I feel that it is safe to say that I have finally kind of settled in to this place.
At times, when I first got here, I wondered if that was ever going to happen.
My mind was racing constantly, I asked myself over and over again "Did I make the right choice? What if this was a horrible decision??"
It was all so rough at first. The not knowing where we were going to live, the not having jobs, the break up, the not being a WE anymore, the still not knowing where I was going to live, not feeling like I really had any real friends here....WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST DO?

Now I can say "You made a really fucking smart choice, that's what."

-I got a job. It was very random. A vague ad on Craigslist, but I called it anyway and within a few hours the lady called me back. I was hired the next week, I've officially been there for 2 months since last Friday. It's not the most fun filled stuff in the world but I get off pretty early, it gives me plenty of time to play on the Web (they've blocked Myspace AND Killoggs though, Killoggs simply for being "EXTREME"), and it pays the bills.

-I found a place to live. A vague ad on Craigslist yet again would determine my fate. Only a few lines but I was drawn to it anyway because it was located right down the street from my cousin (who I was staying with) so it was easy to check out and I liked the idea of being so close to family. As soon as I walked in to the place and met my future roomate it was love. I just felt this instant spark, there was not a doubt in my mind- this was where I was supposed to be. So now I live in the Western Addition/Alamo Sq. area (not really sure what best defines it) in an adorable, cozy apartment. A big fat red haired cat that sleeps with me every night, and an awesome, spazzy red haired lass named Kat has become excellent roomate (and a fast friend).

-I've made some awesome friends. My roomate is amazing and I haven't met someone that I've clicked with this much in a LONG TIME. She's one of those people that makes me go "Where have you been all my life?" She has introduced me to some great people and I've also met some really awesome people in various other ways that make for excellent company.

Most of all, I'm just tragically in love with this city. It's such an intense feeling, I can't even describe it. I am so happy to be HERE and be living my life HERE and though I knew it was something I always wanted, I finally feel like it's reaching the expectations I'd fantasized about for so long. Even when I get bored at my job or shit brings me down, I am totally comforted in the fact that I am in an amazing place.

I feel like I've changed a whole lot in 3 months. It's weird but there are parts of me I'm tapping in to that I thought had died or didn't exist anymore. You know in Drop Dead Fred how Phoebe Cates kind of finds herself at the end and starts living her life for HER and not other people and not Fred, well that's kind of how I feel right now. I feel like I squashed my Fred.

Find me and take my hand in marriage. NOW.

It's 3:34 am
and my cousin's neighbors downstairs are BLASTING
the motherfucking VENGA BUS
God this city is GAY
that's why i love it
well, one reason

so i bought a computer tonight. what's up now FUCKS!??

yeah..

a mac g4 tower.

poop your pants over it, i know you want to.

i could have made out with a hapa tonight but i didn't give him any face

so instead i just got spun around by a guy named ravi

who thought i was from the netherlands

when i really said "maryland"

and other funny tales!

So I dated this guy Kevin for two years. And you know, we had ups and downs but he did this thing that I loved SO much and cracked me up and never ever got old.

I'd tap the back of his head once and he'd say "bingoo"

and then I'd tap it again and he'd say "bongoo"

and then I'd tap it a third time and he'd say "poor".

And it was just this thing that we did, this inside joke. And if I tapped his head really hard he'd say "BINGOO!" and if I tapped it softly he'd whisper "bongoo" and man...You know, sometimes I really really miss that. Isn't that the stupidest shit ever??

Sometimes I wish I could just rewind time and do that once, just to get it out of my system. Sometimes I wish I could do it on someone else and they'd know what I was talking about.

I've been having all kinds of crazy experiences lately.

Last night I was on the bus coming back from watching the fire works on Bernal Hill. About a block up the road the bus stopped moving and we were sitting there for over a half an hour. These hipster kids were like "hey people! want any cupcakes??" and they had all these cupcakes with red, white and blue frosting. And then this old lady was like "HEY! want any booze??" and she pulled out a bottle of some kind of liquor from out of her purse. And everyone was like "nehhh" but then all these people got on the bus with beer, and then this other kid started rolling a blunt. On the bus! And the bus driver was like "Whatevs..." and I was thinking to myself "how is this even happening right now??"

And on my way to my friend's BBQ I asked some weird old hippie for directions and as he passed me he said "Isn't it wonderful to be young and in San Francisco?" and then he proceeded to follow me to my destination (while getting me even more turned around in the process). He told me about his 60 year old girlfriend Harmony and asked me to call him by three of his names. He called me a mercurial lunar goddess sent to him from the Heavens. He bordered between annoying, slightly creepy and helpful. It was hard to decide which.

Someone told me that the roses on my tattoo looked like "mummy lollipops" and that is by far the best description I've ever heard. Have you ever just wanted to marry someone based on one thing they say? Well, it's probably not a good idea ever but my eyes got all starry when this person said mummy lollipops.

-I finally got a job. I am a switchboard operator.



-I really love it here but I need a place to live now. I am currently taking up space on my cousin's couch.

