below is an e-mail i just sent to my dad, who is very cool. but i'm pretty sure he's going to kill me. i will let you know. he reads killoggs, sometimes. hi dad!

From: Meredith
To: Dad
Subject: conception celebration!
Date: Wed, 13 Mar 2002 11:03:28

dear daddy-o,

as you most surely know, my birthday is approaching. no, this is not my wish list or a request for another advance from my trust fund. it's something entirely different.

you see, i got to thinking about all this birthday stuff. i'm going to be 25 years old, but i'm actually *older* than that - by nine months! that's right, standard rhetoric aside, i was already sort of alive for those nine months i was cooped up in mom's uterus, kicking and farting all day long.

i got to thinking that people should celebrate not just birthdays, but also "conception days"; i.e. the day i became just a little more than a gleam in my father's eye. [yours!]

i've done some calculating and i've determined that my conception day is sometime in july. here's where you come in! obviously, i can't determine *exactly* when i was conceived, so i need your help. oh, and mom's too. can you guys think back, real hard [i know you're getting up there in years yourself!] to july 1976, and let me know the exact day i was conceived on?

please let me know soon, july isn't too far away and i really want to begin all the preparations for my big conception celebration.

love,
meredith

p.s. we lost last night, 3-2.
p.p.s. can i actually have another advance from my trust fund? please?
p.p.p.s. what time are you getting into dc on saturday? please don't kill me when you do.

oh yeah, and today is my mom's birthday. happy birthday mom!

I had an interview this morning at a telemarketing firm. Usually, I assume those places are not legit. I found out how wrong I was the hard way.
Been sleeping about 9 hours a night. Wake up sleepy and a little irritable. Thought it was just me, my attitude, whatever.
Back to the interview. I was trying really hard to pay attention and speak eloquently but not too loudly. I think it is disrespectful to raise your voice at prospective employers. I didn't look at the floor. I looked the lady directly in the eyes. She told me I seemed nonchalant and non-enthusiastic. I asked her how could she get that impression (laugh it up, but I was taking the interview seriously).
She said I was speaking too timidly and that I seemed slightly annoyed. I told her the light in the room was bothering my eyes, but that was it.
At my doctor's office today, he asked me how my morning went. I told him the details of the interview, and added that I thought I needed a nap. He took a look into my nose. Doctor told me they missed something the last operation that was a bit glaring: deviated septum. He said that's why I'm tired and irritable all the time. I don't get enough oxygen when I sleep...the result of sleep apnea. Well, I said I get 9 hours most of the time. He said it didn't matter and I'd have to get the nose corrected after a sleep study he scheduled for Monday night.
The interview at the company was surreal. I felt like I was moving in slow motion. I got asked questions about my previous jobs and I answered them to the best of my ability, in detail. She told me I probably didn't have a job because of my demeanor. I told her that this was my first time talking with someone in a real, legitimate interview...all my other interviews were from scam artists at inflated job title type places, vacuum sales, selling junk door to door, etc. I told her that every 'customer sales rep/phone rep/telemarketing job' I'd ever employed for in San Antonio was an outright con job.

It was just an odd morning and I didn't take a nap. I just contacted my insurance company and a physician in Louisiana that concurred with the doctor in Texas's opinion: I'm sleeping, but it is not doing me any good at the moment until treated.

I'm sorta half awake and confused.

A 16 year old was convicted for the murder of his best friend, whom he slashed across the throat, and for the murder of the victim's grandparents. The Judge gave him 60 years. The rest of the story is located here, and follows as a pretty garden variety "shocking local tragedy" piece, with overtones of peer pressure and "that rock n' roll music" thrown in for the spider bots from CBN and Focus on the Family.

Story

Really nondescript, except for this:

"...Under the guidance of Sue and Matheny, Grimes rebelled against his parents, severed his ties to his church and was ordered to worship fire hydrants, Barron was told..."

Oh really. I guess that our apotheosis of FD's everywhere had to give way to this sort of rampant cult fetishism.

Now for a little bit of cultish fetishism for my xmx.:

On this side, the French, on the other side, the English - don't mix the two up.
(mumbles something in meter'd French) As an apostrophe to my love I offer these drawn-out lines:

Que prenez-vous quand il-fait froid? Tu! je prends tu! The other night I woke up/ There was a spider my bed. I thought about you


Qu'est-ce qui se passe? Arret! It was a handsome spider. And I decided to let it rest there - for it resembled your eyes so much, I could not bring myself to squish it.

Je a passe toute la journee a faire ses valises. And then I turned and went to sleep and thought of you confident that the spider would not bite me

Voila! It did!
Si un etranger demande votre nom, le lui donnez-vous? Aye, even the poisonous bite of my deadly bedfellow was given unto me to be recorded as pure pleasure.

Gerard Depardieu peut jouer tous les roles As my nervous system began to shut down, and the flesh surrounding the bite first to swell, and then to disintegrate, I thought about you and your recklessness with your hips.

And as the poison reached and bestilled my heart, I saw, for one last time the bounce of your hair and the wide arches of your smile.

Then as the last residue of oxygen evaporated from my brain, I heard you voice, and the claminess that flows from my palms at the anticipation of your arrival, mixed with the claminess of death.

And then I died, gripping your polaroid...

And I was dead

Not breathing,

Without a pulse.


expired.




not living anymore.












Gone!




But not lost, having constructed a monument with my words and sentiments more lasting than bronze!




By that I mean, these words, to you, my love




here!





Forever!





Not to be forgotten!
xmx 4 eva! Wid class!

Howdy, I ain't Gaudi.
Who you?

Scoolio is over this May with my art show May 13. Wee. I am making a movie called "Double D Vision" that I am shooting using my camera bra. It will be pretty.

Lately I've been listening to alot of Quintron. I think I want to put some of his music in the movie and I wonder if any killoggsers know him or his email or something. i gotsta get my greasy paws on it.

Oh. cool stuff. My video about following vito acconci will be screened at the end of this month at Galapagos in Williamsburg. And some art critics are coming to school to check out the video in april. hooray.

Ciao Ciao