Conversational Terrorism
All of the techniques listed in this document have actually been witnessed, told to us by someone else, or dreamed up. They are described in first person for clarity of motive.
The intent of detailing and naming these insidious tactics is so that the reader may AVOID USING THEM, to quickly recognize if someone else is using them, and for fun. There is much humor in the way people (consciously or unconsciously) conversationally cheat.
It is hoped that exposing these tactics will help muzzle the growing abuse in our conversational landscape. Give copies to both perpetrators and victims (only NOT for profit use).
The examples are overblown in an attempt to be both clear and funny. Use your imagination to think of how you (perish the thought) and others have used these techniques in the past.
They have been grouped by major category, with the best (worst!) saved for last.

First, we have the Ad Hominem Variants where you attack the person as a way to avoid truth, science, or logic which might otherwise prove you wrong. Next are the Sleight of Mind Fallacies, which act as "mental magic" to make sure the unwanted subject disappears. Then, we move on to Delay Tactics, which are subtle means to buy time when put on the spot. Then, the ever popular Question as Opportunity ploys, where any question can be deftly averted. Finally, we have the Cheap Shot Tactics and Irritants, which are basically "below the belt" punches.

Ad Hominem Variants

OVER YOUR HEAD:

"I'd like to respond to that, but taking into account your background, education, and intelligence, I am quite sure that you would not be able to understand."

EVEN YOU:

"My next point will be so cogent that even you will be able to understand it."

"Even you should be able to grasp the next point."

YOU'LL GET OVER IT:

"I used to think that way when I was your age."

"As you mature emotionally (or mentally, or spiritually), you will grow out of your present way of thinking, and you will eventually come around to my point of view."

"You're new here, aren't you?"

WISHFUL THINKING:
Instead of proving a point true or false, this technique tries to imply that the individual's desires have led him/her astray without dealing with the merits of the issue itself. (C.S. Lewis termed this "Bulverism".) Any strong desire can be shown to have tainted a conclusion or clouded objectivity, which casts doubt on the legitimacy of a point. This is very close to the classic ad hominem fallacy: "you say that because you are a man."

"You support capital punishment because of a deep-rooted death wish common among those who have suffered emotional traumas during childhood."

"You oppose capital punishment because of an irrational suppressed death taboo common among those who have suffered emotional trauma during childhood."

"You weren't breast fed as a child, were you?"

MORE INSIDE-------

So, for some reason, the people at my jobsite CAN'T NOT shit on the back of the port-o-john seat. I'll be posting my entire collection of pics here later, but for now- how did this get here?