It’s the wee hours of a rainy October morning, and Ben Claassen is silk-screening T-shirts and assembling hundreds of tiny comic books, working frantically to prepare for the Crafty Bastards art fair in Columbia Heights in just a few hours. It’s his birthday and his sister is in town–two perfectly fine reasons to shuck off work. But not tonight. Tonight this up-and-coming young Hyattsville artist has a deadline to meet.
Deadline. Even the word can send shudders through a young man accustomed to wandering into work two hours late. He’s had a promising year, landing himself a regular comic strip in the Washington City Paper, as well as completing his first full-length book illustration. But this 27-year-old Peter Pan has begun to realize that if he wants to take things to the next level, he’ll have to infuse his free-spirited art with some very adult discipline. His chief worry: If he grows up, will art stop being fun?
I'd like to write a post on what I think will be, or should be BIG in 2005. You know, like Entertainment Weekly or Time or Black Tail does at the begining of each year. I do have a degree from the Manshit School of Ass Cum-munications. I thought I should put it to good use seeing as how I spent 25 thousand dollars on a degree that is pretty much worthless upon graduation. Thanks for the memories, and the debt LSU. Anyway, back to the BIG in 2005 list.
#1 : Presidential Assassinations
I predict assassinating the president will make a big come back in 2005. It's long over due, and just like fashion, everything comes back around in 20 years or so. We haven't had an assassination attempt since Reagan, and even that one was a failed attempt. You would think with all the crazy people in the world....geez, fuck that, you would think with all the crazy people in my neighborhood someone would want to impress Jodie Foster again by shooting the president. Also, I heard through the grape vine that Jodie Foster really gets wet at the thought of both the president and vice-president being assassinated together. She's just kinky that way.
#2 : Bigotry
We're the generation that grew up in the age of Political Correctness, and it sucks. I'm so jealous of our parents and our grandparents generation. Their's was a time when hate speech was not only tolerated, but smiled upon. A time when you knew words and phrases like 'spear-chucker', 'jungle bunny', 'wet-back', 'niggar and/or negro', 'spick', 'slaint-eyed bastard' or 'faggot' etc. not only drew laughter but also admiration from your peers. Look, I'm not saying we'll be able to reverse the harmful effects of Political Correctness in one year, but we can at least start laying down the foundation and roots of hate so that bigotry can one day be acceptable again. I have a dream that one day my son can look upon an interracial couple and yell out "Niggar Lover" in a crowded room without being chastised.
#3 : Hot Chicks Having Sex With Guys Named Neal
This one was also on my BIG in 2004 list. It never really caught on this past year.
#4 : Shitty Music
Look, honestly, the first 3 things on my list probably won't be BIG in 2005 (even though they should be, especially #3), but one thing you can always count on is that the masses will listen to and love shitty music. In fact, I'll go on record saying in the immortal words of Justin Wilson "I guaranty you'll hear plenty of shitty music in 2005." (Also, be prepared for a lot of shitty movies and television, too)
#5 : Development of a Healthy Cigarette
All this anti-smoking bullshit is ridiculous. This country was founded on tobacco. Bottom line, smoking makes you look cool. End of story. I don't understand why the tobacco industry can't invent a cigarette that's good for you. While they're at it, make cigarettes that give off an appealing odor such as lemon, or pine, or freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. How awesome would it be to come home from a smokey bar smelling like blueberries or the interior of a new car. Get to work Philip-Morris.
So there you have it. My list of things that will be, or should be BIG in 2005.
(note to future employeers who might read this : The comments made in #1 and #2 are sarcasm and satirical wit. You know, like Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal. He didn't really think people should eat babies in order to solve the overpopulation problem. Of course, you would have know this unless you are a complete fucking idiot in which case I don't want to work for your stupid, fucked up company anyway).
I woke up, talked with Ben for like an hour about our 2K5 world domination plans, then went to work.
I walked in (late) and one of my coworkers had apparently cut off her thumb (or most of it?) with a bagel slicer. She was being herded out by two coworkers to the ER, with a bloody towel wrapped around her thumb!
I didn't even know we HAD a bagel slicer, and now I probably won't get to use it.
Then my Vice President sends me a Christmas e-Card, one that is pretty complex with a lot of photorealistic flash effects, different interactive parts, music and sound... and asks if I can "make something like this, but different, and using pictures of our buildings. Also, make the text different"... TODAY.
My birthday is coming soon, Jan. 3, however, I will be celebrating the following Friday instead (Jan. 7). Exactly what I'll be doing for my birthday, I haven't decided, but a I'm considering a party at the house. However, some people are discouraged by parties at our house, so maybe we'll just go out some place instead. Or maybe someone else would like to host my party? I'll let you know when the plans have solidified, so keep this date open if you want to celebrate with me, because I'll definitely be doing something fun, and action-packed. Pure nitro, baby.
