It's funny how many well-intentioned people have decided that it's been long enough... and are now actively (and obnoxiously) urging me to get back out there and find me a woman.
I DON'T WANT ANOTHER WOMAN.
Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying it won't ever happen. I can't foretell the future. And that's likely a Good Thing. (Actually, I have several times foretold the future, and always hated it when I was proved right, but that's a different story for a diferent day.)
I met, fell in love with, married, and spent just over 20 years with my True Love. What could compare to this?
"Oh, the right woman for you will come along."
How insulting can you POSSIBLY be? She already did.
"We need to get you a nice (Christian) woman".
What are you, a PIMP FOR GOD? I don't NEED, nor do I WANT another wife.
I am just now, at 40, learning how to be ME. I was a kid, a family member, a child living at home when Barb and I met. When I moved out on my own, I went from being son/brother to being boyfriend. I moved on to fiancee and husband. Not once in my life - ever - have I just been me.
This isn't to say that I relish the prospect. I *loved* being a husband more than anything, ever.
But now that I'm just me, for the first time in my life, I'd like to see how I manage it. I've made mistakes in the last year and a half. Trust me, I have. And I'm paying for them. But they are MY mistakes. There's no one to blame for these mistakes but me. And as scary and sad as that is, that's what I *need* right now. It's the only way I am ever gonna learn to look forward instead of backward.
josh [email] said at 5:11 PM 08-28-2004: i think some people just feel that a person isn't complete/can't be happy unless they are in a relationship, and they want you to be happy. don't be mad at them, that's just the way they think.
ed [email] said at 5:18 PM 08-28-2004: I really try not to be mad. But these are people who know me, and know how much Barb meant to me. It's a lot harder to excuse such comments from these people than it is from random strangers.
abby [email] said at 5:32 PM 08-28-2004: or rather i agree with josh, but not with the idea of needing another person to "complete" yourself. thats a pantload.
brianbibbly [email] said at 10:03 PM 08-29-2004: Ed, don't beat yourself up. My father died nearly 26 years ago and my mother hasn't ever been on another date with a man. When I ask her, "Mom, why don't you date?" She responds, "Brian, the man that I love is dead." She doesn't say it in a sad way, or a regretful way, she is at peace with the fact that she met the perfect person for her, had three kids with him and then he died. You don't have to get remarried. You don't ever have to date again. It is perfectly ok to just savor the memory and life you made with the person who made your life complete. Don't let societial norms dictate your life. My mother lives a perfectly wonderful happy life without having to have to be intimate with another man. She derives her love from her family and her friends. I respect that.
ed [email] said at 6:36 AM 09-04-2004: Thanks, Brian. That was great encouragement. Please don't take it badly that I'm about to laugh my ass off, below. I really am serious that this was helpful and encouraging to me.
