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josh
killoggs.com Partnership

Date: Tue, 04 Feb 2003 08:47:31 -0700
From: "Michael J."
To: josh@______.com
Reply-To: mike@trekdata.com
Subject: killoggs.com Partnership

Hello,

I wanted to contact you about adding a downloadable file (via popup ad) to your site -- a file called "Aquarium Screen Saver", which is currently the world's most realistic fish aquarium screen saver. You can see the popup I am talking about and download the screensaver here:

http://www.bluehavenmedia.com/ads/aquarium_01/

We pay 7 cents per unique USA install when you show our popup download window on your site. This is such a cool screen saver that people are downloading it like crazy.

Please email me if you are interested, and we can get you set up this week.

***Also, please let me know how many unique users you get per day to your site. ***

Sincerely,
Michael J.
Media Coordinator
BlueHavenMedia.com
mike@trekdata.com


Anyone who wants, write a response to this guy in the responses section. We can vote and I'll forward the best one on.

[ 34 responses ] < Post > < link >
[ posted by josh at 02/07/2003 07:00:44 PM ]
[ trackback ]



Threaded Responses [ bottom ]
ed [email] said at 7:17 PM 02-07-2003:
Dear Mike,

Fuck you.

With the utmost in sincerety,
Josh

---
vote for meeeee!
scott [email] said at 7:47 PM 02-07-2003:
Dr Mr. J,

We have received your email dated February 4, 2003 concerning the opportunity to showcase your virtual aquarium product.

We sincerely hope that you have made this offer in error. We do not wish to accept the fact that you would purposely mock our condition. Therefore, we are going under the assumption that you are not familiar with our site - who we are, and why we come here. You see, Michael, killoggs.com is a community where sufferers of ichthyophobia can feel free to openly discuss, and ultimately try to overcome, our fear of fish.

All of us have had our lives negatively altered by these creatures at one time or another. Whether it was poor Ben, who wandered home to find his roommate inappropriately engaged with a sucker fish, or young Cricket who found herself orphaned at the tender age of eleven when her parents expired after eating the so-called 'delicacy' know as the puffer fish, we have all felt the pain inflicted upon us by the water dwelling demons.

We can only hope that this message was sent to us in error. We would think that you would, if not understand, at least respect our condition. Just reading your email alone has been a major setback for our volunteer webmaster Josh. With a little time and our help, he may one day be able to remove his sharkproof chain mail suit and leave his house without the water wings. We can only hope and pray for him.

Thank you for your time,
Killoggs.com
    anotherben.. said at 7:53 PM 02-07-2003:
    nice. but, i would like to encourage brandon to come out of retirement and bat something out before i place my vote.
    [Reply To this] [#55939] [ip: logged]
    loren [email] said at 8:07 PM 02-07-2003:
    even better.
    Lisa T. said at 12:27 AM 02-08-2003:
    awesome!! this one has my vote!
    [Reply To this] [#55961] [ip: logged]
    Bendependent [email] said at 12:41 AM 02-08-2003:
    This is angele voting through the head of Ben.
    kiche [email] said at 1:54 PM 02-08-2003:
    With a little time and our help, he may one day be able to remove his sharkproof chain mail suit and leave his house without the water wings.

    you should have placed a warning before this line.
    Emmaleigh said at 1:14 PM 02-10-2003:
    I like this one best!
    [Reply To this] [#56058] [ip: logged]
Bryan said at 10:17 PM 02-07-2003:
Dear Sirs,

As a satellite amalgam of Louisiana NAMBLA members, we are not only intrigued, but positively ecstatic you have offered to sponsor our site. Web space is expensive, as you know, and open support of our cause is difficult to come by.

I speak for all our members when I enthusiastically accept this partnership. We have been doing popups for some time in regards to touting subscriptions to our member newsletter, "The Red Baton". Piggybacking BlueHavenMedia's offering with our message in the same popup will undoubtedly and mutually increase our visbility.

In these difficult times, NAMBLA appreciates those with the courage to take on economic partners without regards to belief systems. In our Baton Rouge press releases, Blue Haven Media will be included in a list of brave new companies willing to work with us.

Confidentially, sincerely and with great hope for the future,

The anonymous "members" of www.killoggs.com
[Reply To this] [#55952] [ip: logged]
D-503 [ url ]
said at 10:24 PM 02-07-2003:
Dear Mike,

Thanks for the offer.. I am quite willing to put up your window popup if you in turn would put up a banner to http://www.barely81.com as they pay us $0.5 per click.

hope to hear from you soon.

Josh
[Reply To this] [#55955] [ip: logged]
neilbert said at 4:01 AM 02-08-2003:
Hi Mike,

We at Killoggs believe that everyone should have virtual fish tank on their computer. We also believe that the Palestinians should have their own country, that we should nuke the ragheads, abolish all guns in the world, abolish religion, have as many abortions as possible, put various items on top of bunny heads, not pay back our student loans, and eat babies.

Since there are only about 10 people who actively view and post on this site, why don't you just cut us a check for .70cents and call it even.

Cheers
Josh "I'm not gay" S---
[Reply To this] [#55967] [ip: logged]
Bendependent [email] said at 6:33 AM 02-08-2003:
This is Ben. I'm at Huddo's. Here's what I came up with...

Dear Michael J,

I am intrigued by your offer to allow my site to be the host of the "world's most realistic fish aquarium screen saver". I would like to know more about the project as I am a lifelong lover of fish. I don't usually respond to emails such as this one, but your request to put an aquarium screen saver installer on my site really intrigues me.

I grew up in a small town in Colorado and did a lot of fishing as a younger man. My father and I would fish year round as money was very tight back then.

My dad, oh he loved to fish!

