I saw an exhibit by this art fag named Dane Howard. I like his paintings.

Recently, I was in the car with someone. She was relating a conversation about euphemisms and slang for the labialed cave, the hamhole, the blood cloaca, the nether-maw, the hollow fist of fertility, the furry delta, the pussy, the cunt, you get the picture.

"Didja mention piss-flaps or beef curtains?" I asked. These are old stand-bys.

"No, Jesus Christ No, that's horrible. I've never heard those phrases before. No wonder you can't get a girlfriend. If a girl heard that, she'd never go out with you again. On top of that, neither would any of her friends, or any of their friends, or any girl any of them ever spoke to about you"

So, ladies of Killoggs, I must ask you, are you so offended by the phrase STABBING THE PISS FLAPS or PARTING THE BEEF CURTAIN, that you would forego any contact with one such as I who had uttered them in your presence, or whom had been reported to you as someone who would or had uttered such things. Why? If not, do you have a preference? I mean, would you rather hear the phrase STAB THE PISS FLAPS, or some variant of such, or would you rather hear PART THE BEEF CURTAINS?

Furthermore, if you have a favorite phrase, even if it's just STABBING THE PISS FLAPS or PARTING THE BEEF CURTAIN would you mind calling me at 773-459-6029 and whispering it either to me or my voicemail. I'd love to hear that shit, actually, I'll be blunt, I'm probably going to whack off to a looped tape of whomever calls. But can you blame me, I've been using the phrase piss flaps too often, and now no one wants to fuck.

Does anybody want to buy these?
I have two of these and one RCA receiver. c'mon.

question for everyone:

I have this friend who is not meeting the kind of ladies he wants to be meeting. One reason for this is he's a bar regular, and as he keeps getting older, the girls that go there keep getting younger, or older and more alcoholic. he's trying to expand his social circle beyond bars and his job. he's in some martial arts class but it's primarily male.

I suggested online dating.

I used the personals on nerve.com (which are the same personals as onion.com and also salon.com) and I also have used match.com. I stopped using them about 3 years ago. I know people get really freaked out about online dating and recoil in horror if anyone brings it up, but I have actually had a good bit of luck through the personals and met some incredibly interesting people I would not have met otherwise. bars and friends can be very limiting social groups when it comes to dating, and for really shy and socially anxious people, online dating can be a much more comfortable way in which to meet people. Anyway, I've been outside of the online dating scene for over 3 years, but i was wondering if anyone had any suggestions for this guy--you know, maybe a site that you had some luck with, etc. I realize this may be private to a lot of people and so if you want to keep your privacy, just email me (dorkygrrl@hotmail.com). I'm good with keeping my mouth shut about stuff so there won't be any gossip or conversations in the girl's club, etc.

Hi. I just got back from playing what could possibly be one of the stupidest shows my band has played so far. It was a show in Harrisburg, PA at a place called Champion Ship Vinyl. A really retarded "record store" that also has a space for shows. First off, my record collection was bigger than their entire selection they had to offer. Whatever, they had the first Black Dice 7" so it was kind of cool.

Anyway, the show..we played to 2 people! Our friend and sometimes roadie Mike Mann and our singer's wife, Florence. I think 2 other people might've strayed into the room. Our drummer was high and some of us were buzzing so it was ok that we were fucking up songs and just generally not caring. All in all it was fun having an out of town band practice. Lets do it more often, ok?

For anyone that cares, Clancy Six will be playing at American University in lovely Washington, DC THIS Sunday October 3rd. I believe it is at The Tavern on campus. It will be with Amateur Party and True If Destroyed and probably one more band. If you need info please consult with Brian, dozer@riseup.net. Thanks and hope to see some of you there!