-After two years I am single again. Feels weird and while there is sadness for the most part I feel really calm, relieved and exhilerated. I have forgotten what it's like to not have to answer to anyone and I've really missed it.

-I have the mother of all painful, scabby zits on the base of my nostril.

Twos left on the east coast guys!!

It's a little nerve wrecking but mostly I'm psyched.

I want to do something with friends before I go away but I have no idea what.

Anybody have any ideas?

Oh man

I'm either tipsy or drunk

i don't know which

i haven't been DRUnk in DRUNK YEARS!!

Sike, it's been more like months.

But still.....

Thats what happens when you run 3 miles and then drink half a bottle of wine.

It goes to your head.

And makes you feel feleepy and feloo[y

whats that mean? i don't know. why don't you look it up on dictionary.com

i wish i were at a club dancing to ludacrish or ying yang twins

not on the internet

chris just made me a veggie burger

its the least he could do

i heard the new kellly clarkson song on the radio tonight

and you know what?

i was soooooo into it

i don't know if it was my mood or her asss ripping pipes but that girl can belt you like an abusive parent

with her voice

and the song

oh m an

i need to eat now

What San-X Character Are You?


Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.


Do you ever have really silly, irrational fears that seemingly come out of nowhere? Like, "What if my butthole falls out??" or "What if my butthole falls out WHILE I'M AT WORK!??" Sometimes I think about stuff like that and how awful it would be if that happened.

Last night I went to the mall for the first time in a long time. Not like this needs to be said but malls are weird. I used to practically live at the mall when I was younger, I enjoyed going there every weekend with my best friend at the time, Nancy. We liked to weird people out, sit on various benches all day, asking people for the time even though we didn't need to know. It was just funny to observe how different people reacted. I think out friendship was based on a passion for people watching and being creepy together.

Interesting things of note:
-I like how the employees at Hot Topic have this cooler than thou vibe even though they work at Hot Topic. Also, it seems as though they barely sell actual clothes anymore, it's all dumb Spencer's-esque tchotkes and novelty t-shirts. But I did buy a pair of leggings for $6. What Hot Topic lacks in ambience it makes up for in cheap hosiery.

-I passed by a store called Club Libby Lu, which should really just be called "Jon Benets' R US". They specialize in birthday party make-overs and such, and I guess I passed by at the right time because there was a gaggle of tiny girls, with loads of lipstick and sparkles and eyeshadow on, wearing shiny silver jumpsuits and tiaras while line dancing to some obnoxious song. It was slightly reminiscent of that Sparkle Motion scene in Donnie Darko.

-I went in to the pet store and melted in to a big puddle of goo before the cages of puppies. PUPPIEES!! I wanted to set them all free and buy a house in the country with lots of land for them to frolic on. It'd just be me and the puppies. And also the cute bunny rabbits and maybe a couple of the guinea pigs. But not any of the fish, you can't cuddle with fish.

-I bought a skirt that actually falls ABOVE THE KNEE!! I've broken free from the convent everyone, I'm a new woman.

The mall is weird. But I think I mentioned that already.

Tonight is the night!!! I will be "sleeping" at the airport this evening and taking a 6am flight outta this beat town. Yesterday I bought a vibrant green suitcase- it brings out my eyes.

Today at the grocery store, my cashier disgusted me so feverishly that I silently hoped to myself she would SHUT THE FUCK UP so I could leave as quickely as possible without bludgeoning her before she was finished.

She was an oozing mound of ignorance, a steaming pile of idiot.

To the guy in front of me about sauerkraut (because he asked where it was):

"Whyyyyy do you want that?? We don't eat that here!! That's jewish!!! That's jewish! We use ketchup and mustard on our hot dogs here. I'm sorry but that is GROSS!!"

Dude: "It's pretty good...It's like a relish..."

Annoying cashier: "I mean, people like what they like I guess...but I'll never understand. That's jewish anyway..." (WTF!?? a million times about this WRONG comment on so many levels)

Then, because I can't stand listening to this another second without screaming, chime in and defend this stranger's desire for sauerkraut. She looks perplexed and outnumbered. I also proceed to give her a brief lesson on the regional origins of sauerkraut.

Finally it's my turn to be rung up. She rings up my vegetarian sausage and scowls.

"What's this?? Is this fake-meat?? It's green! Is it supposed to be green??"

"It looks fine", I say coldly.

"Are you sure??" she asks. "So are you vegetarian??"

"No, but I don't really eat much meat."

"You know, my brother tried to get me to eat that way once and I've never been more constipated in my life!!"

WHO THE FUCK TALKS TO STRANGERS ABOUT BEING CONSTIPATED?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD?? WHEN DID GOING IN TO BUY A FEW GROCERIES GET TO BE THIS AGITATING AND ANNOYING!!??? OH MY GODDDDD!!!!!

And people want to know why I don't like talking to anyone. Chrizzist.

Now I am going to go and make red velvet cupcakes and drink them with a cold glass of soymilk and maybe I'll be constipated all night.