Brook trout, Rainbow trout, Kokanee Salmon, Graylings, Black Crappies, Tiger Muskies, you name it I've probably eaten it. I even caught a Razorback sucker once, but pops made me throw it back.

I would give anything to fish again with my dad.

I just wish I could have told him that I loved him before he passed. All that time we sat quietly on that fucking boat and I couldn't say three little words! Can you imagine?

I feel that the fish have cheated me in a lot of ways. Instead of talking to my dad about the trials and tribulations of the life I had in store for me, we sat silent waiting for the fish to bite. The fish have taken that time from me and I will never get it back.

Your fish aquarium screen saver is a very interesting idea to me. I have always thought that my computer moniter looked quite like an aquarium, but never actually thought a realistic fish aquarium could be possible. I see that you have made quite a beautiful screen saver.

I am currently employed in a branch of the United States government that does research for the evolution of humanoid robotics. I'm really not supposed to talk about our projects outside of work, but we are currently working on the development of a "living robotic fish".

Please don't mention this to anyone as I wouldn't want to be repremanded for giving you this information.

The name of the project is "Project Solamon", or the "solar fish project" as many of us call it. Over the last several months we have developed a solar powered fish that looks and acts quite like a Kokanee Salmon, much like the ones I used to catch as a boy. Our fish is also a bottom feeder, and over the last few weeks we have been very excited as we have developed what we think is a way for it to eat plankton and convert it very quickly into crude oil. We feel that this project will in many ways be one of the biggest breakthroughs of the century.

I do a lot of thinking about computers and technology.

Do you believe that machines have a soul?

In many ways, I feel that my computer screen is a window into my computer's heart. I also feel that a computer over time takes on certain characterisics of its owner, and therefore it is very important to me that every bit of software I intstall on it is something that I would install in my own body. Looking into the screen feels like peering right into my soul.

I feel that my father would be proud of the fish aquarium you have developed.

Although I never got to say the things I wanted to him, we did share the fish. Maybe that's all we needed.

We all came from fish, you know. Maybe that's where we're all headed.

I do have a few questions about your screen saver? I'll list them for you.

1) Do you have any plans for developing newer versions of this screen saver?

2) If so, do you think you could program the fish to swim about the screen based on it's temperature, make nests, reproduce with themselves, lay eggs, think, feel pain, or possibly network with other fish via the internet (such as with the fish in other people's downloaded screensavers) and possibly mate with them?

3) Will the fish eventually die?

4) Is there a possibility of producing a freshwater aquarium in future versions of this software?

5) If so, will the Razorback sucker or the Bonytail chub be included in the software?

6) Is this screen saver that you have produced merely for profit, or have you developed it with some intentions of having it not be merely a screen saver, but also somewhat of a philosophical journey into the healing of one's soul?

7) If not, then why should I offer it for download on my site?

Josh S---
killoggs.com
    Angele. said at 9:53 AM 02-08-2003:
    wow, that's hilarious. I like this response, too. It's CRAZY!
    [Reply To this] [#55972] [ip: logged]
    sonny [email] said at 10:08 AM 02-08-2003:
    Yes Yes Yes
    anotherben.. said at 10:36 AM 02-08-2003:
    aye.
    [Reply To this] [#55974] [ip: logged]
    courtney [email] said at 1:46 PM 02-08-2003:
    This one rules. It's much like that telemarketer deflection script that was circulating a while back.
    kara [email] said at 2:28 PM 02-08-2003:
    yep
    josh [email] said at 3:43 PM 02-08-2003:
    This one is pretty great.
      lorennot logged in said at 10:11 PM 02-08-2003:
      but no one would read it... it's sooo loooong.... great but loooong
      [Reply To this] [#56005] [ip: logged]
        seth [email] said at 1:50 AM 02-09-2003:
        I would read it. shiat. plankton oil conversion robot fish, computer soul living on screensavers. maybe without the beginning so boring.. but Ben really got into it, I swear he's the most creative man on the planet.
        NathanK said at 1:19 PM 02-12-2003:
        I tried to not laugh in a computer lab while reading this, but I couldn't help it. Who cares if Mr. Michael "cool screen saver" J. doesn't read every word.
        [Reply To this] [#56269] [ip: logged]
kaycee incognito said at 10:05 AM 02-11-2003:
anata no atama ga BAKA. anata no sakana wa TSUMARANAI!
doite.

tell him that and if he still writes a response he is deserving of hashi in the heart.
[Reply To this] [#56117] [ip: logged]
wil [email] said at 12:39 PM 02-12-2003:
Dear Mike,

We don't need your stinking seven cents, you bastard.

We'll have you know that we are curently waiting for several MILLION DOLLARS which is coming our way from Africa. When it arrives, we will take our enormous penises and use them to fuck HOTT CO-ED NYMPHOS who are waiting for us right now!!1!!1!!!11

Thanks for your interest.
    angele [email] said at 3:54 PM 02-13-2003:
    HAHA! I don't understand the 1!!1!!!11, though. I must not get those emails.
      kiche [email] said at 8:25 AM 02-26-2003:
      if you don't hold down the shift key when repeatedly hitting the "!" key you get "1"s.

      look at the "1" key on your keyboard.
        Art said at 9:38 AM 02-26-2003:
        so wil isn't shifty enough? ba-dum-dum...
        [Reply To this] [#57482] [ip: logged]
kiche [email] said at 4:10 PM 02-13-2003:
you should respond to his e-mail multiple times, using up each and every one of these lovely gems.
josh [email] said at 2:09 AM 02-26-2003:
One of our readers, Matt, writes:
Just wanted to say that I love the site and that link you posted of an e-mail you recieved wanting to put pop ups about some new screensaver, well I downloaded the screen saver and it was mostly crap that took me about half hour to get off my computer


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