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brandon


You try to be pretentious on a budget and look..

what happens.



I recently purchased a book that I will claim to your face that I've read, used, for like half the cover price. Well it was supposed to have arrived along with the the packaging today. It didn't. Here's what I wrote the seller. My next post may or may not be from Cook County jail.


Dear X.XXX,

I hate to sound snippy. But next time you ship a book you might want to pack it a little better. I received the envelope that was supposed to contain Dave Eggers's "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" which I recently purchased from you.

Unfortunately the envelope IS all I received. Looks like the glue unglued along the way and the book fell out.

I'm not going to ask for such a small amount of money back or quarrel with you in buyer/seller ratings on-line - what's the point of that?

I'm just upset. Now I'll have to go break into some random Rutgers University grad student's house - or some other unfortunate soul who was unlucky enough to read that last Spin interview/blowoff - Whack him/her over the head with his or her unused/unread Gabler edition of Ulysses. And take their dog-eared copy of the damn thing.

Thanks anyway,
B.Reilly

[ posted by brandon at 01/07/2002 08:44:47 PM ]
[ trackback ]



Threaded Responses [ bottom ]
jeni [email] said at 2:58 AM 01-08-2002:
i have this book, read it all the way through despite repeatedly throwing it across the room in irritation over the writer's continual self-indulgence. you can have my copy, i doubt i'll be so desperate as to read it again
    xmeredithx [email] said at 11:13 AM 01-08-2002:
    i got as far as his real world escapade and then i couldn't take anymore. unfortunately, i was on a non-stop flight to los angeles, so i couldn't fling the book very far, lest i get accused of some sort of literary/poo-flinging terrorism.
milky [email] said at 8:22 AM 01-08-2002:
Yeah Brandon, she's right. The book's a self-back patting piece of shit.
brandon [email] said at 10:38 AM 01-08-2002:
But his parents DIED, and he had to take care of his brother. And, and, oh look a penny!
    jeni [email] said at 12:45 PM 01-08-2002:
    email me your address and i'll pack this 450+ page wank-fest up in an envelope and seal it with so much packing tape it will never escape.
Daniel said at 12:12 PM 01-08-2002:
why can't my bills come in envelopes that spill the contents before they arrive at my apartment! then i would have no bills.
[Reply To this] [#23903] [ip: logged]
katie said at 5:02 PM 01-08-2002:
reminds me a bit of when hunter thompson wrote a letter to the aspen city council claiming to be heinrich himmler.

happy new year, brandon. don't get thrown in jail.
[Reply To this] [#23912] [ip: logged]
brandon [email] said at 5:15 PM 01-08-2002:
update on the situation. Now that I don't want to read it, I received this response:


> B. Reilly,

I'm risking myself by believing you. I'm sending you a new book from
Amazon.com. It should arrive in 2 days. Sometimes snottiness pays off.


X. XXX

I think someone needs a nap. And now I HAVE to buy him a book of equal value, or I won't sleep.
brandon [email] said at 6:16 PM 01-08-2002:
I could have sworn that I posted my address earlier... 6709 N Hermitage Ave. Apt 2S, Chicago, IL 60626. That would rock, then he would have another copy to sell, and we could call it even.
brandon [email] said at 6:53 PM 01-08-2002:
...a frail gesture in the darkness, de profundis


Dear X.XXX

This may be true (i.e. snottiness), however, I wasn't trying to be snotty. Nevertheless, after a re-reading, snottiness was undeniably present in the e-mail.

But, purchasing both two day shipping and the book, new, to replace the used book warrants reciprocation. There really is something admirable in your gesture, and I insist ( and I have your shipping address ) on sending you a check covering the costs, or on purchasing a book of equal value and having it sent.


On top of that, I was speaking with someone about this incident who has a copy she doesn't need which I can pass your way. This way, you'll have a copy of it to sell and we'll both roughly be in the same place we started.


I am terribly sorry about all this. I wish I had never opened my mouth in the first place.

Sincerly,
Brandon R.
brandon [email] said at 3:49 PM 01-09-2002:
be gentle, no fuck that - RIP ME UP!


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