I've decided to add a little link somewhere on the page that will detail our response policy... what rights you have a responder, what privacy rights you can expect... You know, things like that.
Here is my rough draft:
Killoggs.com is an entertainment site. No person or persons depicted here are intended to represent any actual person, alive or dead. All events depicted here are fictional. By posting here, you agree that you are fully aware that all events described on Killoggs.com are fictitious and that all "members" of killoggs.com are also fictitious.
By posting here, you also agree that you yourself are a work of fiction, and that your appearance in this greater fiction that is killoggs is by your permission. Furthermore, you agree that the staff of Killoggs.com, entertainment site, may make use of your fictional character and words for the purpose of future Killoggs content ONLY - any possible merchandising rights must be negotiated with you at a later date.
In addition, by responding on Killoggs, you give the staff (and readers) of Killoggs.com permission to:
send you emails at their whim, if you provide an email address.
bitterly and ruthlessly mock you, for no reason whatsoever.
assume your fictional identity and use it for their own ends.
track you based on your IP address and/or other means.
direct profanity and intensely personal insults at your fictional identity.
sell your personal information for fun & profit.
threaten you legally, without any formal legal knowledge whatsoever.
Any photos or other images posted or linked to killoggs are subject to photoshop re-arrangement, and you are also giving permission for Killoggs readers and members to make use of the photo for entertainment purposes. By posting a photo to Killoggs, you are agreeing that you have the legal right to do so, and you indemnify Killoggs.com and it's staff of any possible legal ramifications.
Killoggs reserves the right to reflexive self-whimsy and profanity in the pursuit of art and confusion.
Killoggs reserves the right for any member or reader to actually be Brandon.
Please be advised that forming a crush, or other emotional bond, on or with fictional Killoggs characters could be dangerous to one's mental health and can cause serious disappointment and masterbatory behaviors (which are illegal in some states).
As Killoggs.com is based in the continental US, any discussions, unless specifically mentioned otherwise, deal with American laws and locales.
Although killoggs.com does not and cannot review every message posted and is not responsible for the content of any of these messages, we at killoggs.com reserve the right to delete any message, or remove anyone's posting or responding privileges for any or no reason whatsoever. You remain solely responsible for the content of your messages or content, and you agree to indemnify and hold harmless killoggs.com, and it's agents with respect to any claim based upon transmission of your message(s) or content.
Killoggs staff shall not be held responsible for termination of employment caused by your employer's discovery of Killoggs in your computer's internet history. Further, Killoggs is not responsible for the failure of relationships, departure of friends, or lack of empathy from pets as a result of participating in, or viewing, this website.
The iraqi abuse photos, all porn, all sound clips, buddy icons, and photos are normally for members only. But if you ask nicely, we might share.
Participation in this website is considered sufficient grounds for investigation by the Department of Homeland Security, the Department of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, as well as the South Carolina Civil War Reenactment Board.
If pregnant or nursing, consult your physician before use of Killoggs.
Although Killoggs is purely an entertainment site, your personal entertainment is not guaranteed.
Please wash your hands before you return to work.
Sound good so far? Add some clauses, then we'll post it!
brianbibbly [email] said at 2:43 PM 06-23-2004: Do you want it to continue to be funny and whimsical or do you want some legal mumbo-jumbo? I'm sure I can provide all relevant legal mumbo-jumbo requested.
P.S. Are you stealing away the members clubs until we comply with your demands? Damn your ego Sisk! Power-Monger!
brianbibbly [email] said at 2:48 PM 06-23-2004: They are not there for me! Ohhhhhhh Noooooooo! The box with the clubs are gone! Thanks a lot Sisk! You destroyer of lives!
brianbibbly [email] said at 2:51 PM 06-23-2004: Oh, you made a pull-down box. I didn't agree to that Sisk! You have violated me! How dare you snuffer-of-the-flame-of-love!
julie [email] said at 2:59 PM 06-23-2004: Uh-oh. I just made a mean joke about BB, and now I see that he's posted something in the GC. Hmmmmm... Coincidence?
brianbibbly [email] said at 3:02 PM 06-23-2004: No, seriously sweetie, it wasn't about you. It was about Josh, but I cannot talk about it because rule one of the GC is you can't talk about the GC.
josh [email] said at 2:58 PM 06-23-2004: This has so far been mostly witten by me, with submissions by Kara and Brandon... Add your own clauses. I want it to be really long and legalesed out.
Killoggs reserves the right for any member to actually be Brandon.
brianbibbly [email] said at 3:03 PM 06-23-2004: Throw this garbage at the bottom.
"Although killoggs.com does not and cannot review every message posted and is not responsible for the content of any of these messages, we at killoggs.com reserve the right to delete any message, or remove a members posting privileges for any or no reason whatsoever. You remain solely responsible for the content of your messages, and you agree to indemnify and hold harmless killoggs.com, and it's agents with respect to any claim based upon transmission of your message(s)."
Michael [ url ] said at 3:27 PM 06-23-2004: Anyone who fails to display the required embossed Mexican velvet painting of Alexander Haig on their living room wall will be shot.
julie [email] said at 3:30 PM 06-23-2004: Killoggs staff shall not be held responsible for termination of employment caused by your employer's discovery of Killoggs in your computer's internet history.
Michael [ url ] said at 3:35 PM 06-23-2004: That's a keeper.
Further, Killoggs is not responsible for the failure of relationships, departure of friends, or lack of empathy from pets as a result of participating in this website.
