Well, it appears that the Dirtfarm bash was a complete success from the looks of things. Josh should weigh the amount of mud found in his house to gage how good the party was just like they do with the garbage down here after Mardi Gras. I should weigh all the empty bottles of Miller High Life I left in my wake this weekend. I think I could give the mud a run for its money.

So, with all this recapping of the holiday, I figured I'd throw my recap into the mix.

My last minute plans to haul it up for the dirtfarm party were derailed by an even more last minute decision to haul it to Florida for some relaxation on the beach. So with 3 friends and 6 cases of Miller High Life in tow, I sprinted down to a condo on the gulf side of the beach in Pensacola. A few thoughts on my 3 days vacation:

1) The beach is fucking hot. Beaches are great, except for all the sand.

2) Always put sunscreen on your feet, especially if you have size 12 monsters like I do. If you don't put sunscreen on your feet, they will roast. Trust me on this.

3) Beach girl hotness is at an all time high. If you have the money stashed away, buy heavy into beach girl hotness.

4) Re: 3) Old man stupidity is also on the rise. I did my part in flying the flag for awkward pick-ups on the beach girl hotness. You all would have been very proud. I perfected the art of the "Uh," and "Um," and, "That tattoo is awesome, where did you get it?"

5) I used to think you could never get enough of Lil John, but after 3 days in beach clubs I have realized that you can indeed. I don't think I need to hear another "Yeeeeeaaaahh" or "Okaaaaaaaaaaay" anymore. How does he get in every single song?

6) Miller High Life is a great beer. However, drinking 56,000 of them will make you turn green.

7) Having sex in the extended cab back seat of a Chevy Avalanche is pretty fucking difficult. Even more difficult if you are 6'3'. Pretzel is the best word to describe it.

8) Convincing beach girl hotness that you have only known for 2 days to have sex with you in the extended cab back seat of a Chevy Avalanche isn't a walk in the park either. 56,000 Miller High Lifes helped though.

9) Fireworks good. Marines chanting "U.S.A" during fireworks, bad.

10) Watching said Marines beat the living crap out of each other all weekend, also good. Dangerous, but good.

11) Nothing helps a massive hangover like a country-fried steak with biscuits and white gravy. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Fin