Kiddo had just drifted off to sleep, letting the nipple slip out of his mouth as he rolled over to cuddle his dad. Tranquil domestic scene. I'm still awake, can't sleep, so I sit up and am about to get out of bed. Something drops from out of nowhere. A smallish black figure scurries across the blanket. Spider. Spider on my sleeping family. Oh, hell no.
I squashed him quietly, with two bare fingers. I wiped his corpse from my bedsheet with a flannel receiving blanket, and I laid him to rest in my fuckin' garbage can, because, motherfucker, you don't crawl on my family while we sleep. Because fuck you, I'm bigger than you, and this is my house.
Okay, who's calling these plays? Where art thou, Jimbo Fisher? And, for fuck's sake, I know the kid's fast and all, but he's 5 feet 5! He's going to be crushed in the backfield 9 times out of 10, I guarantee you! I know you can throw the ball, Matt Flynn. Why don't you throw the ball some? They have no secondary!
This is what my inner monologue will sound like about once a week from now until approximately mid-December.
Is it a little ... I dunno ... melodramatic and selfish of the trapped miners' families to keep making the company drill hole after hole into the mountain? Forgive me for being heartless, but aren't they already buried? What's the point of spending all this money and putting more lives at risk to bring their bodies above ground just so they can be put into coffins and put back into the ground somewhere else? Can't they find something else to talk about on the Today show, like fall fashion or apple tarts or something? I mean, damn. It's depressing.
There really was a baby in there after all!
Mary asked me to let you guys know:
Irene was born at 4:30 pm yesterday, the 9th of December. She weighs 8 pounds, 5 ounces, is a whopping 21 inches long, and has the chubbiest cheeks in the hospital.
Mommy and baby are doing better every day. She'll update everyone when she can, but she asked me to post this to quell any speculation. I'm pleased to report that she has a great shock of dark, dark hair, and greatly resembles her father's baby pictures.
She's a stubborn little girl ... I wonder where that comes from?
What's the Killoggs baby count at now, 5? They should all rumble, once they get older.
Does Christopher Guest keep making the same movie over and over, or is it just his "characteristic style", and if the latter is true, does it make him less of a filmmaker because he doesn't try to branch out from that style and explore different avenues?
I keep reading that many things about For Your Consideration are a departure from the other Guest movies ("it's not a mockumentary!"), but it certainly doesn't seem that way on the surface. Same cast, mostly improvised, story-within-a-story, you know the drill. Is it still interesting? Was it ever?
I liked Best in Show ok, and I saw A Mighty Wind but wasn't as entertained (though I did like Harry Shearer's final bombshell). I wasn't too keen on Waiting for Guffman. I love Spinal Tap. What do you guys think - are Christopher Guest movies played out?
I don't like this new Gap commercial with Audrey Hepburn in skinny black pants dancing all around. She was too skinny anyway, and now she's dead, and they shouldn't be using her skinny corpse to sell pants.
Being that I'm a temporary stay-at-home mom with unhealthy tendencies, I've been watching WAY too much television this past month. It's been a month since this little boy came out of my body and into my life, and since then I've been living in a small box in northern Virginia, not wearing a shirt (what's the point?), and watching TV. I would watch more movies, but I hate them, plus we lost the DVD remote somewhere.
Apparently Julia Louis-Dreyfus' dad is a French billionaire. Her brother used to be president of Adidas. The "Prime Time in the Daytime" programming on the TNT network is targeted at women losers. You can tell because all the commercials are for douche and night school. 'ER' is very poorly written after about the third season. If all TV could be as good as good TV, then I wouldn't feel so guilty about blowing out my brain on all this TV.
For all you people that think I should be paying attention to my baby instead of eating cookies and watching TV all day, I DO. He's only a month old, his attention span isn't conducive to Baby Einstein and flash cards, no matter what childrearing knowledge you may have gleaned from "Meet The Fockers". I'm making my baby fat and stupid on purpose, so he'll fit in.
When my mother-in-law came over tonight to hang out with the kid, I took the liberty of going to the store to replenish our unhealthy food collection. My husband has strict instructions to hide all the cookies after I go to bed, because if they're in sight, I'll eat them all. Nursing really takes it out of you, and it's so much easier to just grab a cookie than make yourself a salad. Although I suppose it would be just as easy (though less euphoric) to grab an apple.
