You dudes out there have no idea how lucky you have it. I haven't seen my boyfriend since Saturday.
As tempting as it was, I couldn't really bring myself to masturbate in the bathroom at work.
And although I used to regularly for years, I couldn't do it at my parents house either.
Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts.
10 more hours before I get to see Chris. He'd better watch out. He's getting mauled.
Baby Duck said at 9:50 AM 12-12-2002: The cold-tiled antiseptic bathroom. *shudder*
My brother told me that a woman who worked in the same office as him at Deloitte & Touche had a touchy situation. She was at a client's office and decided to diddle in their empty boardroom. She was approached by some execs later telling her there are cameras in that room. They were dismayed by her unprofessionalism and told her to tell her boss before they did.
---
When my company first moved into its new office, I made a discovery. In the men's bathroom, along one wall, the ceiling was raised about two feet up, but only for about one foot from away from said wall. I didn't understand why such a structure would be necessary. A hole was punched through the ceiling, just above one of the toilets. It was nicely conceiled by that alcove effect. You had to be directly under the hole to see it.
It took them 4 weeks after I complained about it to patch the hole up. I wonder if in the meantime any men's activities were on a ToiletCam somewhere on the net. To this day I still use the other stalls, mostly out of force of habit.
kara [email] said at 11:21 AM 12-12-2002: That really sucks... and its just a stupid power play on the part of those execs.. they HAVE to realize these things happen... it's not like she was fucking herself with their paperweight or something... if everythings clean and sanitary and no ones around, she shouldve been forgiven.
Bryan said at 11:52 AM 12-12-2002: The cameras in the stall were definitely wrong... I've done it at work too. But Kara, I respectfully diagree. People should not have to wonder if their cube mate just rubbed one off in the bathroom. That's bringing way too much into the workplace. Okay, if sexy people do it, it seems all right... but imagine the heavy-breathing fat slob that fantasizes about you... Now imagine that person squeezing the pearl or greedily rubbing themselves while thinking of you. Now try to do your job. Hell no. It's not a power play, it's still unsanitary cause the fluids could be infected with any number of STDs. The story, however, is really funny because she was bold enough to do it, but unfortunately she did the dance and had to pay the fiddler. Ew factor - 10. I wouldn't blame my boss if I got fired, although it would make for an interesting exit interview: "How would you rate the availability of non-imaginatory masturbating media?"
kara [email] said at 11:58 AM 12-12-2002: Everyone gets off even the heavy breathing fat slob. He probably looks at KARAMAE.COM when he does it. I'm ok with it... not like I want to see him jerk off or even think about it, but it happens all the time so people need to just get used to it. I don't want to think about people scratching their asses or peeing or farting either, but people do..
If STD fluids get somewhere, well thats an issue of course. I wasnt saying people have a right to smear their love juices all over the workplace. Just that it happens, its no big deal, no one was violated.
Bryan said at 1:09 PM 12-12-2002: Lol... your website? Haven't seen it. I did see, however, a guy two cubicles over laying out newspaper and lubing up his fleece muff...
Bryan said at 1:36 PM 12-12-2002: Kara, you're persistent and well-spoken, but sex does not belong in the workplace. Imagined or realized. One can't just go around masturbating everywhere, even if they clean it up and nobody knows. It's just bad. However, if you're willing to accept the consequences if caught, by all means. It's fun to be bad. But we can't expect other people to laugh it off if they catch us, it's just too much to ask of people. But maybe we're just approaching from two different viewpoints and I'm being too serious.
milky [email] said at 1:40 PM 12-12-2002: I'm with Kara on this.
Besides,
I'd rather work beside people who _actually_ jerk-off instead of working, rather than "jerkin' off" in a metaphoric sense and getting nothing done.
Helena said at 2:49 PM 12-12-2002: Yeah me too. I don't see how masturbating at work is any grosser than pooping at work. I can masturbate without even taking my clothes off. I have to drop trou, sit on a communal seat, and wipe my ass with my hand during the pooping process.
Bryan said at 3:00 PM 12-12-2002: Oh god! You've got to be kidding. This is a sex act, and quite vulgar to a lot of people besides Killoggers. Society frowns on some things for a reason. My semen applied liberally to your face with the tip of my flaccid lukewarm penis. What if a guy was staring at a woman on a bus, and masturbating inside his sweat pants. Is that acceptable? What if it was the guy who worked next to a woman, with his thighs squeezing his glans until he creamed all over the inside of his thighs? Do women want men like this to fantasize about them? No, it is offensive. Come on, folks, don't expect to keep a job if this happens. As for women, I can't think of any other reason to oppose it except on double-standard principle. Doesn't matter if it is less obtrusive if it's easier for you.
kara [email] said at 3:35 PM 12-12-2002: Personally I just don't think about it. I'm sure people masturbate thinking about me and thats just fine. I didn't say anything about doing it in front of my face or telling me about it. thats different. but if they're sure i'm not looking they can go right ahead. Sorry you think sex is gross...
society frowns on some things because we're christian prudes.
ed [email] said at 7:00 AM 12-13-2002: Repressed much, Bryan? No offense intended (although I'm sure it's offensive, anyway) but if people think sex acts done with a reasonable amount of privacy are vulgar, that's THEIR problem.
