As long as I can remember, I've been acting, even though I started when I was 7.
Isn't that weird? I have hardly any memories from before, and the ones that I do have are not good ones.
Until recently, when I wasn't working as an actor, I felt like a complete loser. I felt like a failure, and would easily become depressed, and defeatist. Always coming in second place in a winner takes all poker game sucks, you know?
The thing about is, I had all this success as a child, and I've always felt like I needed to get out of the shadow of my childhood success, you know? If I could just create my own light, now, it would make the shadow fall the other way, and I could be happy. Since I hadn't equaled, or exceeded the success of Stand By Me (mostly) or TNG (not as much), I felt like my life was wasted, and I was only 27.
I figured out, when I was 28, I guess, that this was not the way to live. I couldn't let myself be defined by past successes or current (perceived) failures. I needed to find something about myself that I do well, that makes me happy and fulfills me.
So I started taking improv training, which led to sketch comedy training, which led to me feeling confident enough in making people laugh, which led me to writing more and more stuff, which led to me making a stupid website, which led me here.
One of the hidden benefits of the comedy training, was meeting a guy who has become one of my best friends, Travis. Travis and I are really kindred spirits. We were both child stars, we both have experienced the insane highs and horrible lows of celebrity, and we're both total computer gaming geeks.
Back in November, things looked really bleak for me and my family. I hadn't worked in any real capacity for quite some time, and our money was running out. My pride prevented me from switching careers from actor to professional autograph show guy, so we were looking at selling our house, along with just about everything that we didn't really need.
Then Travis told me about this company, G4. It was a new TV network, all about video and computer games; the people who make them, and the people who play them.
One of the shows was looking for a host/writer, and it seemed right up my alley. So I asked him to get me an interview, which he did.
Fast forward a few months, and I am very happily employed as a writer/host at G4, paying off all my bills, and loving the people I'm working with. I've been told that the feeling at G4 is like the feeling they had in the early days of MTV (before it was eMpTyVee, I guess).
That's a ton of history, which gets me to the purpose of this post: Tonight, I stayed late at work, to play Day of Defeat on the LAN with the guys who are on my show. There were about 8 of us, and we played 4 on 4 games for 2 hours.
It was awesome. The fun we had, talking trash, working as a team, and just hanging out...it was very different from working on a movie. When you work on a movie, you're so fucking burned out at the end of the day, you just want to go home. The idea of sticking around someplace to hang out is laughable.
The last couple of years have been really hard for me and my wife. Work hasn't been what we'd like it to be, and we've had lots of stress from her ex-husband, who seems to delight in making our lives a living hell, but things are getting much, much better, and sitting at my computer tonight, chasing Shamu though the apartments of this DoD map, to even up the score, and cheering along my producer when we finally won a game, gave me pause to stop for a second, and think about how good things have gotten, and how they're only going to get better.
This is a far, far cry from the crippling depression I felt about 3 years ago. Yes, that type of depression.
It's weird to me...if I hadn't been so down 2 years ago, I wouldn't have gone to ComicCon, and I wouldn't have met Ben...and I wouldn't have gone back, and seen Ben and Loren and Angele...and none of this would ever have happened.
Really makes me think about that saying, "Things happen for a reason."
Flight leaves at 6:55 am.
I have to be at National Airport by 5:55.
I have to get on the Metro at 5:31, the first train that comes by my house. Ben says there will be 8 people there, including me.
Until then, I pack. And clean. I like to clean my room before I go on a trip, so it will be nice when I get back. I will often neglect the things that I really need to do, like return my library books or pay bills, so I can clean my room before I go. I'm not sure why this is so important. I can't clean my room this time, though, because Josh is asleep in it. So it will stay messy. And I will be peeved. And wash the dishes instead.
Zingos are Extra Strength Caffeinated Peppermints. They remind me of No-Doze, which is also mint flavored.
I was very worried about making a mistake in my column this week. Paper came out. I didn't make a mistake. However, I edited a mistake into someone's else's column. I feel worse about that. They had to run a correction. I changed "quarter of a billion dollars" to "$250 billion." $250 million here, $250 billion there. Pretty soon you're talking about real money.
Oh, where is that flight taking me? To North Louisiana, of course! Where I get to see the coolest ladies in the world: Inez, Cheryl, Maureen and Irene. My grandmas and great-grandmas respectively. I also get to see my lil bro, who has moved back to Louisiana. If I am lucky, I will get to see my 10-month-old nephew. If I'm unlucky, I'll get in a stupid fight with his mom. Put your money on the latter.
I'll be in Minden for a week, which is the longest I have been there since I transferred from Tech to LSU. Jane G. and Mike Skoog, two of my favorite people from south of I-10, are coming to see me that weekend, though, so I think I can make it.