Jesus, Killoggs, come on! You're so boring lately. I'm counting on you to relieve the doldrums of my domesticity, stuck in the house chained to the baby as I am, but you're letting me down. I crave laugh-out-loud links, mean-spirited political discourse, and of course much more sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Not the kind of rock and roll you have to live in New York City to know about, though.
This morning arond 4am when I was changing a diaper, my son shat in my face. That's what I get for getting too close. I didn't want to turn on the lights and wake up my husband, so I was changing him by the light of the TV, and as I was inspecting his little asshole for klingons, he made a funny squeaking sound, scrunched up his face, and let loose with a projectile shit right into mommy's face. And all I could do was laugh.
Killoggs, meet Lucas. He's 3 days old today. In the hospital he got his first pejorative nickname, "Lucas Mucus", because he's a snotty little baby.
Mommy is kind of traumatized, but in awe and thrilled. Daddy is smitten. Baby is alternately sleeping, pooping, or sucking.
When I get a little more time I will post in my journal about everything we went through. But for now, suffice it to say that the pain is worth it, and all that matters is that this beautiful new person is here, healthy, and happy. Gotta go - I'm leaking milk.
Yesterday my water broke, but I didn't go into labor. That is not to say that I'm not having contractions - they got more frequent and painful overnight, just not optimal enough to say I'm in "active" labor. This morning I'm going to the hospital to get medically intervened on, so it is certain that today is the day. They can't let me have broken water but no labor for more than 24 hours - the baby needs the water or he needs to come out. By the evening I expect to be holding my baby boy. A gruesome story is sure to follow once I'm home and recovered.
It's always odd when you gain a new holiday. All week, people have been asking me what I'm going to do for "my first Mother's Day". It's likely I'll do a good bit of nothing, as my husband is working all day (being the chef kinda takes holidays away) and my own mother is a few thousand miles away in Louisiana. I will probably contemplate the nature of motherhood and the nature of this creature in my womb, and hope that his nature is nothing like that of the boy on the news story this morning who got up and shot his mom in the head three times, ostensibly because he resented having to go and get her a card on this, the fakest of fake holidays, the annual celebration of mimosas and Hallmark, of lilies and eggs Benedict. Call your mom today. I haven't even seen my still-developing son yet and I'm already mad at him for not getting me roses.
I'm booking a flight online. I've found that airfare prices vary widely from site to site.
What are your preferred sites for online travel planning? Help me out, Killoggs, I hate getting ripped off.
4-5 boneless skinless chicken thighs
1 medium onion, diced
1/2 cup minced garlic
1/2 jar spaghetti sauce
1 can chopped tomatoes, drained
10 button mushrooms, sliced
1 can chicken broth
1/4 cup red wine
8oz water
Optional: thyme, oregano, parsley
1/2 box capellini or spaghetti
Bring the can of chicken broth to the boil with the water. Season chicken thighs with salt, black pepper, and Tony's. In a large saucepan, brown the chicken on both sides, about 5 minutes per side. Add the onions and cook over medium heat for 3-4 minutes. Add the garlic and mushrooms and cook an additional two minutes. Add the red wine and tomatoes. When this boils, add the spaghetti sauce. Roughly shred the chicken once it's cooked thoroughly, using a fork. Add the noodles to the boiling chicken broth and boil about 5-7 minutes, until soft. Drain the noodles and add them to the pan with the sauce and the chicken. Finish with fresh herbs and parmesan cheese, if desired. Serves 4.
StanistGirl23: my child will not have noisemaking toys or obnoxiously colored things
omgwtfs: i googled "baby supplies"
StanistGirl23: supplies
StanistGirl23: pleasant earth tones, and books
StanistGirl23: the most boring baby ever
omgwtfs: hahahaha
StanistGirl23: i'm fuckin serious about the noisemakers, though
StanistGirl23: fuck that shit
StanistGirl23: motherfuckers are loud enough without "my first orchestra"
omgwtfs: http://www.cottonbabies.com/
omgwtfs: hemp diapers
omgwtfs: awesome
StanistGirl23: cloth diapers are the scourge of motherhood
omgwtfs: what is so wrong with cloth diapers?????
StanistGirl23: i will have pampers. lots of pampers.
StanistGirl23: you have to wash them
StanistGirl23: that's what
StanistGirl23: and they leak.
omgwtfswede: what do you think they did before disposables?