No one's sung the praises of masturbating on a bus (yet). If a bathroom stall is "private" enough to take a crap in, surely it's private enough to get your jollies in. Unless, of course, you're like Lassie in Porky's. Then you'd need some soundproofing. Or some sweat socks.
Masturbation is something everyone does. Or should do, anyway. Chances are, there'd be a lot less hate in the world...
meenk said at 3:09 PM 12-12-2002: If rubbing one off during a break or lunch hour means someone can better focus on the job they are paid to do, so be it. I would rather deal with the idea that they had an orgasm recently, than deal with them while they are all stressed/antsy/irritated/etc. Maybe sex shouldn't be at the workplace, but sexuality is not something we can just detach and leave at home.
Helena said at 3:19 PM 12-12-2002: I don't think that masturbating in a communal board room is okay. However, bathrooms are a private place for body fluid release. I don' thtink that what goes on in there is anyone else's business. If the door's locked, and it's totally private, I don't see what the problem is. Unorthodox maybe, but unsanitary, no. I'd get more work done if I got a good release when I really needed one.
Bryan said at 3:23 PM 12-12-2002: Boss: you're fired.
(If you were boss, how long would your policy NOT be viewed as sexual harrasment? Consider the communications you would have to issue when an instance is reported, and how you would deflect a sexual harrasment accusation. Also, a policy would need to be written on the guidelines. What would it say?)
Helena said at 3:26 PM 12-12-2002: If someone busted in on me in the locked bathroom, that would be their problem, not mine. The boardroom thing was different, thats a public space. It's the same as taking a pee in the boardroom. Unacceptable, but there is a place for it: the bathroom.
kara [email] said at 3:37 PM 12-12-2002: And WHY would boss know about it?
This is exactly what I'm talking about- you're missing my main point which is that its something that happens, no one has to know about it, and if they find out- yes it's embarassing but everyone should get over it.
anotherben? said at 4:25 PM 12-12-2002: employee: boss! i cant see!
boss: damnit! have you been masturbating in the bathroom again?!
employee: uh..no.. but shirley in accounting was!
xmeredithx [email] said at 3:57 PM 12-12-2002: a guy in my company used to keep porn stashed in the bathroom. he later got fired for sexual harassment, unrelated to the porn.
Bryan said at 3:58 PM 12-12-2002: Sorry, everyone, but any issue affected by opinion can build and become very public. Next thing you know, it's a management issue because it's a sex issue. Right or not, there could be a policy established to control it. Let's say it's another's problem if they hear/see it. Still, that person now has a problem. They may not do anything with it, but the next person handed that same problem might decide to make it known. I'm not arguing for or against it, but I am saying you could get fired. Is that so hard to grasp? Masturbate at work and you could get caught and fired. There's no arguing, no lawsuit. This thread is going nowhere. Sure, you can do anything you want, even if it doesn't affect anyone, but do you really think nothing should happen if you miss an important development because you were cumming in the bathroom? Christ, I thought women wanted sex out of the workplace. This isn't helping.
Bryan said at 3:58 PM 12-12-2002: Sorry, everyone, but any issue affected by opinion can build and become very public. Next thing you know, it's a management issue because it's a sex issue. Right or not, there could be a policy established to control it. Let's say it's another's problem if they hear/see it. Still, that person now has a problem. They may not do anything with it, but the next person handed that same problem might decide to make it known. I'm not arguing for or against it, but I am saying you could get fired. Is that so hard to grasp? Masturbate at work and you could get caught and fired. There's no arguing, no lawsuit. This thread is going nowhere. Sure, you can do anything you want, even if it doesn't affect anyone, but do you really think nothing should happen if you miss an important development because you were cumming in the bathroom? Christ, I thought women wanted sex out of the workplace. This isn't helping.
Bryan said at 4:17 PM 12-12-2002: Go ahead, man, anyone can do what they want. I's just saying (and you can ask the management consultant from Deloitte) that these things take on a life of their own. You wanna do it, do it. But people who do have nobody to complain to if they get fired. There are hundreds out there salivating for jobs, and getting fired for a sex issue is completely preventable. (sorry about the double post.)
