my mom's birthday is in 4 days. killoggs' birthday is in 2 days. my mom gets ripped off cos her birthday is pretty much on mother's day every year. people who have babies should really consider all of this beforehand.

so all the mice are sleeping and i'm still stirring as per usual. i got a new license the other day. it's a maryland license and it felt weird as soon as i looked at it cos i suddenly realized that i live in maryland. i hate it when that happens. it's just not
something i would have believed if you were to tell me this when i was 7 years old on the playground at recess smashing bees because they had cameras embedded inside of them so they could record everything i did for my parents to watch later that night in their nightly review session of my childhood on their secret big screen television that was hidden behind their wall.

maryland.

more...

Ahem,

I have decided to no longer use my powers for evil. I used to think that evil was a lot of fun and glamorous. But I was wrong. Evil is wrongheadedness.

The condign reaction to this new development in my life is a unknown to me at this moment.

However, again, I will no longer use my powers for evil, this is understood.

My powers::evil steam engine::space flight

Things that are evil that are verboden to me:
1) urinating on public property
2) spreading rumors at work about the lasciviousness of certain jewish co-workers, whether or not they are true, whether or not I've got the pictures to prove it
3) Supporting any artist on Tigerbeat.
4) Things other people of sound mind may consider evil.


Things I will do to mitigate the evil of my youth
1) Take up with women of different races, creeds, and nationalities
2) Sampling their foreign pleasures and the concomitant social diseases
3) Infecting the snatches of as many white women as I can with these exotic microbes.
5) Increasing my contribution to the United Way
6) Writing home more often

Tonight, I am attempting to convert my vegetarian husband to the ways of the omnivore, armed with the weapon of lasagna. I'm not necessarily against vegetarianism, I'm just against having to cook two separate meals at a time, or not being able to eat things I like because I'd have to eat the leftovers every meal, every single day for a week. I also think Tyler's argument for not eating meat (unsanitary conditions) is flawed, as I worked in a canning factory for 3 days last summer (notice it was only for 3 days), and those vegetables aren't being sent to the grocery store any cleaner than the meat is.

Tyler and I are tentatively planning an East Coast visit for a week in late-June or early-July. We're going to stop in Allentown, PA to visit our friend James The Urine-Drinking Goth Artist, and perhaps visit NYC with him for a night. Then, we are planning to spend a few days in D.C., and a day or two by the ocean in Delaware. We hope to set up the tent and camp in the basement of the Dirtfarm for a night or two.

yep. believe it or not, the trampoline was stolen. We're not sure when it happened. I'm thinking it had to have happened yesterday while we were all away. I doubt it could have happened last night cos I was up til 5am watching a spider wrap a worm up in silk.

I will miss the trampoline. The other one is still around. I wonder if we can order the replacement parts for it.

I still kind of can't believe that someone actually managed to steal it. That thing was such a pain in the ass to set up and take down that we didn't bother locking it up. In fact, I remember a conversation about it where we agreed that if someone actually bothered to take it all apart and sneak off with it, then they probably REALLY wanted it and therefore probably deserved it. the last time i took it apart it took me like 2 hours. pretty insane. makes me feel a bit weird about the security of the house though. if someone bothered to take apart and run off with the trampoline, they might come back for more precious dirt farm goodies.

anyway, i am sad to see it go. we had a lot of fun on that stupid thing.

But anyway, right now I'm at work and I'm about to lay out the classifieds. In the classifieds there is a section called the "Person to Person" section. Every now and then I put stuff in it just for the hell of it. So if you read this in the next couple of hours give me some stuff to run in this week's paper.

Here's what I'm thinking:

To whomever stole our beloved trampoline: I hope you learn to jump really high with it cos you're going to need it for your final jump into the firey depths of hell.

Submissions? Send me some soon...