I'm just now starting to get rested from my hectic weekend. It's been a jam packed one. Since Killoggs seems pretty picture heavy right now, I'll try to keep the images small and sparse, but I'll post more on the responses page. On Friday, my friends Mike & Randy and I went to Houston to see the Japanese psychedelic rock group Acid Mother's Temple And The Floating Paraiso U.F.O.. This is true outer space music, heavy, raw & swirling. If you have a predisposition not to like "psyche", well, you still might not like them, but AMT might change your mind- it's the real deal. They seemed like nice people even though we didn't speak the same language, and two of them were wearing WWF t-shirts, so you can't beat that. It was a long drive there & back (I drove there and back up to Lafayette) but we all decided it was well worth it. Mike recorded the show on his mini disc and it sounded really good. Hopefully he'll get around to making a CD of it soon. Here's a picture of Kawabata Makoto, the leader of AMT. He's rocking out.
I woke up late on Saturday and cleaned the house a little before I passed out again. Talice had been in Kansas City at a ceramics convention for most of the week and was returning that day. I was groggy but awake when she got here.. After we hugged and smootched and all that we got all gussied up for our big Anniversary Dinner! Yes, that's right- We've now been together for six years as of sat, March 16th. Feel free to send us money and gifts in appreciation of our relationship. We spent our evening in a pretty low key fashion, just going out to Kamado's for sushi, which I guess is our favorite restaurant here in BR. We got a bunch of rolls, and even splurged on one of the big ones (Green Dragon, you can see it to the right there) We also got some seaweed salad, I had a big Sapporo and we topped it all of by sharing some green tea ice cream. It was a nice dinner and we had fun chatting and just being with each other again. I think it was almost nicer to have our anniversary right after we hadn't seen each other for a little while. It would have been good no matter what, but it was like an extra treat I guess. Once we were done eating I had to hurry home to gather CDs for my radio show. It starts at 10pm now, and I'm greatful for the chance to play my weird shit to an earlier audience, but I'm still not used to the window of preperation time I need to have to get there so early. Anyhow, I was still really tired from the night before and even more tired from gorging on sushi, but I did the show like a trooper because I'm so damn awesome. Ha ha. It was fun. Then I passed out, more or less.
On Sunday.. We went looking for cheap shoes at Marshalls to no avail, got confused about our timeline for the day, and eventually went over to New Orleans to see Chicks on Speed with Mr. Quintron at the Howlin Wolf. It was a good night. The opening act was this guy named Louie Austen , an older gentleman who was singing lounge style over techno-dub/pounding system type stuff and smiling all the while. He was great. Then there was some shitty local girl band called Hazard County Girls, who I assume were only on the bill because they were female ("dude, you know: Chicks?? It'll be great!"). Actually, Talice made that comment, so send all cries of misogyny her way. It must have been something other than the quality of their music, because they were totally time warped from circa 1993. One of the girls looked and sounded like early Courtney Love, another looked just like the White Zombie girl, and the drummer (who literally took 30 minutes to set up her drums!) just looked like she should be hanging out in a sports bar. And they were horrible grunge rock. Enough about them, I'll spend more time talking about the shittiest band and then say "they were great" for the ones that truly deserve commentary. Isn't that always the way? THere were terribly long waits inbetween the acts and although Ms. Pussycat's puppet show was entertaining, none of the music was really making up for it. Quintron was pretty good, but he wasn't really in great form that night. Talice decided she thought his songs were too long. I couldn't argue with her. At some point long after it should have happened, Chicks On Speed came out. I wasn't really prepared for how much I'd enjoy their show! They have a great stage presence with video projected on and behind them, handmade outfits, arm waving, running around the place, etc. , all the while keeping up their disaffected monotone style of singing. Their vocals remind me of that kind of Le Tigre/ Cobra Killer style of ranting/chanting, crossed with an early 80's pop approach to singing. They were surprisingly loud, pumping beats and raw noise from their samplers and powerbooks. At one point the one in the middle of the picture above was swinging around a Sherman Filterbank like it was a guitar, and they later played their belts like thrashing axes. It's amazing how much more "punk" they were than any of the bands that play "punk music" these days. Random crackling noise was triggered by various midi controllers, day glow make up was applied on stage, and a good time was had by all.
the hate has left killoggs and moved over to thepAvedearth. ben, andy, and i just got the following e-mail:
From: jon
To: Ben , Andy , Meredith
Date: Tue, 19 Mar 2002 19:45:13 (GMT)
Subject: hi
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
your opinions suck just as you. led zepplin paved the way for modern rock. i'm young and know more about music than you do. you should jump off a bridge and never talk again. just because you suck doesnt mean everyone suffers because of your suckiness. many bands on your list have had a influence on modern society. we draw our modern music from these bands that you openly and stereotypically critisize. people like you should be taken behind a shed and be beaten with a chinese fighting stick. never talk again and die.
that's in response to the bands we hate list on our site, which causes some controversy now and then. i don't think anyone here will find the bands we hate all that surprising.
earlier in the day, someone posted a nasty comment on the message board about a poem one of our favorite listeners, melli, wrote. ben says we get a lot of traffic because of that poem, because it's about frances bean cobain. i think melli comes to killoggs sometimes, or at least she used to.