Helena said at 4:32 PM 12-12-2002: I work at a gynecologist's office. Everyone is getting fingered around here. I saw one of the doctors running around one day holding a camera *with rubber gloves*. I could probably masturbate in my office with the door open and no one would care.
kara [email] said at 5:13 PM 12-12-2002: I just fingered Meredith in the bathroom for the same reason. Don't worry we were relatively quiet and I washed my hands with antibacterial soap afterwards to avoid spreading our bad case of clap.
Baby Duck said at 6:20 PM 12-12-2002: Odd. When I read "cut your fingers" I deemed it to be perfectly logical. The wounds serve as a convenient way to spread infection from the juices.
Then when I read the correction....eeeeee....I'm deranged, aren't I?
kiche [email] said at 4:17 PM 12-12-2002: i understand your problem, with masturbation in the workplace. but i have a bigger problem with people spying on me in the stalls.
as long as someone is making overt noises, there shouldn't be a problem, so how are these "offended" co-workers supposed to know what you're doing in the stall?
i don't maturbate in the restroom at my place of work and i don't know if anyone else does. the methods required to find this information out seem like a gross (in every definition of the word) invasion of privacy.
think about how warped this view is, masturbating = so bad you are going to obliterate some of people's most basic expectations of privacy.
Bryan said at 4:21 PM 12-12-2002: Dude, I totally agree. Cameras in dressing rooms freak me out too. And just imagine that person peeking in thru the crack in the door - ugh.
Lisa T. said at 4:47 PM 12-12-2002: freudian slip -- you know you want to hear the guy in the stall next to you making overt noises while he's masturbating.... :)
kara [email] said at 5:16 PM 12-12-2002: Ben was at one time planning a movie on how to take a crap at work.
I totally hate it when I'm in there and I can here someone farting up a storm ... I would think someone was pretty weird for being too noisy... I mean getting off in the bathroom is like kind of a physical release, I wouldnt really make a huge production of it.
neilbert said at 4:21 AM 12-13-2002: Teddy, didn't you jerk off in a guy's hamburger at McDonald's once. Did you ever catch Steve and Matt Schnake using "floorcare" (Piss) to clean the floors at McD's :)
kara [email] said at 5:11 PM 12-12-2002: Of course I know one could get fired for doing it, and I would accept the consequences if it happened. I would accept the consequences if I was caught smoking pot too, but I still think its stupid, regardless of rules or other peoples' opinions.
*carla* said at 9:52 AM 12-12-2002: One time at a certain job, I won't name which- I was so horny I went in one of the stalls and started doin' mah thing, but then someone walked in and I thought "good god, this is ridiculous". So I stopped. Had Female blue balls the rest of the day.
xmeredithx [email] said at 10:26 AM 12-12-2002: i did this once too. as soon as i got started all the power in the building went out and the bathroom went dark. i took it as a Sign, and stopped.
kara [email] said at 1:03 PM 12-12-2002: I can't believe they flambeed it THEN fried it... that ruins the tenderness.. they should know it's best when broiled in a marinate.
brandon [email] said at 2:41 PM 12-12-2002: I brings to mind an image from "Lady and the Tramp," only with two sweaty, bloodcovered, German homosexuals instead of puppies and smalll intestines instead of spaghetti. Also, instead of an Italian chef playing accordian, Frauke Eigen would wail along with a KMFDM tape on a karoake machine.
milky [email] said at 7:02 PM 12-12-2002: I also find it more entertaining...hence one of my first posts "the strangest place you've ever masturbated." I remember a prude with a head commenting about it in a later post, saying it was "juvenile or Jerry Spinger-ish."
Baby Duck said at 8:47 PM 12-12-2002: That would be one of the small teachers' office on the 2nd floor on the HS building at LSMSA. Was after 5pm on a Friday. Let's see it was Harkrider, Dr. Song, Dr. Shariar, some effeminate male Spanish teacher, and an empty cubicle. I did the deed in the empty cubicle. Left some pubes on Shariar's chair as a thank you present for giving me a C in Astronomy.
cam said at 6:02 PM 05-31-2003: Masturbate, you'll put less pressure on your boyfriend that way. I mean, what if the guy's all tired or some shit. You'll probably kill him. And if he doesn't satisfy you, you probably really will kill him. Relieve yourself woman. You can do it anywhere, I do.
Brandonpeeved said at 7:42 PM 05-31-2003: You newcomers really ought to check the dates... for example, Kara is no longer dating that guy. And as far as I remember xmx and I were still talking and engaged. Now you're just opening up a lot of wounds and people are weeping on account of your insensitive and untimely remarks.