StanistGirl23: that's what else.
omgwtfs: http://www.cottonbabies.com/product_info.php?cPath=60&products_id=328
omgwtfs: plz dont get one of those
StanistGirl23: well, i don't live in 1947. i use tampons, too ... do you want me to throw away my cell phone and my refrigerator and my car, and go back to the days of cloth diapers?? fuck that!!! i've earned the right to live well!!!!
omgwtfs: lol
omgwtfs: yeah but landfills
omgwtfs: your baby will generate acres of diapers
StanistGirl23: yeah, well, let some other pc granola mother worry about that
StanistGirl23: i'm not keeping a load of shit-filled cloths sitting around my house
StanistGirl23: i'll just get it a litter box, how abouthat?
omgwtfs: well you have to wash them katie not leave them around the house
omgwtfs: LOL
omgwtfs: i like that idea
omgwtfs: maybe a bird cage?
omgwtfs: just change the newspaper
StanistGirl23: right, so instead of just my laundry, joe's laundry, and all the dirty baby clothes, i'll also go ahead and wash upwards of ten shit-filled cloths every single day
StanistGirl23: yes, they go that much
StanistGirl23: and baby shit is NASTY
omgwtfs: there has to be a better way
StanistGirl23: also, what, do i get a scraper and scrape the poo into the toilet before i put things in the washing machine?
omgwtfs: what if you just threw out the cloth
omgwtfs: you could go get sheets from thrift stores
omgwtfs: and cut them up
StanistGirl23: you're forgetting leakage
omgwtfs: little one foot by one foot squares
omgwtfs: wrap it in tin foil?
omgwtfs: saran wrap?
StanistGirl23: i might as well just save myself the trouble and poo on all my clothes right now
StanistGirl23: diaper rash
omgwtfs: outside the cloth
StanistGirl23: i know, it would seal in all the moisture/humidity
omgwtfs: oh
omgwtfs: hmmm
omgwtfs: dammit
StanistGirl23: plus cloth diapers are stupid expensive
omgwtfs: what is your problem with washing diapers?
StanistGirl23: you want to come be my manny and wash my cloth diapers all day?
StanistGirl23: you're hired.
StanistGirl23: i'll pay you in food.
omgwtfs: http://www.dy-dee.com/
omgwtfs: they can come pick them up
omgwtfs: dont they have services like that?
StanistGirl23: yes
StanistGirl23: for a fee
omgwtfs: but the intarweb says its cheaper
omgwtfs: than buying disposables
StanistGirl23: the intarweb is full of lies
omgwtfs: couldnt joe have the linen service come by?
omgwtfs: drop off 10 napkins?
StanistGirl23: yeah they wouldn't mind
StanistGirl23: foodservice napkins
omgwtfs: he could just bring some home every night
StanistGirl23: which would go right back to cintas with the rest of the foodservice napkins
omgwtfs: yes
StanistGirl23: this is a fun conversation
omgwtfswede: or you could just throw them away
omgwtfswede: i know i'm crying i'm lol'ing so hard
omgwtfswede: i just have a mental pic of this really happy baby in a restaurant napkin with a giant safety pin peeing his pants lol
StanistGirl23: big smile on his face
omgwtfswede: oh yeah
omgwtfswede: even laughing a little
omgwtfswede: "A HA"
StanistGirl23: should get the red checkered kind
omgwtfswede: its not a bad idea
omgwtfswede: cintas wouldnt notice
StanistGirl23: no, it's a really great idea
omgwtfswede: i mean you would just throw the old ones away
omgwtfswede: get some new ones
omgwtfswede: "waste inventory"
StanistGirl23: haha
omgwtfswede: you just dont want to deal with the dirty napkin
StanistGirl23: you're goddamned right i don't
StanistGirl23: i want a year's supply of pampers and a diaper genie
StanistGirl23: i liked the mental image of wrapping the babys ass in saran wrap
omgwtfswede: lol
omgwtfswede: with a giant foodservice roll
StanistGirl23: yep
StanistGirl23: no other way
1 angus chuck roast or bottom round, approx. 3lbs.
