My cat Hedwig is generally kind of a sensitive animal. She takes a while to get to know new people and is pretty much a princess in regards to people she does know. I wasn't really that surprised when she started behaving differently when Jeremy and I broke up. She acted out a bit when Nick and I broke up also. She hates when things move around and things have definitely moved around a lot and there has been a lot of emotional upheaval in the house also. I figured she would bounce back after Jeremy moved out and things settled down.
This weekend, however, I was home a lot and thus was in a position to realize that Hedwig never ever left the middle of the couch. She sits around looking a lot like this:
She doesn't eat anything and doesn't groom herself. I realized that Jake had probably been eating her food as well as his when she stopped and so who knows how long I had just been filling two bowls thinking she was getting her share. I tried to get her to eat some treats and things on Monday and she at a little if I fed them to her directly from my fingers, but in a very apathetic way. I can feel her spine all the way down her back when I pet her. So today I decided to take her to the vet.
I couldn't get a hold of anyone with a car and Hedwig hates the bus. I debated for a while, checking out the maps, and decided that since one of the carriers has backpack straps, I would throw her on my back and rollerblade to the vet. I could take back roads it would be a lot smoother, I could take bike paths and go through the park and I could stop and check on her whenever I wanted and not have to worry about how long I was going to wait for the bus with her in the sun. It would probably save me about twenty minutes also and the less lengthy a trip to the vet, the better. I brought my bus pass with me in case I decided along the way that this was the stupidest idea I had ever had.
It actually went fairly smoothly. She didn't fight at all getting into the carrier, in fact she was practically limp. She started crying when I got into the park and I stopped on the other side and she had caught her claw on the inside of the carrier. I fixed that and we were on our way. Changed into flip flops outside the vet and brought her in.
He asked what was going on, I told him. He was like, "Is she vomiting? Loose bowls?" I said, "She's not doing ANYthing. She just sits there on the couch with her eyes open. She's not even sleeping." He poked around at her, took her temperature, all the normal stuff and said that he couldn't find anything wrong with her except that she seemed a little too pale and he didn't know why. He suggested either leaving her overnight or leaving a blood sample. I opted for the blood sample because I didn't know when I would be able to get her back if I left her.
Ever seen a kitty tourniquet before? They're pretty weird. Hedwig did not like her arm constricted. At least I know she's not into intravenous drugs. He asked me to tilt her head a certain way as I was holding her and put the needle in.
And that's when my sweet little Hedwig bit the ever lovin' bloody fuck out of my hand.
She didn't just bite once either, she was chomping. I was all "Ow. Ow. OW!" until the vet did something and got her head detached. He seemed very unconcerned. And it took a long time for us to fill up the syringe. I guess her blood was a little watery.
So now there's blood everywhere. Blood on my wife-beater, blood all over my hand, blood on Hedwig's white flank and most probably blood in her mouth as well. The vet kind of glanced at me and said, "Did she get ya? Here, you can clean it up." and handed me the tiniest cotton ball with some of what I assume was disinfectant on it. I dabbed at my hand but it was really just bleeding too much and I couldn't stop it with the cotton ball so I gave it up. I wondered why he didn't offer me a band-aid, but I thought maybe it's just all about the animals here.
So I go up to pay, he gives me some antibiotics just to be safe and some vitamins that may help her appetite and tells me to call in the morning to find out about the blood. The woman in line after me asks if I was bitten because there's blood everywhere and now I'm getting it on the desk too. The vet goes, "Oh, I thought it was just a little nip. Didn't realize she got you that bad. Ever bit ya before? No? Oh, well, some people get bothered by it. So if it swells up like a balloon, get help." Yes. Thank you. "That'll be $192 with the blood work." Blood all over my checking account. "We'll go ahead and check her for leukemia too."
I get home and clean my hand off with some more disinfectant and there are no regular band-aids here. I have class tonight, so I can't just leave it open. I found one gauze pad and some athletic tape. So I now look like a burn victim, I have a severely depressed cat, a depleted checking account and a stained shirt.
myriam [email] said at 6:01 PM 09-05-2006: Oh man!! Poor Hedwig!!! She really kind of scared me this weekend but I didn't want to make too much of it since I don't know her well enough and I didn't want to freak you out either. :(
josh [email] said at 6:23 PM 09-05-2006: yikes, i hope your cat gets better. animal health issues are so frustrating because, obviously, they can't tell you what's wrong. and i agree with craig about your hand.
evan [email] said at 9:07 PM 09-05-2006: damn! that's intense. hope your hand heals up. i remember when kaycee's cat attacked karrie and made her hand swell up. that was intense.
BC is nutty. he has to be totally sedated everytime he goes in the vet because one vet was shitty and kinda traumatized him. he hisses and spits and goes totally pet cemetary. it's rough to see your loved one like that. i'm sure hedwig will bounce back though. cat's take a while to adjust to change, but they eventually do. just make sure to give her some extra love
meredith [email] said at 12:33 AM 09-06-2006: Update:
Jeremy came over tonight to pay me back some money, pick up some of his things and to watch his recording of the Contender (he paid the cable bill up until the end of the run so that he can still see it). I told him about Hedwig so he bought some canned cat food on the way in.
