For some reason, in the past few weeks, I've been getting boners like non-stop for no reason. I'll get them at work or just driving and its like I'm 16 again. There's nothing sexy about my office and there are no hot girls here. I don't really mind them although they are an inconvenience (see picking up things from the printer or going to get a cup of coffee). Maybe it's spring time and I need to find a doe-eyed girl to enjoy this party.
PARTY TODAY:
who is invited: YOU (girls only)
time: NOW
where: MY PANTS
Why am I so easily overwhelmed? It's not like I'm really THAT busy. I was just reviewing my calendar and flipping out because I have something to do every weekend.
I guess I am just so tired all of the time that I really don't like to have too many consecutive plans. That makes me really sad. I would be pretty amazing if I could force myself to be productive at all times, instead of always resting.
May 7/8: My brother's graduation is on the 7th. I decided not to go, because he doesn't care anyway.
I was going to do a photoshoot on Sunday but I don't feel like it. If I start dragging myself to non-paying photoshoots already, I'll just get sick of this right away. I cancelled. It's Mothers Day. Fuck. What the hell should I do for Mom?
May 14/15: I was going to have a photoshoot in Philly on Saturday... but I just moved that to the following weekend. I'm relieved about that, although i do feel a little guilty/lazy. I was going to go through with the "one shoot a week" thing, but now I'm down to one a month. After seeing those photos the other day, I am not so gung-ho about this modeling stuff.
Possible baseball game with Josh & crew that Saturday instead. That sounds way less taxing and stressful.
May 20/21/22: I'm gonna take off work on Friday, and go to Philly to do that shoot. Saturday is the New York Burlesque Festival in NYC. Should I try to squeeze in another shoot on Saturday or Sunday? Debating. I have several photographers up there I'd like to work with... but it'd be cool to do some bummin' around.
May 28/29: Ugh. Grr. See, this is the thing. The Unsane and Pig Destroyer are playing at the Ottobar. I have been looking forward to that. I missed the last Unsane show here because I was in NYC. BUT there is a burlesque show in Northern Virginia that I am now involved in promoting. It features several of my friends, including A. Pontani doing a tribute to Blaze Starr act. WHY ME!!!
My cousin Danny is getting married the next day. I'll be riding with my family for 4 hours to bumfuck PA.
June 4: I agreed to volunteer at this workshop for NACA, the company I might get my mortgage through. I am not feeling very psyched on that.. I mean, they haven't done anything for me yet, why should I do anything for them?
Eyehategod/Triac at the Ottobar that night. I'm into that.
I guess part of the thing that makes all of the modeling stuff less fun is doing it alone. What can I say? I'm just not that independent. I like having a 'partner' to go to shoots with me and stuff. Modeling can be a good way to keep me feeling up on myself now that I'm single, but its really fun to have someone else involved in it with me.
Anyway, more or less... I think I don't like doing stuff. I think I just want to wander around aimlessly and goof off. I mean... what am I working towards, anyway?
A former co-worker of a coworker sent out this e-mail.
Names and places have been obviously changed to protect those who definitely don't need any more misery heaped on their heads.
Hi everyone,
Once again we have changed email addresses as we have gone back to AOL. Now our email address at home is ***NOT4U***@aol.com. Please drop us a line so we know we have your correct address.
Other then that only update I have is –
Persephone came to visit from New Mexico this last weekend, I think we saw her for about 30 minutes. She now lives in Gallup New Mexico with her boyfriend, who I have still not met. She is trying to have another child, and hopefully all will stay in New Mexico. I will be adopting Artemis and Ares formally as soon as possible.
Ceres is doing great!! She has been clean from all drugs, alcohol and tobacco for 4 months. She is getting a little poochy belly, expecting her first child on October 15th, a week before she turns 17. Her boyfriend is in Jail and will not be released before being deported back to Mexico. Who knows when she will see him again?
Artemis is learning to use the potty. Yesterday she pooped in her toilet, we thought we were make great strides, until later she pooped in the bath tub too, hoping she isn’t going to start pooping everywhere now!! She is beautiful as usual and always makes us laugh.
Ares is almost walking, he stands on his own but that’s as far as he will go. Maybe next week he will be running and chasing his sister. He is such a HAM. He has the biggest smile and the cutest laugh I have ever seen on and heard.
As for me, I am hanging in there, trying to stay a float. I am gaining weight from the POS Disease which has me scared to death and is making me very depressed. I will find out more about the cancer in a couple of weeks when they do more tests. I am scheduled for a bone density test in two weeks and my Doctor is also trying to get a sleep study scheduled, but the cost after insurance is still outrageous, so I am not sure if or when that will ever get done.
Have a great day,
Love, Demeter
Folks, this is what happens to your life when you use AOL.
I am an enthusiast of drinking on the job and going to Gordon Biersh on the lunch hour expecially when you know the bartender and pay in tips only. And I love killoggs and the killogians and sometimes i dislike killoggs but that is really analogous to the degree that I hate myself. Really. And so I pose an arbitrary question to you, my love/hated ones: no, fuck that, I'm not asking a question. I have already made my decision and I'll tell you about it later whether I fail or succeed, all I will say for now is that 19 is NOT too young for 34 because it's not about that shit you know? It really isn't. I mean, it really really isn't. It's about... it's about... if you can hold a conversation longer than you can hold your wad, then pretty much that is the golden rule of engagement I live by. I would like to think you folks agree. You agree, right?