I haven't posted on here, or even looked at Killoggs in a while. Good to know everyone is still kickin' it, one time.
I've got a little proposition for any of you creative Killoggers. I have moved to Memphis and have to make flyers for a DJ night where I'm spinning records. (gay, I know, but its a cool bar, free drinks and some pocket change) I have no computer except for this here library by my house. I have no way to make a decent flyer that doesn't look like a middle schooler cut out pages of a magazine. There are tons of creative and bored people here, so how bout you hook a sister up and help design something for me? I'll reward you in a killer mixed tape, or some fun mail. Requests will be considered too.
Come on, I know you have nothing better to do.
It'll be like a contest, and you can post ideas or whatever in the responses, or email them to ohowvery@aol.com
Here's the info:
BEER BUST at The Hi-Tone (1913 Poplar)
$5 Pitchers of Papst all night
w/ Dj Bad News Ang spinning the best of
Punk, 80's Brit Pop, Post Punk, Indie and Garage
Tuesdays Dec.28-Jan.25
Yeah so I did some thinking after some dude a few weeks ago asked me the cliche, "Which five albums would you take with you on a desert island?" I of course couldn't name them on the spot. I also know that the following albums really don't necessarily reflect my true top five, but I feel that I would be content with these albums for the rest of my life, or I would choose to write my own songs or be content with the ocean's waves...blah blah blah. I have to admit that there are too many albums out there for me to say that this list will not change in a year. Also, I did not put any Beatles or Otis Redding because I chose not to torture myself with selecting one album.
My tastes are not that obscure as you can see...I'm pretty normal.
Kate T's Desert Island CD's!!!
1. Underworld LIVE - Everything Everything (HELL YES!!!!)
2. Beach Boys - Pet Sounds (can't live without this one)
3. Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea (vital as well)
4. Kid A/Amnesiac (counting as one album, deal..'cause it's my list)
5. Sonic Youth - Daydream Nation (this one still blows me away)
Alternates (i also consider all these my fave albums as well)
Luna - Bewitched
Stereolab - Dots and Loops
Modest Mouse - The Moon and Antarctica
The Notwist - Neon Golden
So I'm thinking that I'm coming across and slightly down to that area in January. Either from the 14th to the 18th or from the 21st to the 14th. I want to stay Monday to watch Julie bartend. Maybe she'll hook me up, ya know? So, I'm looking to meet the most Killoggers that I can and also find free places to stay. And possibly cool things to do. Both weekends are the same price right now. Anything cooler going on in whichever weekend? Let me know what you think.
They had a free magic show at school today as a reward for a successful fundraising event a few weeks back. Oh yeah, I totally took an hour out of my day and sat in the auditorium with all the kids and watched the most memorable magician I have ever seen. He was good, I gotta tell you. I only saw ONE trick that he did where I actually saw how he did it. (I did see several where I knew HOW he did it, but didn't actually catch him at it.) But that wasn't what made him so memorable. It's tough to know where to start, but when in doubt, the best place is always the mullet. SPECTACULAR mullet on this man. PERMED mullet. I wish I'd had my camera. Then there was his outfit... black leather pants, a black t-shirt, and a black leather vest. He came onstage to the throbbing beat of everyone's favorite New Jersey rocker. No, not that one. We're talking BON JOVI. "Lay Your Hands On Me." The adults (thankfully it was mostly staff, with only 2-3 parents in the audience) were either in hysterics or in shock. I was about to die laughing. Partway into his show, he took off the vest, and it was almost like he was doing it suggestively - like he started to and stopped in mid-grind - at a Christian elementary school. It was at, or shortly after, this point that my friend Alicia had to get up and leave because she just couldn't keep it together anymore. No, wait, that's right. She didn't leave until after the guy brought out and brandished a SMIRNOFF VODKA BOTTLE, then poured it into a wineglass, whereupon it changed color to a nice rosé. "Look kiddies! I can't turn water into wine, but I can surely change VODKA into wine!" It was astonishing. I mean, really, the guy WAS good. It just seemed a little... I dunno, edgy? For a Christian elementary school and all? After it was over, I was standing at the receptionist's desk. I could see out the window to the parking lot, and I saw him pull up his car to begin loading out his equipment. I busted out laughing, and everyone looked at me, well, like they usually do. I pointed and said, "Of COURSE he drives a Camaro. What else could he POSSIBLY drive?" Oh, man. Good times.
(Also lifted directly from my site, but this story was so awesome I had to share...)
