so yesterday i am walking from my car to my apartment and i reach into my pocket to grab my phone to call abby so we can meet to go to this art show... and there is this thin dude in a tank top who says something to me. i pause and look over.

"hey can i use your phone to call my mom?"

i reply that i actually am using it so no. i keep walking. the dude walks with me. he asks why i have my keys in my hand. i shrug, he asks me something else and im like "do you need something?" he asks why i'm talking so weird. i say i have no idea what he's talking about. abby is on the phone with me during most of this, btw.

"do you live around here?" he asks. now i'm not sure if this is some kind of gay hookup request, or what. i tell him that i do, and i'm in a hurry. seeya.

of course he follows me across the street.

i'm walking into my building and he says "hey hold the door!" i dont, but he's behind me so he is coming in the door behind me. i turn and block him.

"you don't live here dude, you aren't coming in here."

"no, my grandmother lives here!"

at this point he reaches in his pocket and pulls out a cell phone! he puts it up to his phone and acts like he is talking into it. i'm still blocking the doorway.

"no grandmothers live here dude"

"no, she does"

"what apartment number"

the guy sort of breaks into a smirk, and it's obvious - even more obvious, rather - that he is lying. "uhhh she lives on the second floor"

"that's not an apartment #, dude, she doesn't live here."

"no, im serious"

"listen, you don't live here, and there is no grandmother, and i'm not letting you in the building, so just go"

at this point he tries to act "scary".

"dont talk to me like that! ill punch you." i dont look too impressed, i guess because he says "what, you don't think i'll punch you?"

i reply "sure, you'll punch me and ill punch you right back" i outweigh this guy by like 20 pounds at least so i'm not super worried... of course i dont want to get punched.

he tries to push past me again and i body check him a bit. we're still in the doorway. at this point he takes a different tack.

"yo i saw where you parked, im gonna go do some shit to your car, put something in your gas tank... you think i wont?!"

i tell the dude that im sure he would but he's not coming in, so he should just go. he tries to push in AGAIN, so i put both my hands on his chest and shove him out of the building. i thought about following him out, but i decided it definitely wasnt worth it so i just let the door close on him while he was regaining his balance, and that was that.

my neighbor says if i see him again, to tell him and he'll get his "goon squad" to "take care of him.