I think that if I got serious about making music I would be one of those perfectionists that was never, ever satisfied with the finished product. Last night I did another cover and I kept re-doing things OVER and OVER. Not because it didn't sound good but because I was hoping that the next time would be even greater than before.

I really, really love singing and fucking around on the 4 track. I think I should do that more and waste time on the internet less. That's my new goal.

Anytime I hear or see the last name Nye anywhere I can ONLY think about Bill Nye The Science Guy:



That was such an amazing show. They just don't make 'em like that anymore. That was pretty much how I learned everything (the very little) that I know about science stuffs. In the 9th grade my science teacher kind of hated teaching so she'd just put on Bill Nye and let him do it for her. Best educational experience I ever got.

I've come to a few conclusions about some things:



The Wicker Man is one of the best movies ever made and the re-make is going to suck, I don't care what anyone else says. My feel queasy just thinking about it. Why don't they go and remake Harold and Maude and cast Ashton Kutcher as Harold and Betty White as Maude. Seriously. Just do it, make my day.



Edamame is the funnest, tastiest and cutest snack. It's good in everything. Your dish is lacking? Put some edamame up in that shit!! You won't be sorry.



Sea Monkeys were by far the most dissapointing toy EVER. What a way to get a child's hopes up, you know? I went through so many Sea Monkeys hoping that I had just been getting some duds. This time, THIS TIME they were going to look like weird little swimming alien people, just like on the box. And they never, ever did. I'd see floating bug thingies in my "zoo" and go "what the eff are these things?? WHERE ARE MY LITTLE ALIEN PEOPLE!!??"

How many pets have you had your entire life?

I had two hermit crabs, a grumpy dog named Muffin, a cat that visited me but I couldn't keep named "Meechie 1", and two fat, pukey cats named Meechie 2 and Clawdia.

My ornery uterus kept me up last night, did yours??

THIS WEATHER RULESSSSSSS!!!!

I feel high on life today!

Also, it has inspired me to make a springtime-summer mix cd.

If anyone is interested in obtaining this mix feel free to K-mail me or email me or shemale me or whatever.

I didn't know my paternal grandfather very well. I knew lots of interesting, much too personal facts about him. I know he died in a horrible car accident when I was 7. Apparently he was intelligent but terribly arrogant.

My only memory of him is this one:

I was in San Francisco, sitting at my aunt's table, with a Happy Meal spread before me. Ever the selfish cancerian food hoarder, I was happily engulfed in my meal and not planning to share. My grandfather, who looked like some kind of Incan chief in my 6 year old eyes, sat down across from me and asked me for a french fry. "Can I have one?" he said.

"NO! It's my Happy Meal!" I exclaimed.

He then pointed to something behind me and said "Whoa! Look over there!" and I turned around and when I turned back ALL my french fries were gone. In the span of what couldn't have been more than 5 seconds he ate ALL my fries. I was so confused from this that I stared blankly at the paper McDonald's wrapper wondering where my fries could have possibly gone.

And that's it. That's the only memory I have of him. It's funny what the brain retains.

And I don't know what made me think of it, but I did. That whole scene flashed before my eyes a couple of minutes ago, and I just had to write it down.

It sounds like a negative memory but it wasn't. I think back to it and it makes me happy. For the record, that is probably the only time I'll ever think back fondly about someone eating my food.

I'm not really one for writing about my dreams on here but this one was too random to NOT make a note of:

It was all about Evan Dando being married to this Peruvian Amazonian lady who was like 3 feet taller than he was. At some point she dies and while reading her obituary I find out that her and I are related and she's a distant cousin. Then I get all excited and find Evan Dando to let him know I was related to his wife. He is all depressed and starts showing me old films of their wedding and photo albums with his kids. Then he offers me shark juice (WTF??) and he explains that it is a delicacy that he and his wife used to drink and we sit around and drink shark juice together.

Fucking weird.

FLEEK!

That is substitution I heard a young thug girl say instead of "fuck" at a beauty supply store once. "WHAT THE FLEEK??!" I actually prefer it to the real word now. Thank you young thug girl, thank you for more fodder to fill my ever dwindling vocabulary.

I'm "FLEEKING!" because I have to wait almost a month to get my hair done by my favorite hairdresser. I mean, I really like her and she does a great job, but is it really worth waiting nearly a month for?? My hair is triflin' for reals. It needs some emergency help. By the time March 2nd rolls around I can only imagine the state it's going to be in. I do not trust myself with scissors (at least coming near any of my hair). I don't have a good eye for symmetry or precision. If you say "Hey Carla, is this picture on the wall crooked?" I'd be all "Uhh...looks okay to me..." (and it could be totally crooked but I wouldn't be able to tell).

Sometimes I feel like Dudley Heinsbergen from Royal Tenenbaums.....only not quite to that extreme.

I think when I move to SF I am going to start biking. First I must get over my fear of being struck by a car and flying through the air to my death. A helmet would probably help but then I wouldt first need to get over my aversion towards helmet hair. We'll see jhow it goes once I get there.

Are you guys ready for my last horrible food joke as illustrated with paint?



I'm going to make a 'zine of these people.