I dont even remember writing this...

Have you ever been walking down the street -- any street -- during a really busy time of the day like lunchtime and just had an uncontrollable urge to haul off an sock somebody - anybody - square in the face? Oh come on don’t be so appalled. You can’t sit there and deny that someday you wake up on the proverbial wrong side of the bed and can’t wait for the wrong person to mess with you at the right time. Anyone who can sit there and honestly say that they have never shared such impulses is lying not just to me but to themselves.
Well I have those urges all the time. I’ll admit it. So what? Does that mean I’m crazy? Does that mean I should seek psychiatric help? I don’t think so. As a matter of fact, I think denying that you may have similar impulses is even crazier. No, really. Okay, maybe you don’t want to haul off and knock someone’s lights out. Maybe you’d rather walk up to some random woman and rip her blouse open. Or maybe you’d rather push that paraplegic in the wheelchair down a staircase. That’s not for you? Okay, maybe you’d like to take those car keys you’ve been fiddling with for the last ten minutes and stab some kid in the ear.
Oh, and I’m not just talking to the fellas here. Come on ladies. You know every once and a while -- and I’m not even talking about that time of the month - you just want to pick up the keyboard of your computer and go up that guy in Accounts who keeps making passes at you and cave his face in. Or that blonde that cut in front of you at Au bon Pain, wouldn’t it have been so gratifying to take off your pumps and stab that bitch in her eye? No? Okay. If you say so.
Anyway, I haven’t acted on these urges. But what if I did? Would that make me a nut? Well, yes but what if everybody did? Wouldn’t the world be a less stressful place if we all just gave in to our homicidal urges all the time? Think about it. Nobody would fuck with anybody ‘cause they’d know that they’re putting they’re lives in danger.
What kind of society would this be if murder was legalized? Hey, let’s not force ourselves to be too barbaric I mean simple assaults would be all right as well. Want to beat somebody into a coma? Go right ahead. Want to break the arms of that whining three-year-old on the Red Line to Glenmont? Be our guest, you’d be doing us all a huge favor. Ooh, here’s one of my favorites. Sometimes when I’m standing at the platform of a Metro station, I look for the person standing closest to the edge and imagine pushing him or her in front of the oncoming train. I even consider pushing them hard enough that before getting cremated by the train they land on the third rail and get fried first.
Legalize murder.
What a concept.
Don’t you think people would be nicer? Don’t you think you’d treat tourists with a little more respect because little Johnny might be packing heat? How many times do you think a taxicab will cut you off to pick up a fare if they thought it might get ‘em shot? Not only that, but imagine if you murder someone and then that person’s family finds out it was you who did it. They could come after you and it would be well within their rights.
So legal murder sounds like a recipe for disaster but maybe it isn’t? What it really is a way to make people be more respectful of each other. To say “please,” “thank you” and “you’re welcome.” Customers wouldn’t be assholes to retail clerks, retail clerks wouldn’t be assholes to customers. What a wonderful world this would be.
Do you think the murder rate would go up if it were legal?