IN LIGHT OF RECENT ACRIMONY
(OF ALL SHAPES AND KINDS)
I JUST WANTED TO GIVE A SHOUT OUT
(HOLLER! HOLLER!)
TO THE ANGRY SPITEFUL GRUDGEBEARING
KILLOGGS OF OLD!
YES! BACK LIKE SAM JACKSON'S FUCKING WALLET! YES!
IN HONOR OF THIS I'M NOT CLOSING MY FUCKING TAGS!!!!!!!!!!
BUT I WILL SAY, THOSE OF YOU WITH YOUR EYES COMPULSIVELY DARTING BEHIND THE CURTAIN MAY SEE WHAT ELSE IS ALSO COMING BACK...BE READY...
1. Disproving God through evolution and the big bang theory
2.Chicks you should have banged in high school
3.How L.S.D. destroyed your early relationships
4.Death
5. Inheriting 4 million dollars and wasting it because you don't know any better
6. Realizing that you are just like your parents
7. trying to think of the most depressing things beside torture---priceless
Today I feel ready to die.
I mean that in the most comforting sense possible. At this moment, I feel assured that I could pass away into something reassuring and familiar.
I feel as though I could peacefully step into an endless loop of mornings of Autumns past, stepping out of bed to have oatmeal at my parents' breakfast table, mindlessly disregarding the mumbling coffee maker while I stir my bowl.
My mind would idle indefinitely in the muddled serene hour before life begins for another day. Half asleep and not yet ready to remember the troubles I'll be facing later.
Instead of stepping into the real world, I'd go back to bed, to wake up and repeat it over again.
What if I were to die right now - lay down and retire to an afterlife of October mornings, subconsciously waiting for a day that would never begin?
I started feeling ill yesterday morning. By the time I got home from work, I was all achey and tired and just felt like crap. I decided to just drug it up and go to bed early, even though I have 4 movies I need to watch.
So I took some Walgreens-equivalent NyQuil and a couple of Walgreens-equvalent Advil. I was in bed by 8 or 8:30. I slept for what felt like a long time, then woke up, still groggy. It was 10:30. From that point on, until 6AM, I faded in and out of consciousness, never really doing more than dozing. But in those half-asleep moments, I dreamed. I dreamed about Killoggs. Specifically, that I was reading and replying on Killoggs. All night long. Posts that I had read before I went to bed? My sub- (semi-?) conscious continued them, filling in what other people were saying, what I said back, and generally, I just went through a mini-Killoggs marathon in my head. And I kept waking up enough to go "Man, this is weird", but when I'd lapse back into my stupor, I'd start right back where I left off.
I'm having a hot dog for lunch. That has nothing to do with the rest of this post, but I like hot dogs, so I thought I'd share.
Ladies and Gentleman
A HUGE room will soon be vacant in this lovely collective, group home. Notasquat comes equipped with three of the best roommates you could ever dream of plus excellent bike mechanics, a garden with fresh compost, a screened-in porch, lots of creative types inside, and a nintendo! with super mario brothers three!
Notasquat: For when you want more than just a roof and four walls.
I've been talking about it for over a year, but in recent months (and as winter approached), I decided that I would start looking for a place of my own, and if I found one, take it. I know Ben has considered a big move as well, but I'll let him talk about that.
Well, in a strange turn of events, yesterday our landlord called Ben and told him that "some guys" would be coming by to look over the house and see what all needs to be repaired... in order to sell it, I would imagine. Weird timing? A sign? Synchronicity? God? I don't know for sure, but it certainly seems like the Dirtfarm is coming to an end, and sooner rather than later.
Sad, but perhaps it's time.
I am currently on a waiting list for an apartment in Baltimore. Thursday and Saturday, I will be looking at a few other apartments that sound appealing. It looks like I will soon be moving to Charm City, and away from sweet, sweet Lewisdale/Adelphi/College Park.
The place is the 2nd and 3rd floor of a building that has a DIY punk show space/art gallery (CCAS) on the 1st floor and basement, is 1 block away from my favorite bar and 1 block away from a art house movie theater. It has two bedrooms, two bathrooms, and is pretty accessible to 95 and 295. It's also really cheap, only $475 a month... I hope I get it. If so, I'm moving posthaste.
Why Baltimore? Well, I feel it has a lot more to offer for the price than DC. Both are equally "dangerous", but I can afford my own place walking distance of many cool things, something almost no one I know can afford in DC. Also, I think I can relate to the culture of Baltimore much more. Virtually everyone in DC rails against the huge quotient of Capitol Hill types that seem to dominate every aspect of life in DC. I don't really relish rubbing elbows with that. Baltimore, and I hang out there alot as it is, just appeals to me a lot more.
It's definitely weird and sad to think about, and be planning to, move the place that I have lived since October 2001 - almost exactly four years of my life - but I think it's time I have my own space.
I don't fully know what everyone else thinks about the apparent impending end to the Farm, but I'm sure they will all chime in.
(We are currently thinking about having a blow-out Halloween party. I guess it would probably be on Saturday the 29th.)
I'm also rereading Living in Truth, a collection of Vaclav Havel's essays containing the classic "The Power of the Powerless," which will always be one of my favorites.
