With all the talk of boners, crazy sex-crazed co-workers and Killoggers in heat I dedicate this song to each of us who ain't gettin' any regular action:

A.D.I.D.A.S.
Killer Mike feat. Big Boi, Sleepy Brown

Pussy nigga what you doin'

[Chorus: Sleepy Brown]
(All day I dream about...)
(All day I dream about sex)
The way you move your sexy groove
I've got my mind all over you
(All day I dream about...)
(All day I dream about sex)
You say you were so sick of it
I'm tired of jackin' off cause you ain't there

[Verse 1: Big Boi]
65 Cevrolet Ipala peachy cream
Cruisin' down the street like two fingers
Cause the ivory is clean
Talkin' 'bout meetin' at the MC room
On the inside of the ship
Not a honey dip to hunt on
Cause she mobile than a grip
Or the Blue Man Group
Caught out on the Vegas Strip
Tell em' a good game, juju pimpin'
Give em' to my nigga Dime Legit
Boss lips, legs, arms, necks
Hip dips, hair net, mo' stretch
It's a camel toe and thats fo' sho
My brain is on one track
Like Mary Mary toss for crackle like a rock star does for smack
None of that but the female genatalia's where it's at
I'm a man and I demand a WO-man for that act
Personal preference cause I use the law of nature as a reference
No I don't ever recall seein' a man turn up pregnant
But that's just me
From them female fantasies frolic freely
In my cock pit, every 30 some seconds I can't stop it

[Chorus]

[Killer Mike]
Killer Kill from Adamsville and in a Bonneville I chill
Heffers call me Black-N-Decker, I don't screw them hoes I drill
I've been cuttin' cute lil' coochies since before the record deal
Catch me daydreamin' 'bout them, thick, medium, or slim
Doctors call the thing vagina, in the hood we call it trim
White boys call it snatch, Puerto Ricans call it chocha
Nathaniel likes his white, I like mine dark as cola
It's the first thing on my mind in the morn' when I roll over
All men young or old in the end it's what we after
Even my grandpappy's happy, he got prescribed Viagra

Grandaddy, grandaddy what's happenin'
What's up, what's up this me
Hey let me get about three of them blue diamonds
I promise I got you tomorrow

[Chorus]

[Killer Mike]
When I drill, I don't spill, even if she's on the pill
Keep my weapon covered, concealed, and in a shield
Cause I dont need that A-I-D-S
A D and an A missin' out my ADIDAS
PLUS, We don't need no DNA mixin' between us
We just need to keep this thing friendly and hush hush
On the down low, like R. Kelly and youngsters
But over eighteen only cause baby I'm no perv
From the tour bus to the lobby, elevator to the room
We can jump each others bones but there's no jumpin' brooms

[Big Boi]
Buffoon you are too consumed in the womb
It is too early for you to jump the broom, BOOM

here's this week's comic.

and this was last week's.

i never posted them. i'm not really even sure why not...

thanks for all the mom stories by the way. they were awesome. way funnier than my comic turned out. this funny business is hard sometimes.

p.s. i love my mom. happy early mother's day.

So yesterday Jess and I went to see Eli Wallach talk at Politics & Prose. Before we went in, I told Jess if there were less than 10 people there, I wanted to leave, and also that we would be the youngest people there.

I didn't have to worry about the first part, but the second part was dead on - it was a room filled to the brim with amazing, eccentric older people with a myriad display of health problems:

There was the shaven headed, man who kept changing seats but couldn't sit down properly, so he would just let his 200+ pounds of bulk fall into chairs. When Wallach talked about Elia Kazan's testimony to the House Unamerican Activities Committee, this fellow kept muttering "he's a rat, he's a rat" under his breath.

There was the woman in the pink jump suit and the southern belle voice who said "Good HEAVENS, it's sooooo good to see you and yarrr wife still togEETHHAH."

There was the lurching balding seven foot man in the Steely Dan shirt -who looked like the serial killer in the film Manhunter- who gushed for minutes about how he felt blessed to even be in the same room as Wallach. The threat of coiled anger oozed from this man, he will most likely snap and kill everyone in either his family or work - or both, within the next five years.