in news lacking any real venom, today i ran over a box. i thought it was a piece of brown packing paper, but no, it was in fact a box with papers and such things inside it. it got stuck under my car and i had to pull over to get the box out. but it was really wedged under there and i wasn't strong enough to pull it out. eventually, some nice man came along, lifted up the car for me, and i managed to pull the box out.
tomorrow i'm gonna go to the last night of the oscar shorts at visions (*note* the band Zack was talking about, Acid Mothers Temple, is also playing in Baltimore), on thursday huddo and i are planning on going to the vespa shops in arlington (note the really bad page design... maybe i'll offer to do them a new one for free parts) and baltimore (and to the american visionary arts museum), thursday & friday night are the slamdance film festival, and saturday is the kite festival. i'm not sure what's happening on saturday night, but on sunday buzz wants to go to brunch in the morning with "the usual crew" (he gave me a list) at the 94th aero squadrant, and on sunday night there is a comics jam downtown and also an Oscar party at Visions.
The scariest part of it all is that with hookups, just about all of this will be free. Anyone want to go to any of this stuff with me? Am I forgetting something? I feel like there was someting else too...
Tomorrow is my last day in Baton Rouge for like forever. Well, maybe until Christmas. My parents are as lazy as I am and I won't actually get any presents unless I come home. Russell-husband-and I went to New Iberia where we got to meet a real Cajun girl. Neither of us could understand a word she said. I tried to ask yes or no questions so I could get my oyster poboy but she just kept rambling on anyway. Russ was very excited. We also took pictures with an alligator, went to New Orleans and did awful touristy things, drove to Natchitoches to give them pictures, and went to to the huge fun St. Patrick's day parade in BTR.
Russ is from Tucson so he had never done the cheesy Louisiana things before. Everywhere we went felt horrible, and uncomfortably artificial and surreal except Natchitoches. It was the only place I felt like I could one day live, though I don't see moving back here ever again. Too many other places I haven't lived yet. I was also made fun of for walking around my old high school. He didn't get it at first. His high school is the last place on earth he would actually want to go back to. After we were there for three hours in the faculty lounge putting together frames he got it. I have shown my work to a few people, over the years to lots of people. Most people don't get it. I have never in my life had so many people get it in a short span of time like the faculty at LSMSA. 3 or 4 teachers saw it while I was there to help select which pieces would go in the show (they took six, wheeeee! as many pictures as I had frames for) and every single person saw something that I saw. Brother Michael David and Mary Louise even picked out the same pieces that Michael Book, the world renowned photography critic (just ask him, he'll tell you himself) chose. It's just really nice to be understood when you spend so much time and effort on something that means so much to you. Its that same understanding that most of us felt that went there that makes us such upstanding characters today.
****The school is really hoping for more alumni work. If any former LSMSA students have anything worthy you should email pwidhalm@lsmsa.edu. There will be a sale on April 6, and then 25-30 pieces will be selected for a traveling exhibit. The exhibit will last a year and travel around different public institutuions and galleries in the state. It might look good on an artists resume and it is just a nice thing to have work displayed anytime anywhere. Speaking of exhibited work, there were lots of recognizable pieces hanging on the first floor of the high school buliding. Laura's blue and orange fish, Dakota Bertrand's Van Gogh flowers, Laura's dancing ladies ( I think that was Laura's). Very cool, and now you know the art you gave Michael David is not in a closet.
Tomorrow I am going to see Zack and Talice's work at the student art show at LSU. Maybe we can trade. Lots of people were talking about trading cool stuff before so now that I actually have something to trade...I am going to have images scanned soon for public perusal.
If anyone wants to see cool yard art drive by 344 Edison Street across from Calandro's on Government Street. My mom lives there and she is a wild woman. Feel free to get out of your car and touch things.
And just so someone will have something to relpy to, how do you feel about shooting stray dogs and poisoning cats? Seems to be a very Southern phenomenon.
The whole time I was traveling I only saw like four people I knew.
Molly-my best friend Bobby's best friend Robert's ex girlfriend who dumped him hard and made him give up lawyering to move to New York.
kevin Hurstell-ex boyfriend turned punk rocker now working in Barnes and Noble in a polo shirt. He's the best.
Jason-guy who worked in frame shop in craft center-saved my life by telling me when i was 18 that i was too smart to be out screwing every cute drunkard i met.
I don't know why when strangers tell you stuff like that you listen but when people who love you tell you stuff like that you go screw you man.
Ned!!! I saw Ned at the St. Pat's parade with his daughter. He was great. He is the best dad in the whole world. After the parade we saw him scouring the streets for more beads for Emily???( or was that his wife's name?). It was so weird. She is in kindergarten. I went to their wedding before she was born. I feel old.
Jason Maurides-had photo class with him as a sophomore. We had a big photo show with Cricket at M's. He ran away to do photography in Albuquerque (which is where I know live). He totally gave me the scoop and hook up about where to go and who to see in ABQ. Yeah.
Sarah McMorris-also at the parade-she's so cute. Looked exactly the same as last time. Healthy and yes, cute. Did I mention how adorable she is?
