After I had left David Goldberg's house to go home, one of my old clients called me, horribly drunk and was like, "It's on & poppin, joe! I'm 'bout ta come to da studio in a minute! Tonight my kid is with the woman, so I'm 'bout to go to da club"
At that point, I attempt to sever the phone conversation, but he goes, "AY YO, joe! where you at? Meet we at da strip club! It's da joint!"
I didn't want to go cause I hear those things can be gross and a huge money pit, but my client Leo goes, "I'll pay for your shit! Meet me there!"
I already knew where the place was.
I wanted to go there when I heard that a co-worker at my child-care employer danced there with her mom. But I never got around to it.
I get there and he's outside, bouncing up and down like half crackhead, half kid-in-a-candy store. "Come on, we gotta go!"
He pays for my shit and I sit down and attempt to take the whole thing in. It was dark and mostly lit by blacklight. The girls were crazily hot, no, like... seriously blazing. I guess this is the place to work when you're a stripper. But the focus of the place wasn't stage acts, it was totally all about lapdances.
"JOEEEEEE!!!!" I hear from the corner of the room. Leo is getting a dance from someone while screaming, "GET CHA-ASS OVER HERE MAN! YOU NEED TO GET A DANCE!" and he hands me $30 (the fee for a topless full-grind dance) and sends me off.
As I watched the girls on the stage, about ten girls had come and gone off of my lap, chatting me up and telling me all about the place, offering dances. One girl was quite charismatic, and convinced me it was a must that I get a dance from her. She wasn't super hot, but totally cute and it was amazing how well she went from talking to me about music to finding my penis through my pants and working it to oblivion. It was better than I thought it would be, with my hands everywhere except nips and lips. I couldn't help laugh when Leo came up behind and started freaking my girl. "YEAHHHH JOE- THAT'S DAT SHIT!" After the laughter had subsided, she grabs my neck with her pussy on my lap and whispers, "Can keep going?" I agreed and there went another $30.
I watched the girls for another half hour, but I rolled out before I could spend any more money. I definitely had fun, but mostly cause of how silly Leo was.
brandon [email] said at 3:36 PM 07-16-2007: I feel compelled to respond. But I don't really know what else to say, other than, man, I could use a lap dance.
josh [email] said at 3:38 PM 07-16-2007: is this that place thats in the weird warehouse park in beltsville?!?! i'm amazed that the girls would be hot. it's in a warehouse/office park!
jad [email] said at 4:01 PM 07-16-2007: shiet I get lap dances for free mang - you have to learn a few things
1. Learn a foreign language or two...
2. Learn an instrument - or dj
3. Always, always smile
4. Stay in shape.
5. learn to dance
ok, so technically I dont get lap dances, BUT, you can dance and grind nasty just the same on the dance floor with some hot chicas, but you have to be able to keep up. It doesn't mean you always get the girl's number or get laid, but it's better than paying 60$ for a tease. It's worth it if you're not the one paying I guess.
jake [email] said at 5:08 PM 07-16-2007: The frank nature of the purchased lap-dance has its own perverse potency. I'm not a fan of it, but I acknowledge it.
joe [email] said at 6:56 PM 07-16-2007: I think grinding on the dance floor is a little different than strippers nibbling on your dick through your pants (which I hear they do south of here).
jad [email] said at 8:19 PM 07-16-2007: First of all - not to be cocky (no pun) , but nibble and dick just sounds ... um unfortunate ... is it really worth $60 for purple balls? I think you haven't ground the right way - things can get very freaky really fast on the dance floor, it's a precursor to all that fine fun... no stripper will go home with you, give you her number, get freaky in a cab or pull you into a dark space outside and ... so my point is - strip clubs are like hunting deer that were fed ketamine... at a strip club there is no chase - that's lame - a real turn off.
IMHO money is better spent going out and dancing rather than on strippers.
jake [email] said at 8:26 PM 07-16-2007: You seem to be arguing the merits of free hotdogs at the ballpark when your boss is buying to free sausage at your neighbor's barbecue. No matter what you want to say about it, Joe wasn't invited to a barbecue, he was invited to a ballpark.
jad [email] said at 11:42 AM 07-17-2007: Sorry, I don't consider women at the strip club prime meat. I'll use your bbq terms so you can understand - going to a strip club is like seeing sausage getting grilled, smelling it, but not getting to taste it or if you do, you get to eat the bun. If you try to get the sausage you get your hand burned by the f'ckin bouncers.
Going to a dance club on the other hand, you can often grill the sausage yourself, slow grill it... marinade it if you want, and eat it up then and there or later.
josh [email] said at 12:02 PM 07-17-2007: im pretty sure the place joe went you could eat the sausage any way you like... this place is like, away from all civilization and it's members only. its literally in the middle of an industrial part of town where there is NOTHING open or anyone around at night but this place. SO SKETCHY.
jad [email] said at 12:17 PM 07-17-2007: Oh I guess my reference for strip clubs is skewed after having Dj'd at some in NYC. Hmm.. I see I should be thinking Baton Rouge style ho den, ass cheek injection style.
joe [email] said at 6:18 PM 07-17-2007: ...not as sketchy as BYOB strip joints in PG County that are attached to a liquor store. also, not as sketchy as PG County, period. Except Riverdale.
abby [email] said at 3:55 PM 07-17-2007: there isnt a soul on killoggs that i want touching me in any way that any of you aging garbage cans would define as "freaky," for which im sure youre very thankful.
jad [email] said at 2:39 PM 07-17-2007: Hey I have an idea: lets have the next NYC killogs/br reunion AT a strip club - while we're there lets have ketamine fed deer sausage, franks, kielbasa and franks BBQ and Cristal. We can get freaky like dat.
jad [email] said at 1:10 AM 07-18-2007: By the way - heres what I meant by "ass cheek injection" -
Verse Four: RZA
Suicidal, she been in more hotels than bibles
Idle worshippin bitch wasn't the type to make bridle
Sprung, on how the bitch maneuvered her tongue
From the top of his dick, to the bottom of his ass split
I told the God to jet quick this wicked bitch was a harlot
but had him trapped up inside the Charlotte Web
She wasn't choosy fucked for movie and a loose leaf
cigarette, pussy stay wet and juicy like lemons
Big ass in tight denim
Had the most faithful niggaz sinnin against their women
and enjoyed, to watch relationships get destroyed
This unemployed welfare bitch was non-void
and shameless, her attitude was blameless
Even though she had a hundred dicks on her namelist
Her obsession, caused niggaz to get, the ass cheek injection
The bitched lied, said she had urinary tract infection
I tried to warn em, and bomb em, but she conned em
Wanted niggaz to fuck her raw dog without no condom
