Well that about settles it.
If anyone at my old place of employment still had regrets about letting me go,
What they find when they come into the office tomorrow morning should erase those second thoughts.

Fuckers really oughta change the security codes and move the master key to a different drawer in a different cubicle...live and learn and watch your step, kids, because I was a little liberal with the superglue when I was spreading those centerfolds out...oh yes.

movies I've seen in bold (in the comments)

Josh: i havent looked at killoggs in like 36 hours. but as far as im concerned, if there isnt a drawing of mitch hedberg, terry schiavo and bass wolf cavorting in heaven... i will be a sad, sad white man

R.I.P. Bass Wolf:



R.I.P Johnny & Terri:



R.I.P. Mitch:



...so many people have died this week, it almost seems like it has to be an april fool's joke.

hmmm....so yeah...

i guess i'll put these up on eBay and give whatever money they bring in to charity just like the original one, (Johnny Cash, John Ritter, and Jesus). Please advise on what charities you might think Terri, Johnny, Mitch, & Bass Wolf might have contributed to in the responses...

This woman called to see if we had received her timecard. I picked it up off the fax machine and glanced at it. After her signature, there was a drawing:



I said "yep we received your timecard. Like your drawing there..."
She replied, "Those are my kitties! The one on the top is Fluffy, and then Speckles, and the one on the bottom is Lacey!" (Names changed because I forget them)
I didn't really know how to reply. "Nice touch," I said. "Have a good weekend."
"You too! Happy April Fools Day," she answered. "Don't forget to set your clocks forward!"

I really wish I could convey the tone of her voice when saying "those are my kitties!"

Its her first week, I can't wait till next Friday.

Ever since i've started working construction, I listen to WTUL for like eight hors a day. All the music is pretty fucking horrible unless you're really into Iron & Wine or Dizzee Rascal, but i've been winning a shitload of free tickets from them. So anyway, Neil Hamburger played at One Eyed Jack's on Wednesday and i won some free tickets. He was pretty funny, but then i had to piss and he called me a prick when i got up to urinate. In retaliation, I pissed in a plastic cup and gave it to him. He picked it up, thanked me, and then realized it was piss because it was warm. He got pretty pissed off and kicked it off the stage. He was too smart for my clever ruse. Next time I'll ice it down. He then proceeded to invite me onstage to "hang myself" from the rafters. I just used it as excuse to steal all of his beer and a bottle of white wine. After I chugged all that shit, things started to get pretty fucked up. I fell over in the bathroom and shattered their sink. So now i'm not allowed in there until we open up for MDC. I left my wallet on top of Quintron's van in the ninth ward and then found it about an hour later near the tracks, minus my ID and library card. He drops me off on Decatur street at this shitty bar called Aunt Tiki's (the old Hideout). Some chick smarts off to me about being broke so i threw her crossword puzzle on the floor. The bartender told me to leave, i threw my Chartreuse drink in his face, and then the next thing I know I'm being chased down Decatur by the bartender, four of his friends, and a barstool. One of the goths punches me in the face, my nose starts shooting blood all over the street, and i went into the Abbey to stuff a bunch of napkins up my nose. They threw me out for bleeding all over the bar. By this time it's about ten am and i've got nowhere else to go except home. On my way back to the Treme I run into this guy i know who's dropping off his kid at school. He takes me to a dog park and starts giving me a bunch of Milwaukee's Best he had in his backpack and free cigarettes. I couldn't even get up off the ground at this point and started to pass out next to a condom wrapper. i called everyone i knew trying to get a ride home inbetween prank calls to the dickhead bartender at Aunt Tiki's. Finally Bateman gives me a ride home and i slept for twenty-four hours and missed two days of work. It was worth it, but it's kinda embarrassing admitting that you got beat up by a goth.

Now that John Paul has joined or will soon be joining Terri Schiavo, I'd like to propose Bernard Law for next Pope.

Few could be more worthy to wear the dress.

Do I have second...?

ha ha. good one!

anyone know where i can get cheap van parts? i'd like to try to fix this myself. I can't believe someone would just hit my car and not leave a note or anything! What is this world coming to?!?

ha ha. stupid karma.

I have a couple of these left (like 30 or so). I was going to mail them to you guys...

Send me your mailing address if you want one.