Wallach was great, he told lots of stories, most of them scandalous, the best of which was the one he started the talk with:

"When I was a young boy I used to ask my older brother about how women get babies. Sam said 'okay, well the man puts his penis in the girl's hole and makes a deposit'" - Wallach looked around and said he hoped he wasn't being TOO dirty at this point - "and I asked him, 'I thought the penis was just for peeing?'. And he told me "Well, you have these two balls under your penis, and they make sperm. When you put your penis in a girl, the balls send a signal to your brain, then the brain switches from pee penis to sperm penis.' I looked at him and said 'That's crazy! Why did God make it so confusing? Why don't we have a penis for peeing, and a penis for sperm? Then you wouldn't have to switch!'"

Mind you, this story was being told to us by Tuco from the Good, the Bad, & the Ugly, so it was a little surreal.

Afterwards, we went and ate empenadas with Ben, then went over to the Claw (Erica & Matt's domicile) to catch the post-OC hanging. Good times.

salt mist will corrode your reeds! accordion lost forever!

also, do not play your accordion in the rain! and please, wipe your persperation off of the keys when you are through playing.

(from smithsonian senior conservator don williams' "saving stuff")

b-but i was going to take mine to the beach! to play an incongruously sad, sad song...

I wish this yuppie would stop hitting on me. I don't think he's taking the hint, and besides the futility, I have work to do.

this event is of course in Baton ROuge.. BUT- If anyone anywhere else wants some free comics, tomorrow is free comic book day, and you should be able to go into one of your better local comic shops and pick up a copy of the book i'm in:

plus, Fantagraphics, Drawn & Quarterly, Alternative, Comics Festival, Oni, and others have some pretty good looking books that are worth picking up. Yeah, so chances are you've got a comic shop in town that's doing this, so if you've got some time to kill tomorrow you can swing by and pick up some free comics.

Why is it that anytime there is a show in this state that I would actually like to attend, I wind up stuck at home studying for exams or writing a research paper? I'm seriously starting to formulate a hypothesis that a Rock Show Scheduling Anti-Amanda Conspiracy of some sort exists.

I totally would have driven to Madison tonight for The German Art Students' CD release show. I even found out about it early enough that I could have made the voyage with enough time to spare to pick up some delicious Babcock Hall Dairy ice cream from the Union. Instead, I will read about the Reformation and memorize how many more times effective than carbon dioxide certain compounds are at trapping heat in the atmosphere.

It all started with a D&D game
A Time-Life book about the Blue and the Grey
A pewter chess set from the Franklin Mint
A rusty sword from my cousin's basement

You be the captain I'll be the colonel
Civil War re-enactor
You be the sargeant I'll be the surgeon
Civil War re-enactor

Next thing I knew I bought a blue cap
at a specialty store downtown
my wife stitched me a uniform
that I could wear around
I bought an old carbine and I picked up a sword
and polished my bayonette
my buddies from Michigan are driving down
Gettysburg--I'll get there yet

You bring the Monitor I'll bring the Merrimack
Civil War re-enactor
You drink the whiskey I'll cut your leg off
Civil War re-enactor
You bring the salt pork I'll bring the hardtack
Civil War re-enactor
All of the violence and none of the death
Civil War re-enactor

Sleeping like spoons to keep cozy at night
I filed my teeth to sharpen my bite
I got hit with a musket wad
so I'm never going back to my coffeeshop job

You bring the Monitor I'll bring the Merrimack
Civil War re-enactor
You drink the whiskey I'll cut your leg off
Civil War re-enactor
You bring the salt pork I'll bring the hardtack
Civil War re-enactor
All of the violence and none of the death
Civil War re-enactor

-The German Art Students

i have feel like a real hillbilly mom now. last week i was fortunate enough to bathe in diet coke, this week was cheerios.

what is the strangest thing you've ever bathed in, with, or...