I fucked up in a pretty big way Monday night that severely delayed the classified section getting to the press on Tuesday. It was a stupid mistake that could have been easily prevented, had I just checked what I was about to do with someone else. Everything was going very smoothly Tuesday morning until someone inquired about a missing full page of ads. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! That's what I fucking deleted! It wasn't an overbooking in the research section -- it was something altogether different! And I knew something was funny about it, so why didn't I just check with Leslie? IDIOT, IDIOT, IDIOT! Needless to say, I was pretty embarrassed. And though I was able to go back and fix my mistake in a relatively short amount of time, we were still much later going to press than usual. We have Wednesdays off, but I dreaded hearing the talk I would most likely have with my boss on Thursday. But by 5pm Thursday, my boss hadn't said a word to me, so I left work relieved.
I felt good walking to work yesterday morning, and I had plenty of spring in my step. But as soon as I set my coffee on my desk, I heard it. "Can I have a word with you?"
I think that fuck-up was just the icing on the cake, though. I think the bigger reason I was probably fired is that the other classified guy was picking up my slack way too often, and if he was ever taking time off on a very busy day, I would be very overwhelmed. I just can't stay focused on what I'm doing, and it's not just at work. It scares me. A few people have recommended accupuncture to treat this problem -- I guess I'll try it. All the coffee in the world couldn't save me. Any time I see the words "really crank it out" in a job listing, I'm immediately skipping over it. I'm trying to be positive about it. Graphic designers for alt weeklies are notoriously underpaid, and I know that if I get just standard pay for what I do, I'll be making about $15,000 on top of what I was making before, so that's something I can look forward to. But job opportunities in Baltimore, for most professionals, are perpetually scarce, and I don't look forward to commuting to DC five days a week, if it comes to that. And then there's the competence issue. How will I convince employers that I'm a great person for the job if I can't even convince myself? If I'm lucky enough to find a job that allows me to do really thoughtful design and go at my own speed, then I'll probably enjoy the work. All I can do is look and hope.
brandon [email] said at 11:53 AM 03-29-2008: Sounds like you were overworked and underpaid. I hope you quickly bounce into something more rewarding. There are far worse places to be than D.C. or Baltimore.
john [email] said at 12:02 PM 03-29-2008: Sorry to hear about this. Although losing a job sucks, jobless times in my life have always been productive. You get to recharge yourself in a way that you can't do while holding a job. Make the best of it. Your full time job now becomes looking for a job, which is frustrating and hopeless at times but you can make the best of it. Search and send out resumes in the AM, schedule interviews, then hit the streets and enjoy your day at a much earlier time than you could if you were employed. Learn a new skill or program, visit museums, coffee shops, read, see friends, etc. and catch up on sleep. I'd probably be pretty distraught if I were to be fired today but at the same time I'd be extremely relieved of all of the stress and pressure that has been my job. Only problem is that the money eventually runs out. Good luck man.
brad [email] said at 12:35 PM 03-29-2008: Totally. I'm worried, but not beaten down. I was up and ready to go by 8:30 this Saturday morning. I just finished a workout, and I feel great. I have a list of ways I'd like to spend my time creatively in the interim. Next week, I'm taking a little trip to New York. I've already applied for unemployment. I'm not slowing down at all.
anthony [email] said at 12:22 PM 03-29-2008: Are you hell bent on being a graphic designer? While some jobs aren't as interesting as others, there are those who's only real perk is the stability associated with them. You live in an area that is prime for finding a government job, and while the process of obtaining one and even having one is far from amazing, you might just find it could be the one thing that allows you to settle in somewhere and call it good.
brad [email] said at 12:39 PM 03-29-2008: I've thought about a career change. I just wonder how my current skill set would be transferable to a new line of work. But yeah, that stability would be nice. I'm too old to be making just enough to live comfortably. I need to start saving for the future if I expect to have any sort of future.
julie [email] said at 1:08 PM 03-29-2008: You wouldn't necessarily have to change careers, you could still do graphic design as a government contractor. I swallowed my pride (? better judgment?) and worked for The Man for 3 years. I have to say, I made more money than I've ever made in my life, and I didn't feel stressed a single day that I was there. And now I have a fat 401k. In fact, maybe I should go back there... it wasn't THAT bad, was it?
Good luck with the job search. I recommend avoiding non-profits like the plague they secretly are.
brandon [email] said at 3:22 PM 03-29-2008: KSA and abiliites, brother, sounds like you've got them in spades.
After Katrina, I went throught the assessment process for a bunch of jobs at the Goudchaux center. It's a bitch, but the pay-offs are huge. Federal jobs have plush benefits, and the pay is amazing for what you do.
http://www.usajobs.gov/ is a good place to start
Most of the agencies maintain their own sites like thus and so:
http://www.fbijobs.gov/
You're a smart guy, with a lot of experience, good skills, you can find something with the feds, or hell, try Maryland.
But you know, in the end. The Hulkster's going to get back up. Yank off the tutu and teach George Jefferson a thing or two about race relations and gender stereotypes.
Just like the Hulkster, some angry German-sounding men have knocked you down, perhaps an oriental type has humiliated you with pansy kicks to your face. But your time is now. The police have been alerted. You are graceful. You are a bird. Do it for the children.
brianbibbly [email] said at 12:47 PM 03-29-2008: Brad, that sucks. I feel ya though. I had a moment last week when I thought my nuts were going to be on a skewer. I mean real serious legal malpractice. Luckily I was able to slither myself out of it and get the ship righted on the case. Regardless, the feeling that you are incompetent is disabling. I almost vomited. My point is that it can happen to anyone, and does. The trick isn't the falling down, but the getting back up. Good luck my man.
milky [email] said at 1:11 PM 03-29-2008: brad, I feel ya. Been too ashamed to admit I got canned on the 12th, similar situation dynamics. Ain't no prospects either. So far, lost 20 PBS in the ensuing depression. I'm trying to hang in there and I know you're tougher than me. Holla if you need to talk.
andrew [email] said at 5:14 PM 03-29-2008: actionscript is fun to work with. it's getting easier to learn with each version, in demand and usually pays well. it's gotten me back into design.
- these days if you haven't gotten fired you haven't risked enough.
andrew [email] said at 9:54 PM 03-29-2008: but on the other hand it is kind of like keeping up with the jones. everybody and their brother is turning away from print media towards after effects and flash and whatever else is the next big thing, possibly air. it's more useful probably to figure out what approach you want to take before attacking the market. it's hard to keep working jobs that anybody can do when your in your 30s, much better to have a unique gameplan. also it's never a bad idea to take on a highly-viewed design piece for a non-profit or govt agency if a ton of people are going to see it and it sends out a good message. that usually leads to more work.
carla [email] said at 10:20 AM 03-31-2008: Brad I'm sorry to hear about this.
If you're looking to do some temp work let me know! I work for a DC staffing agency but they might be able to locate you some positions closer to Bmore. Also, There is a division that specialize in graphic design, so you just let me know if you want me to pass on your resume for you and put in a good word!
brad [email] said at 3:35 PM 03-31-2008: OK. I'm just looking for full-time work now, but depending on how the search goes, I might want to do that. Thanks.
