I HAVE FOUND MY CAR!!! I seriously feel as though I've won the lottery or something.

So me and my roommates are talking to one of my friends at our party last night (his name's Alx) and we're telling him about how we all met while working at Visions. He says, "Visions? You guys worked at Visions." We tell him yeah and that even after I quit I hung out there all the time.

Then Alx tells how he knows about Visions and asks us if we know Sean and Zack? Apparently Alx and Sean have known each other forever. I wanted to call Sean but didn't have his number but Alx did so he busted out his celly and called him.

So weird.

Am I going crazy???

I can't find, in my spare little room, one pair of 8-year-old Quicksilver flipflops, much beloved. I wore them Thursday night. It's not possible that I could have returned home barefoot. As a matter of fact I remember leaving them on the floor by the side of my bed when I got home, neatly lined up, next to two other pairs of shoes, which are still there with an empty space between them now.

Two days later, they are nowhere to be found in my apartment.

My roommate has volunteered the information that the girl who lived in my apartment before me woke up one morning to find the insoles of a pair of her running shoes missing.

There is a shoe-fetishing thief on the loose in my building!

I swear, this was sent to me by a female.

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish.............................................49
Adventurous.................Slept with everyone
Athletic......................................No tits
Average looking....................Ugly
Beautiful...........................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile..................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure......................On medication
Feminist..........................................Fat
Free spirit....................................Junkie
Friendship first..........................Former slut
Fun..........................................Annoying
New-Age............Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned.............................No BJs
Open-minded.................................Desperate
Outgoing......................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate...............................Sloppy drunk
Professional....................................Bitch
Voluptuous...................................Very Fat
Large frame.................................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate...............................Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?


MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

Wedding dress for sale. Isn't it beautiful.

1. Curb Your Enthusiasm - Complete First Season DVD - I may be a bit late on this but after never seeing a single episode of this show, I finally picked this up. Had me close to tears from laughing so hard many times. Amazing how Larry David gets completely REAMED in every episode.

2. The Roots - Tripping Point - I spent close to $200 on records this weekend in Philly and this album is one of the many I picked up. Has been in my car's cd player non-stop. Probably their best album yet and a great follow up to "Phrenology"

3. Growing - getting to see them live 2 days in a row - Growing are this great ambient/drone band from Olympia, WA. Words can't even begin to describe the music they play. Lots of beautiful, delayed guitars with brooding drones. Kind of a mellower Sunn O))) or Earth. I got to see them twice in Baltimore and Philly this past weekend. Baltimore show was cool but there was only like 10 people there and they only played 30 minutes. The next night in Philly they played close to an hour and also had a visual presentation. I wish I could've eaten some shrooms during their set.

4. All the rain we've been having. Not sure what's going on in your area but it rained like a motherfucker here in PA and was a much needed welcome to the oppressive heat.

5. Rita's Italian Ice - I want to apply for a job at the one near my house just so I could just sit around and eat Italian ice all day.