, why do these people do this for me? My record label can't speak. It did not answer.
Perhaps, my dirty-in-a-cute-punk-rock-way house has walls that can talk. Dirtfarm, what say you? Nothing. Walls cannot speak. What then? Perhaps, my mish-mash of housemates have something to say about me that will tell you why I have a band of brothers speaking for me. Perhaps one of them is writing this right now. Who do I ask now? Confusion! Josh... ME. I am writing this; not a housemate!
I was about to write more, but I must stop for several reasons. First, I have found the answer! Second, this is starting to sound crazy. Third, this minion is growing tired of this. Wait! What?! The answer? Oh yes.
The answer lives in between the visuals of my favorite horror movie, "Insert Name Here and the sounds of my favorite metal band "Insert Name Here". Listened to in tandem, the answer is there!
Join me for a watch and a listen and you will know why I am 27 years old and have this big fucking posse.
woody [email] said at 12:31 PM 10-08-2004: BABY BIRD / Fed up with watersports? Constrained by traditional dominant- submissive roles? Try a more nurturing role: feed me like a baby pelican! Both sexes welcome. I supply the raw herring, you bring the big strap-on beak. No weirdos please.
woody [email] said at 2:36 PM 10-08-2004: HAHAHA! Dude, I thought you said you like sushi. That means hunks of raw fish, or hunks of raw fish on a little ball of rice. A real sushi chef won't even make rolls and will force his underlings to do that. True story.
Bob [ url ] said at 4:21 AM 10-10-2004: Am I suffering "White Noise" style toxic-chemical-induced deja vu, or has this exact same debate occured on Killoggs before?
No, on second thought, don't answer that...
{pedant} and sushi isn't raw fish, sashimi is raw fish {/pedant}
meredith [email] said at 2:42 PM 10-08-2004: Hi beautiful,
A lot of people say that I am way too blunt and tactless. I just think I’m keeping it honest. I am looking for a girl who feels the same way. Since I am telling it how it is, I’ll be honest. I am looking for someone attractive and smart. Seriously. Have you been to college? Did you get decent grades? Are you doing something decent with your life? You are who I am looking to meet. About me, obviously, I will never lie to you, you don’t have to worry about that. I have an open mind, but I have to admit am somewhat racist and sexist. I mean, stereotypes exist for a reason, don’t they? However, I completely believe that smart, capable women should be able to get ahead in their fields just as men do. I am intelligent and attractive. I want a woman who is up to challenging me as I will challenge her. A woman who doesn’t mind the occasionally political or economic sparring match. Longer hair and decent sized breasts are a plus. Like, I said, I am completely honest. I work out and I have dark brown hair and brown eyes if that meets your criteria. Hey, fair is fair. Also, please be able to speak up for yourself. I can’t stand a mousey girl. In short, I am an intelligent, attractive and capable man with strong opinions able to take care of myself and I am looking for the same in a woman. If this is you, please contact me.
josh [email] said at 3:10 PM 10-08-2004: I want to avoid ads that will get sad, lonely people and focus on jerky people. Because I would feel too bad messing with sad lonely people.
julie [email] said at 1:19 PM 10-09-2004: Haha, Josh made the ladies of CL very angry with his post. They're mocking his ad in the Men Seeking Women page....
For those of you unfamiliar with CL, I should note that these "replies" are not people who have responded directly to Josh's ad-- no no, these are people who are commenting on Josh's ad in the main forum for everyone else to see. The MST3K commentary bots of CL, if you will.
kiche [email] said at 7:04 PM 10-11-2004: i've seen josh dressed up exactly like that picture in the second link. except he doesn't have patches or stripes on his outfit.
and he goes on like, "LO! I AM OZEFOR, 7th level magic user..."
myriam [email] said at 11:55 AM 10-11-2004: me: Tallish, dark hair and eyes, sexy tanktop-shaped forehead, enjoys metal and morning-after breakfasts at the local greasy spoon. I'm really really smart. Also very good with computers and I like to think I'm an artistic person. I know a lot about horror movies and about the difference between "urban" and "suburban." Also I read the occasional book. The last one I read was ______. (You might say I'm a bit of a renaissance man!) If you like these things, then great, we have things to talk about. Although really I'm never much at a loss for things to talk about.
Physically, I'm a strong man, and my many women friends say I have the nicest calves they've ever seen. While I wouldn't say I'm a "heavy drinker," I do enjoy the occasional liquor-induced bout of violent activity. Which reminds me, we can't do anything strenuous on our date because my ribs are still cracked from last weekend. But anyway, yeah. I live in a fun house with a varying assortment of friends, which we affectionately call 'the dirtfarm" for no particular reason.
you: are hot. In particular you are generously proportioned in the upper chest area. Also it would be good if you had decent taste in music and movies. If you bought the last creed album, you are not for me. especially if you think creed was what i meant when i said i liked metal. you should be reasonably intelligent, because I deal with complete idiots all day at work and I'd like something else to look forward to at the end of the day. I am also looking for someone active--I run around a lot and like to play. You should have pretty good stores of energy.
If this sounds good to you, email me right away! Photos will get photos.
myriam [email] said at 12:01 PM 10-11-2004: ha ha, i was trying to go for something close enough to realistic that it would actually get responses. it's a shame about the dirtfarm; that was my favorite line! mb we could change it to "the dirtyhouse" or something innocuous.
julie [email] said at 11:59 AM 10-11-2004: I thought it was called the dirtfarm for the same reason it's called a potato farm or a fish farm-- cuz that's what grows there.
myriam [email] said at 12:03 PM 10-11-2004: also I think we should add the phrase "devilishly charming" in there somewhere. or the word "dashing." that'll get the chix!!!