2 medium onions, cut into large dice
2 yukon gold potatoes, large dice
1 large carrot, large dice
1 14-oz can beef broth
1 1/2 cups red wine (unsalted, please)
4 stalks fresh thyme, stemmed and sliced
1 large bay leaf
1/2 cup vegetable or olive oil
1/4 cup flour
Salt and pepper
Season the roast on both sides. Heat the oil in a cast-iron or large skillet until almost smoking. Brown the roast on all sides. Place the roast, vegetables, and herbs in a dutch oven or crock pot and cover with the beef broth. Drain the excess oil from the pan and, while still hot, add 1/2 cup of the wine to the pan. Add this liquid to the cooking pot. Cover the pot and bring just to the boil, then reduce the heat to a slow simmer. Cook until the roast is falling-apart tender, about 5 hours. Remove the roast to a platter and allow it to rest. Add the cooking liquid to a small saucepan and bring just to the boil, then reduce to a simmer. Whisk the flour into 1/2 cup of cold water, then add this to the liquid, thickening it to gravy consistency. Serve with white rice or buttered noodles.
Joe got a flat on the way home last night so I drove him to work this morning. I knew it was going to be pretty with all the snow all over everything so I took the camera. There weren't that many people out, but it seemed like everyone who WAS out had their cameras with them, too. There was an old man by the Potomac with a really old-timey camera, on a tripod, with that accordion-looking thing on it (anyone know what I'm talking about?) I bet his pictures are better than mine.
It was still really dreary and gray when I started out, around 10am:
People had their kids out building snowmen ... adorable
I schlepped over the the WWII memorial, which I haven't visited before. It has a great view of the Lincoln memorial, which is probably much nicer in the spring. Walking back to the car I noticed I had a good view of the president's house:
More in the responses: the Tidal basin, Potomac Park, the sun begins to come out, the Jefferson Memorial, and the sculpture garden (my favorite):
2 medium onions, diced
1 red bell pepper, seeded and diced
2 jalapeno chiles, seeded and diced
1 habanero chile, seeded and diced
1lb ground beef (Angus chuck is pretty nice)
1lb Angus stew beef, choice beef tips, or tenderloin tails (optional but wonderful)
1 beer of choice
2 cans red kidney beans or "chili beans"
1 can Ro-Tel tomatoes with peppers
Chili powder, cumin, cayenne pepper, and hot sauce to taste
Shredded cheddar cheese for serving, if desired
Marinate the beef tips in beer or red wine, balsamic or red wine vinegar, oil, and seasonings for 1-2 hours, if using. Cook the onions in a little oil, 4-5 minutes on medium heat, until translucent, and add the chiles. Stir an additional 2-3 minutes, then add the ground beef. Raise the heat to medium-high and cook 5-10 minutes, until the meat has browned completely. Add half a bottle of beer (drink the other half). Allow the liquid to cook out while you drain the beef tips, if using. Pat them dry, and add to the chili. Season with chili powder, cumin, and a touch of cayenne, remembering that the final product may be seasoned again, and the longer the chili cooks, the spicier it will become. Cook another ten minutes, until the surfaces of the beef tips have browned. Add the canned tomatoes and beans, stirring, and reduce the heat to low. Allow chili to simmer 20 minutes and re-season if necessary.
Serve with tortilla chips or saltines, smothered in cheddar cheese, if that is your preference.
Note: this recipe is not very good without the meat. Meat is precious.
4 chicken thighs, bone-in
30oz chicken broth
30oz water
1 large carrot, medium dice
2 medium onions, medium dice
3 celery stalks, medium dice
1 small turnip, quartered or tourneed
1 parsnip, peeled and medium dice
4 sprigs thyme
2 sprigs rosemary, roughly picked
1 sprig sage
1/2 cup dill, roughly chopped
2/3 cup parsley, roughly chopped
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup white wine
2 cups flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup butter, cold
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup chopped parsley
Remove most of the skin from the chicken, leaving a little fat for flavor, and season it with salt and black pepper. In a large wide pot, heat the oil and brown the chicken on both sides. Add the vegetables, season them with salt, and cook until the onions are translucent, about five minutes. Stir occasionally. Add the wine and cook until it has mostly evaporated, about three minutes. Add the broth and water, cover the pot, and bring to a rolling boil. Boil rapidly for three minutes, then reduce the heat to a simmer, and cook the soup, covered, until the chicken is cooked through, about half an hour. Remove any herb stems with a slotted spoon or tongs.
While the soup is cooking, mix the dumpling dough. In a large mixing bowl, combine the dry ingredients and fold in the butter, using a mixer or two knives. The butter should be the size of very small peas and distributed throughout the dry ingredients. Add the water and knead 8 to 10 times. If the dough seems too sticky, add a little more flour. Pinch off a dumpling-sized handful of dough and drop it into the soup - this is your tester dumpling. If it falls apart, add one egg white to the dough and try again. Once you're happy with the dumpling consistency, start adding dumplings to the soup. Poach them in the simmering broth for approximately five minutes, until they're cooked through. Turn off the heat and serve.
