the french fry poboy met beans on toast, they fell in love & mated

Obtain
1 large loaf of bread you like, capable of holding a lot of stuff
1 can of a brand of baked beans you like (given options here choose one that tastes less bar-b-quey)
bacon
frozen french fries
paprika
onions

Prepare
heat your bread
fry your bacon
bake your french fries after sprinkling librally with paprika
fry your onions in the hot bacon fat
heat your beans

Construct
Slice open your loaf of bread. The V slice method works well because it leaves enough bread on the bottom and sides to avoid structural collapse of the sandwich and avoids the subduction quake of precious sandwich contents which becomes inevitable if you simply bisect the bread.

Line the bottom of the V with a single line of french fries.

Next you have two construction options:
The Lifeboat
or
The Basketball Floor (pictured above)

For the Lifeboat, continue to line the V of your bread with a side by side layer of french fries perpendicular to the original french fries. This should result in the french fries looking like the skeleton of a simple dinghy. Then proceed with bean application, onion application, bacon, and the bread topper to the sandwich.


For the Basketball Floor, directly after applying the single line of french fries in the V of the bread, begin applying the beans. You may want to spoon the beans onto the sandwich using a slotted spoon, so as not to make the bottom too soggy. Additional sauce may be added to the top of the sandwich if desired at the end. Fill the sandwich 2/3. Add a layer of fried onions.
On top of the beans & onions, begin applying the french fries staggered and side by side, parallel with the lenghth of the bread, simulating the plank pattern used on basketball court. Top with bacon. If desired, spoon additional sauce from baked beans onto bacon. Add top piece of bread.

Enjoy
Eat; remain immobile.