Tyler and I want to take a week-two week vacation this summer. We have around $1000-$1200 maximum to spend on said vacation. We would prefer something exotic and not in the U.S., but we would settle for a place that is in the U.S., warm, and by the ocean. The travel will most likely occur in June-July-early August.

We never got the chance to take a proper honeymoon. Our honeymoon consisted of driving in 6 hour shifts along with our best man for about 40 hours, straight back from Vegas, with each "spent" driver occasionally drinking a shitload of gin until he or she could pass out for a few hours and sleep with the Punk Rock Duck in the backseat. We would like to finally take a decent honeymoon.

So, what is your advice, Killoggs? Cruise? Hotel? Where are the nice places you have traveled, and why did you find them so appealing? Do any of you have beachfront property?

Advice, people! I demand advice!

I was sitting in my underwear looking at bills when Dennis knocked on the door.
I looked down at my credit card bill. I’d stopped using the card long ago, but the payments went on. Under optimal conditions, I’d be paying that bill until 2010. What’s five years really? Still, all of the things I’d used it for were long gone. I tried to remember what I’d spent it on… some car repairs, food, parties, and presents for my friends. The first thing that came to mind was my trip with Caitlin to New York. I’d bought her thirty dollar bus ticket, and mine. We drank expensive New York drinks. I picked up some slutty dresses that I never wore.
There was this guy that Caitlin knew, who owned a bar. He let me put about 150 dollars of coke and painkillers right on that card.
I wondered to myself how Caitlin was doing now that she’d moved to the suburbs. She never really came downtown anymore, and I hadn’t talked to her in awhile.

The doorbell startled the hell out of me. Dennis was drunk, and he was upset.
I was supposed to meet him hours ago, but I’d never called. I didn’t quite remember if we were supposed to hang out that night or the next, and I didn’t bother to call and ask. I just never got around to it.
Dennis was wasted.
I closed the door behind him and kissed him on the couch. Rachel usually didn’t come home from work until the morning, and even if she walked in, she would have probably been too high to remember or care.
Anyway, I could really use a good fuck.
Stupid drunk couldn’t cum.
I tried to coax him to keep going, but he finally pushed me off of him. He pushed me down off the couch and onto the hard wooden floor.
I swung my arm up at him and hit him in the neck with my fist. He coughed as he picked me up and rammed me down again onto the floor. Then into the radiator. He left purple handprints wrapping around my arms, and a big yellow bruise on my lower back. My teeth cut the inside of my mouth.
As my head smacked against the wall, and the pain up there hurt worse than his grip on my arms, time slowed down for a second. And suddenly, for that one second, I understood.

Little strange things kept happening to me all day.

This morning I rode the bus to work for the first time because I was running late. There was a crazy guy with a giant smile glued on his face sitting across from me who kept staring at me all funny like. Then he started mumbling a bunch of jibberish. I wondered what exactly he was saying. In Crazy Talk he could have been saying some serious stuff and though I'm crazy, I'm not quite crazy enough to be fluent.

Then after work I was sitting at the cafe area eating some seafood gumbo, about to make a call to my friend, phone in hand. As I'm on the phone this guy with some kind of palsy comes up to me and starts getting his mack on. He's like "UHHH- weren't youuuu innnn my cuhh-lasss at towwwson??" and I'm like "uhh..no" and he goes "Well (and he's all shaky like) muh-muhmaaaybe we should kuh-eep in t-t-toouchhh" and he pushes a newspaper towards me with a pen and waits for me to write down my number. I wanted to tell this Jerry's Kid to fuck off, I really did, but that's just not the way I roll. So I jotted down my number and he gave me his. I now have him entered in my cell phone as "Palsy Guy". All the while this whole conversation was being recorded on my friend's voicemail. "You sounded kinda bitchy," she said.

After work I met Kara for some dinner at the Pavilion and we got some pizza at good ol' Mangia's AKA Mangina's. Afterwards I went to use the bathroom and as I was leaving the stall a little retarded girl with her pants worn Urkel style leaped out of nowhere and said "HI!!!!" She was really cute. I love retarded kids. Infact, I love retarded people. Especially people with down syndrome. Back in some of elementary school they were some of my best friends, and you know why? Because they were open minded and they didn't judge and they didn't care what kind of clothes you wore or how high your bangs were, or how much makeup you owned, they just wanted to play. And so did I.

On my walk back home I passed a feuding family. Alterna-teen daughter was looking glumly at her shoes as father scolded "It's JUST UNACCEPTABLE!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!?" and then WASPY mother chimed in with "YES! There is no acceptable reason that makes this okay. NONE!!... NONE!!!" And daughter continued to stare at her shoes and then an ambulance sped by and the conversation was replaced with screeching sirens.