Why do I have the flu? I don't remember being around any sick people recently. I guess I was, though. I'm afraid to take OTC cold/flu medicine because of the baby, so I'm drinking tons of water, OJ, and gatorade; eating whatever I can manage (right now it's spicy black bean garden burgers); watching an all-day Roseanne marathon on Oxygen; and waiting for the Redskins game to start. Last night I took two Tylenol to bring down my fever, and it worked for a while, but I'm pretty sure the fever's back now. Fucking asshole flu virus. I forgot how it felt - I really haven't been sick in a couple of years.
Hey mommies, health professionals, and armchair diagnosticators: what do I do with my wonderful flu? Is it safe to take anything? Or do I just sleep it off?
On the Wednesday before Christmas, I found out I was pregnant. I had my suspicions, but they were confirmed on December 21. That night, Joe asked me to marry him. I accepted. Two days later, I flew to Birmingham, Alabama, to spend Christmas with my family. I told them of the engagement, but told only my mother about the baby. They're right proper Southern people, and most of their existence revolves around shielding my grandmother from potentially shocking or scandalous information. My wedding being a shotgun wedding definitely qualifies.
The family is excited for me, though they are somewhat perplexed by my plans to have the wedding here in DC, in February. My mother understands, of course, and I'm sure others have put two and two together, but the reasons remain unspoken. The wedding is going to be pretty small - about 50 people - and we're having the reception at the restaurant where Joe is the executive chef. Joe's family is positively ecstatic, his mother especially, who thought she would never have a grandchild bearing her name.
On Wednesday of this week I bought my wedding dress. It's beautiful. I hope it still fits me six weeks from now. On Thursday, Joe and I went to the Arlington County Courthouse and were married by a justice of the peace with no rings, witnesses, or photos. We did this for insurance purposes. When repeating my vows to him, I misspoke and said that I took him "for Betty or for worse". It was pretty funny.
The reception is planned, but I'm still looking for a church. I like the Episcopal church, and I'm looking for a church because I don't really want to have the ceremony at the restaurant where I used to work, and where Joe still works. It would be weird. So I've been church-shopping for a couple of days now, and apparently if you're not a member of the parish in question, they require a hefty sum.
I have to choose a doctor by Monday, and make an appointment as soon as possible, since by my estimation I am going on eight weeks. Also I need to pick up literature about pregnancy and child rearing. I need to find a realtor and apply for an FHA loan. I need to get my transcript from LSU and enroll in George Mason for the summer semester. There are countless other things I need to do, but for just this small moment, I am going to do nothing. I'm going to sit back and reflect on the situation and rejoice a little bit.
I was getting ready for work and there was a knock on my door. No one ever comes over so I was kind of freaked out. Plus, I had just woken up. I looked out the peephole and there stood these two well-dressed, clean-cut girls. I didn't know what to do, so like a stupid asshole, I opened the door. The blonde one said, "Are you Katie?" I said that I was, again like a stupid asshole. They introduced themselves as Sister Sara and Sister Elizabeth. I didn't think they looked much like nuns, and then I noticed that Sister Elizabeth was holding a Book of Mormon in her hand. I knew I'd fucked up, immediately, but I was curious as to why they knew my name. Sister Sara said, "We've tried to call you a few times, but it's always busy." So they know my phone number, too?? And my address??? Sister Sara proceeded to tell me that "headquarters" had told them I was interested in learning more about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and asked if they come in and tell me more about the Book of Mormon. I told them I was just about to leave for work, and then they asked if they could come back some other time. They were so sweet looking, I found myself unable to lie to their faces and tell them that there was no good time for them to ever come back to my house and convert me to their bizarre bigamist religion. For the life of me, all I could do was give them a fake phone number when they asked to verify my contact info, and tell them they could come back on Thursday (when I knew I wasn't going to be home).
I want to know why the Mormons have sent their ninja sisters to terrorize me. I want to know why they know where I live and why they think I want to join their religion. Seriously, the Jehovah's Witnesses usually don't know your name and phone number, they just randomly go door to door. Can I be placed on the Mormon do-not-convert list?? If they come back and I'm here, I'm going to make sure that all the pot pipes, porno, and liquor are in plain view, that I haven't taken out the garbage in a few days, and seriously freak them out with some hardcore blasphemin'.
