Not to bring down the mood here on Killoggs but I've had some time to mull things over.

A couple of weeks ago on election night up in Jersey, one of my younger cousins was murdered in a drive-by shooting. I still don't really know the full details of the shooting. My mother said it was a combination of my cousin, Keson, getting mixed with the wrong people and being at the wrong place at the wrong time. I always remember him being a relatively good kid who used to tagalong with me and my other cousins my age whenever there was a big family get-together. I didn't see him as much over the past few years just because I haven't been able to get out to as many family gatherings usually because of work. Anyway, what really sucked about this horrible event was that later that weekend me and a bunch of the family on my father's side rented a bus to go down to Mississippi for another cousin's wedding.

The wedding was nice and as usual I had a good time with all my folks but for my father, mother, sister and I we could only enjoy the trip so much because as soon as we got back Sunday night my folks would get up the very next day to drive up to Jersey for Keson's funeral. (I should note that he was my cousin from my mother's side of the family.) I had to work Monday morning and wasn't able to attend the funeral but I wish I could've.

A couple of weeks have gone by since then and this past Friday (the day after Thanksgiving and yet another joyous family gathering) I called my parents to talk about a parking ticket issue and received the news that my cousin Gina's husband had finally succumb to the heart issues that had originally postponed their wedding two years ago. They were originally due to get married in the summer of '05 I believe but after Cedric experienced heart murmurs they postponed it for I believe it was this past February. As a matter of fact, the same day that I heard of Keson's murder was also the day that Cedric went to the hospital because of his heart.

So when he finally went it struck me harder than any other death of any other relative or person I'd known for some reason. I'm normally pretty good at coping with death but this was just a rough one-two punch. And the latter death seemed to hit me more than the other one actually because in the brief time I'd known Ced he'd made an immediate impact on our family. He was always warm, always welcoming, greeted you with a big hand shake and a hug. My family has a very odd sense of humor and he seemed to fit right in immediately. He actually physically and vocally reminded me of Cedric the Entertainer (ironically enough.) It took me all of five minutes of meetng him to know that Ced and Gina were as perfect a fit as any two people could be.

So maybe that's why I'm so bummed. The idea that these two people seemingly so perfectly designed for one another wouldn't even be able to see their first anniversary just plain sucks.

It also makes me wonder if despite the fact that it ended so abruptly was it worth it? Is the pain that Gina must be going through now worth the absolute bliss she and Ced shared despite its brevity? Is it possible for her to find another match that might be as perfectly suited for her as Ced was? Will she want to?

It's not fair. But nobody said life was supposed to be right? Life IS short though, and we all only get one so make the most of it people. Please.

I want to thank Josh for comin' out and distracting me Friday. I needed that. I had a good time and it was good seeing you and Abby, Kara, Blake, Chris X and introducing me to the Ottobar (Taxlo -- not so much but it was fun anyway.)

The description of this item for sale is as follows:


Dremel tool--variable speed with router base and guide. Used lovingly and in good condition! This is one MORE item from the girlfriends storage unit. Her late husband wanted to make miniatures but he didn't exactly live long enough to really use this stuff. Cancer got him so we are still clearing out some of his tools and toys. Neither of us really have any use for Dremels so there is no minimum! Just pay the shipping... I did try teeth cleaning with it and I chased the cat around for a while but you need a really long extension cord for that kind of stuff. Speaking of that--since I don't use this kind of stuff I'm selling it "as is". In fact, the only stuff that comes with this one is just what is shown in the photo. We will be listing a couple more if you like Dremel--all in similar condition.

Am I the only one who finds some of the item information kind of...in poor taste? I bet the late husband is turning over in his grave...like the bit on his soon to be sold dremel tool...only slower...much slower.

for sale here

When is a week longer than 9 months?

When you're pregnant, that's when.

I was due sometime between Wednesday and Saturday, depending on whose system you use for such things. I am inclined to believe Saturday, but still. Saturday was my last day at work, so now I have LOTS of time to sit at home and ponder whether the contraction I just had was a "real" one or another step in several weeks of "prelabor." I swim every day. I walk the dog a lot. I just spent a half an hour reorganizing Rini's Fuzzi Bunz collection.

My mother calls me several times a day to "check on me." If I don't answer, she panics and calls me again, and again. I know she's excited, but sometimes I really am just taking a nap. Or walking the dog. Which is to say, not in active labor.

Know what else doesn't help? Being told you don't "look" 9 months pregnant by random people at the pool, in the office or when you're just trying to buy Christmas presents at Target. I suppose they mean this as a compliment, but I walk away wondering if this means I will be pregnant for 2 more months. I know that's not going to happen, but that doesn't stop the thought from running through my mind.

Only one person knows when this kiddo is really coming out, and she ain't talking.