As soon as he came in, he opened the cat food, put it on a plate and took it in to her. I'll be damned if the little fucker didn't start eating right away. She didn't eat all of it, but she ate a good bit. Then he poured some bottled water into a little container for her and she drank the hell out of that too. He asked me where on the couch she had been sleeping and I said, right in the middle. He said 'not up here?' because apparently she slept on the couch cushions or between his feet the entire time he slept on the couch while we were broken up.
I pulled her up between us to watch the Contender and she sat there. Then Jeremy left and I walked him out. When I came back Hedwig was sitting by the door. She sat by the door until Jake chased her away. I had no idea she was that attached to Jeremy.
meredith [email] said at 12:35 AM 09-06-2006: Oh, and my hand is a little swollen and tender. I don't think it's bad enough to be alarming though. I mean, it was punctured by a fang and simultaneously masticated by molars, so I would expect a little swelling, but I think I'll be able to avoid the hospital.
meredith [email] said at 12:49 AM 09-06-2006: Also, thanks everyone for the good wishes. Here is Hedwig as she sits now. Hopefully she'll go to sleep instead of staring into space.
And here is my hand as it is now.
As you can see, it's visibly swollen, but I don't think it's enough to be worried about.
meredith [email] said at 12:29 PM 09-06-2006: Hedwig apparently has a regenerative anemia. Her blood cell count is 1.8 and should be 6. She's basically not making new blood cells and they don't know why. There's nothing I can do short of putting her on Vitamin B, Iron and blood transfusions. The only other option is to take her to an Internal Medicine Specialist where they will take a bone marrow sample and try to figure out what's causing it. There isn't one in Chicago, the only on is in Buffalo Grove.
I'm so upset. I can't stand the thought of my little girl just fading away.
meredith [email] said at 2:06 PM 09-06-2006: I sent the blood work to my sister at lunch. She's going to send it to the vet she used to work for and get his opinion.
I don't want to put Hedwig through a whole lot of trauma and needles (which she obviously dislikes intensely) if the end result is going to be the same.
Hopefully they'll also be able to tell me how much time she has left.
evan [email] said at 2:10 PM 09-06-2006: that fucking sucks. i'm really sorry to hear that. i had a cat that got feline diabetes and lost about 20 lbs in a week or two (it was a huge cat). we ended up euthanizing her because she was an outdoor cat that would disappear for days at a time so we couldn't give her shots on a regular basis and she wouldn't be happy as an indoor cat.
it's a rough decision to make, but you might want to think about putting her to sleep sooner rather than letting her sadly and painfully waste away.
ed [email] said at 2:49 PM 09-06-2006: Well, that just made me cry, so I can imagine how you feel. I have had similar situations, so I can empathize. Hugs to you and Hedwig.
meredith [email] said at 3:57 PM 09-06-2006: I'm kind of amazed that just eight months ago Hedwig was perfectly healthy. She was flying on planes and everything. I don't understand how this could have happened.
marcia [email] said at 5:07 PM 09-06-2006: poor bunny kitty. they hate change. my cat became an angry, lathargic loaf of bread when he took a 2 week vacation at a friend's house about a month ago. hope things get better. hope your hand gets better!
meredith [email] said at 7:02 PM 09-06-2006: I just talked to my sister. If I don't do something in the next few days, she has about a week. It could be lymphoma or some kind of non-regenerative anemia. If it's lymphoma, I can start her on chemo, if it's the anemia, I can start her on massive doses of steroids and blood transfusions. Neither of those options is guaranteed survival.
meredith [email] said at 9:11 PM 09-06-2006: I'm really sad about this. I think I'm going to have to let her go.
Just to find out what she has I would have to take her out to Buffalo Grove and they would have to take a bone marrow sample. I would have to somehow coordinate with someone who has a car. Once this is done, I either put her through chemotherapy or lots of blood transfusions and steriod injections.
If there was a guarantee that after going through all of this she would be a happy, healthy cat with years left to live, I would consider it. But apparently most of these are pretty much short term fixes.
I can't believe she's only six years old. I thought I would have her into my forties.
I can't believe I'm going to have to do this. I just don't want to come in and have to find her dead of starvation or dehydration.
linus [email] said at 9:25 PM 09-06-2006: Bummer. Is it within the realm of possibility that she might get better? If so, you could just wait and see (assuming she's not in utter misery).
Cats can have lots of issues even at a relatively young age and you can't do much about most of them (short of being a gazillionaire or feline health researcher), unfortunately, but some of them do have an uncanny ability to bounce back (not to give you false hope).
RebeccaZ [ url ] said at 11:08 PM 09-06-2006: I agree with Linus, Meredith. Why not just take her to Buffalo Grove if you need to, just to see and get a second opinion. What if she could conceivably get better? At least you knew you gave her a shot, you know?
I know you'll make the best decision for that dear kitty.
