After living the life of a trust fund kid for about a month, I got a part time seasonal retail job because I'm too lazy to look for real work yet. Here is a verbatim excerpt (poor grammar and odd use of capitals and ampersands included) from my Official Employee Handbook:

G U E S T
How You Create the Experience

Here are some quick ideas on how to create the GUEST experience for each customer:

Greet & Engage the customer: Seek out customers who have not been helped. Smile & Say Hello.

Urgently Assess their Needs: Ask the customer why they visited us. Identify if they need custom service or can be shown to merchandise. Determine how much help they customer needs.

Exceed Expectations: Explain our services fully. Show customers our merchandise and discuss the features and benefits.

Suggestively Close: Assume the customer is going to buy. Offer to take merchandise to the counter. Offer natural add-ons to purchases.

Thank & Invite Back: Sincerely thank customer for visit and business. Encourage the customer to come back and see us again.

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I haven't started the job yet. I want to quit already.

at the School of Comics (next to the CD store on jefferson)

click to enlarge

come out and buy my cheap comic and I'll draw in it too!