I feel a buzz in the air. I feel blood boiling. I hear ears ringing. I glimpse tears welling. I smell the cigarettes of hope being chain-smoked and the packs are dwindling down. I feel excitement and confusion under the cool blue and white surface of the Killoggs community. Or maybe it's just me, whatever. I would like to posit a theory:

If people are constantly changing, then falling in love is not so much about individuals finding their perfect matches; it's more like two flashlight beams that cross and create a temporary double-bright section, while the beams themselves shine from unique origins toward unique destinations.

Figure 1:



(feel free to print this out and keep it as a reminder in your wallet or purse)

The upper graph describes love as an intersection of beams. Notice that love quickly develops to an apex, the point at which complete union occurs. But this only lasts for a relative moment; gradually the individual beams lead apart naturally until there is complete separation. Problems occur when we do not realize this 2 dimensional beam-nature of love and we desire the apex of love to last forever as if it were to diffract off at 90 degrees into a third dimension, suspended in time like the image lit by a camera flash. But time moves on.

The lower graph shows the specific correlation between being "in love" and the "pain" of one-sided love. The difference can be inconsequential, really.

"What you don't know can't hurt you" is bullshit. To quote Woody Allen, "What you don't know will kill you. They say they're leading you to showers when in fact they really aren't showers." Armed with this knowledge I believe the distracting, often debilitating affects of the heart can be eliminated for the most part.

For those not yet in love, take comfort in the fact that you may be on the verge of crossing beams with the one right next to you.

For those in love, take relief in the fact that it's not your fault that the section diminishes. You can barely effect the direction of your own beam, and you certainly have no control over anyone else's.

For those who suffer from unrequited love, note that your pain will diminish just as mutual love would have, so really you're just ahead of the game. And besides that, you know... fuck em.


Next time I'll show you how layering multiple love-beams at once can create the illusion of "backup generators", but ultimately results in blinding power surges and irreparable overload burnout.