I have to work tomorrow and Friday, but if you can arrange something Saturday morning - Wednesday evening, I can help take her out there. My folks are coming in on Saturday for the show and will leave Sunday afternoon, but I want to help your kitty.
meredith [email] said at 2:18 AM 09-07-2006: The thing I am having the problem with (not that I am not most appreciative of your wish to help) is that the bone marrow transplant sounds painful. She hates travelling. And that even if I discovered what she had in time (she only has about a week) then I have to put her through either chemo or massive amounts of injections through transfusion and steriods.
And none of this guarantees any form of survival.
I just don't want to draw out her last days being in and out of strange vehicles and vets' offices getting a number of painful proceedures. I know this is so opposite what happens in humans, but ... I dunno, if I were in her position, I might choose to take a week at the beach in exchange for four weeks of chemo with the same end result. They can't give me any percentages, we hve no idea how far along she is only that she has rapidly fallen.
I just want to make her last days the best. I just don't know how to do that.
myriam [email] said at 9:18 AM 09-07-2006: How did she get this so suddenly? Is this in any way something that could also affect Jake? If there's any doubt, would taking her in to find the definitive cause help protect Jake, maybe?
REbeccaZ [ url ] said at 9:40 AM 09-07-2006: Oh, no . . . Meredith, I'm so sorry. Hedwig, be well! She was one of the best kitties and I'll miss her. Give me a call at work - 312-455-0388 if you need anything.
denman [email] said at 2:10 PM 09-07-2006: Oh this is so sad. I'm so sorry to hear about this. The last time I lost a cat, I was in college. She was the cat I grew up with. My parents were always calling my me so I stopped picking up. Apparently they found her in the garage with an infected lung. The vet said that there was nothing they could do. My parents had her put to sleep. I will never forgive my mother who (basically can't deal with difficult situations), said that she is still haunted by the memory of LEAVING MY CAT CRYING as they were about to inject her. Anyway this was very hard for me, so I know how you feel, and I'm very sorry.
meredith [email] said at 4:23 PM 09-07-2006: Thanks everyone for the thoughts.
John came and drove us to the vet this morning. Jeremy came with me and took care of all of the talking to people stuff since I was basically incapable of it.
When I woke up this morning she had somehow dragged herself into the pantry where their food and litterbox is. She hadn't come in for meal times in at least a week, but when I came in to feed Jake she looked up and purred, so I fed her and put her up next to her bowl. It was the first time I heard her purr in a really long time. I think she just wanted one last meal time.
After that I brought her into the bedroom with Jeremy and I and called my mom and sister. I asked my sister what she would do if it were here cat and she said she thought it was time. I pretty much knew, but I wanted to be sure I was doing the right thing.
After making the phone calls to John and the vet, Jeremy and I just laid on the bed with her. Jake came up and sat with us too. I remembered when Jeremy and I were dating how in the winter sometimes Jake and Hedwig would both sleep with us and I would think how everything I really cared about was all on this soft little island with me.
When John came I just carried Hedwig out without a carrier. She was so light and weak I didn't think it necessary. The vet took one look at us when we walked in and told us to go straight into the room. We had the nice doctor this time so I was glad. He gave her a sedative first because she was so dehydrated it seemed like they might have a hard time with her viens. He said that from looking at her blood work, he would guess a bone marrow tumor because all of the blood cells that were there were normal. It looked like there were just suddenly less of them. He said that's why it happened so fast.
I petted her and watched her eyes while they gave her the injection and I could tell the moment she was gone. I just lost it. The vet was really nice and gave us a moment alone afterwards. It felt so weird leaving her there. I feel like I've been crying for two days. My head hurts so bad. People have been calling but I don't feel like talking to anyone. I don't really know what to say. For most of the day I've been trying not to think about her because when I do I cry and my head is severly killing me right now. At the same time I can't really think about anything else.
Anyway, at least she's not suffering anymore. I'll miss her a lot.
courtney [email] said at 5:24 PM 09-07-2006: OMG, I'm so, so sorry to read this whole thing. My heart goes out to you... This is no easy thing to go through. Sad to hear it happened so suddenly, but it is good that she is no longer suffering.
ed [email] said at 10:49 PM 09-07-2006: Damn, Mere. I'm so sorry. I'm crying so hard I can barely see to type. This is all so reminiscent of Sam and how his last day went. Except neither Barb nor I could speak, so the vet (after the injection, and Sam breathed his last) just asked us gentle questions and we shook and/or nodded our heads as appropriate. It was one of the worst days of my life.
I'm so sorry that this had to happen at all, much less at this time of your life.
I asked my prayer group to pray for you this morning - whether that sounds hokey to anyone or not doesn't matter to me at this particular moment. I just pray (and will continue to) for comfort and peace for you.
I've never met you, and never had the honor of scratching Hedwig behind the ears, but I love you, Meredith. And I would love to be able to offer more than comforting words. If there's anything I can do from a zillion miles away, let me know. I will do anything in my power to make this not so horrible for you.
RebeccaZ [ url ] said at 5:29 PM 09-07-2006: Hey, Meredith - I'll see you tonight and if you need me to speak to the cast about what's up so you can just stay quiet before the show, that's completely cool. I'm so sorry. I'll be at the theatre around 5:45-6ish.
