I can't stop wearing my Mr. Furious shirt. I traded one of my Asian Cajun Vegan Cook Zines for it to this woman who had swiped it and many other articles of clothing from a giveaway box of some expensive thrift store. It is the best shirt ever! If you aren't familiar, it is from the great movie, Mystery Men. Oh, by the way, if you want a copy of my Asian Cajun Vegan Cook Zine, send $2 postpaid to me at 1610 Adams Street, New Orleans, LA 70118.

Yesterday, under the above Headline, Friendster garnered a mention in a Wall Street Journal article, on the front page of the Personal Journal section. Its lead/slug or whatever you journalist types call it is Dating Sites Now Reject Some Applicants Upfront; Flunking the Personality Test. In the opening paragraphs, Jane Spencer, the writer, discusses 25 year old Nik Bosyk's questionnaire failure and subsequent rejection at eHarmony.com. I know, from browsing, that this website advertises with predominantly religious or extreme right wing websites, e.g. agapepress.org, wnd.com. Typically its banners read "Are Soul Mates Real? They are. eHarmony.com"

Prompted by this I took the questionnaire last night, answered mosty honestly, and failed, too. It's questions are as biased toward type-A, W.A.S.P's as the Scientology questionnaire's queries are designed to rate you as sick and in need of their services.

At about this time, I had a sort of unformed idea in my head, too.

Going back to the article, whose purpose seems to be "Exposing the elitest trends of on-line dating services," the one sentences deemed to discussing Friendster reads: "In yet another brand of cruelty, Friendster.com, the dating site darling of the hipster crowd, requires an invitation from a current member to get access to a broad network of people." How that is cruel, I don't know. Obviously the author missed the sign-up page, where you can create your own account, as well as the predominantly faked accounts swelling Friendsters ranks. While, I'm not raising accusations of Blair like activity, she is stretching the truth a bit: either someone didn't do her research or played fast and easy with perceptions.

But, back to my idea. I thought, since I had recently put up a mostly honest profile, and received a few inquiries, from some generally unattractive persons three to four years younger than myself, what if I took it upon myself to start filtering and rejecting friendsters? After a few hours of sleep last night -- literally 2-4 a.m. -- i woke, made some coffee, and got started.

So, without further delay, Here are the beginning salvos of this, my new mission.

This first exchange began when, Melissa, below wrote. The title of her e-mail refers to my name last night, "BigBrownEye", and the fact that my picture was a close up of one of my BigBrownEye. Melissa is probably unaware that Big Brown Eye is a scatological reference to the presentation or threat of presentation of ones spread buttcheeks and the brown tint of the tissue surrounding the average American's anal pore. I can't think of any other reason than ignorance to explain why she would introduce herself as having a "bigger browneye" than mine.

Needless to say, Melissa, the psyche major from springfield's, is fucked.
_________________________________________________________
Melissa
You are connected to Melissa through:
You Giant Squid Johnny Love Jeff Melissa
You Brak Shawn Emily Melissa
You Brak Russell Emily Melissa
[See all 6 Connections]
Date: July 30, 2003 12:10 PM
Subject: mine's bigger
Message: I am a girl with hair. (on my head) Isn't that
what you are looking for? My eyes are bigger and
browner than yours. I win the eye contest.

Melissa

BigBrownEye wrote:
> Dear so and so:
>
> Competitive girls are immediately ruled out.
> We're looking for someone whom we can boss
around
> and who won't talk back.
>
> Unfortunately, with the economy as it is, we are
> unable to offer any consolation prize to you, our
> unsuccessful contestant

> Brandon appreciates your interest and wishes
you the best of luck in your future catting
attempts.
>
> Sincerely,
> Brandon

Melissa

You are connected to Melissa through:
You Giant Squid Johnny Love Jeff Melissa
You Brak Shawn Emily Melissa
You Brak Russell Emily Melissa

[See all 6 Connections]
Date: July 31, 2003 5:40 AM
Subject: Re: Your Inquiry
Message: Dear Brandon,

It is unfortunate that you feel intimidated by my
female prowess. We are looling for someone with a
full set of balls to back up his big mouth. Men
possessing only a partial set are immediately
ruled out.

Although we are quite unimpressed, we appreciate
your polite and timely response. Your mother
taught you well, possiably due to the fact that
you are stil living in her basement.

Best wishes in the future. We do hope perk up and
are able to stop paying for your sex.

Melissa

_______________________________________________


More responses to follow...

I actually broke Killoggs. Wow.

and you're shining just for me

If you notice any weird errors, post responses in this thread. (I assume responses still work).

I have a choice to make. A local research facility is offering $75,000 for a testicle or $100,000 for a pinky toe. Each will have a prosthetic replacement. I'm thinking my left pinky toe? Any suggestions for or against or right or left. I figure I'm still gonna be able to use both testicles when i am in a wheel chair and old but I lost a ball and someone kicked me in the groin it would only hurt half as much.

your advice means the world to me