Participation in this website is considered sufficient grounds for investigation by the Department of Homeland Security, the Department of ALcohol and Firearms, and the South Carolina Civil War Reenactment Board.
ed [email] said at 3:31 PM 06-23-2004: The iraqi abuse photos, all porn (including but not limited to bestiality, pokemonsex, young girls pissing, and self-fisting), and all Dave Chapelle sound clips, buddy icons, and photos are normally for members only. But if you ask nicely, we might share.
julie [email] said at 3:36 PM 06-23-2004: Any Killoggs head with dimples or any semblance of a smirk is allowed to be sarcastic without apology. They are also exempt from having to indicate (with emoticons or "hahaha") when they are kidding. The sweet, nice-looking heads use sarcasm at their own risk.
julie [email] said at 3:38 PM 06-23-2004: All outright lies must be posted with special patented [lie] [/lie] html tags --OR-- alternately, preceded by the member name "Brandon"
ed [email] said at 3:46 PM 06-23-2004: Yeah! And also, the usual side effects warning...
Killoggs may cause nausea, dizziness, vomiting, diarrhea, dry mouth, unrinary tract infections, seizures, and sudden coronary failure. If you experience any of these symptoms, discontinue use of Killoggs immediately and seek medical attention.
Michael [ url ] said at 3:49 PM 06-23-2004: WARNING :
KILLOGGS CAN BE POISONOUS IF MISUSED. CHILDREN MUST NOT BE ALLOWED TO APPLY KILLOGGS WITHOUT DIRECT ADULT SUPERVISION. USE KILLOGGS FOR HEAD AND PUBIC LICE ONLY. DO NOT USE FOR SCABIES. USE ONLY IN AMOUNTS DIRECTED BELOW. IN NO CASE SHOULD MORE THAN 2 OUNCES BE USED BY ONE PERSON IN ONE APPLICATION. DO NOT INGEST. KEEP AWAY FROM MOUTH AND EYES. DO NOT USE IF OPEN WOUNDS, CUTS OR SORES ARE PRESENT ON SCALP OR GROIN, UNLESS DIRECTED BY YOUR PHYSICIAN.
AVOID USING OIL TREATMENTS, OIL BASED HAIR DRESSINGS OR CONDITIONERS IMMEDIATELY BEFORE AND AFTER APPLYING KILLOGGS.
(SHAKE WELL)
1. BEFORE APPLYING KILLOGGS, USE REGULAR SHAMPOO (WITHOUT CONDITIONERS), RINSE AND COMPLETELY DRY HAIR.
2. USE 1 OUNCE (HALF OF A 2 OUNCE BOTTLE) FOR SHORT HAIR; 1.5 OUNCES (THREE-QUARTERS OF A 2 OUNCE BOTTLE) FOR MEDIUM LENGTH HAIR; AND FULL 2 OUNCE BOTTLE FOR LONG HAIR.
3. APPLY KILLOGGS DIRECTLY TO DRY HAIR WITHOUT ADDING WATER. WORK THOROUGHLY INTO THE HAIR AND ALLOW TO REMAIN IN PLACE FOR 4 MINUTES ONLY.
4. AFTER 4 MINUTES, ADD SMALL QUANTITIES OF WATER TO HAIR UNTIL A GOOD LATHER FORMS.
5. IMMEDIATELY RINSE ALL LATHER AWAY. AVOID UNNECESSARY CONTACT OF LATHER WITH OTHER BODY SURFACES.
6. TOWEL BRISKLY AND REMOVE NITS WITH NIT COMB OR TWEEZERS.
7. AVOID UNNECESSARY CONTACT WITH YOUR SKIN IF YOU ARE APPLYING KILLOGGS TO ANOTHER PERSON. IF TREATING MORE THAN ONE PERSON, PERSON APPLYING KILLOGGS (ESPECIALLY PREGNANT AND/OR NURSING WOMEN) SHOULD WEAR RUBBER GLOVES.
RE-TREATMENT IS USUALLY NOT NECESSARY, BUT PRESENCE OF LIVING LICE IN HAIR 7 DAYS AFTER TREATMENT INDICATES THAT RE-TREATMENT OF KILLOGGS MAY BE NEEDED.
cecil [email] said at 4:05 PM 06-23-2004: Warning: Crushing on Killoggs characters is dangerous to mental health and can cause serious disappointment and masterbatory behaviors which are illegal in some states.
julie [email] said at 4:31 PM 06-23-2004: What is that warning at the beginning of Jackass? Something about stunts by trained professionals, do not try this at home blah blah blah.
Michael [ url ] said at 4:51 PM 06-23-2004: That's actually an abridged version of Chatterwocky's official mantra, supplied by Brandon sometime back: "Your time is worth nothing, and secretly you're waiting to die."
amy [email] said at 5:31 PM 06-23-2004: Though stalking is illegal, members reserve the right to use any information provided by you to stalk you, harass you, or otherwise assume your identity.
dave said at 7:38 PM 06-23-2004: anyone that can prove without a doubt that they have an iraqi prisoner abuse photo tattooed on their body will immediately receive an honorary head, which will not be part of killoggs.com, and said person will be subject to banishment from, but not before ridicule, on killoggs.com.
Texas Frank said at 1:46 AM 06-24-2004: Cain't sleep, I just read this and I may go kill myself or somebody else, unless the person posting under my name kills (himself or herself) first. I understand that that posting here opens myself(or the imposter) to ridicule, harasement,shame,self mutalation,satarical dysentery,vulgar impersonation,bibical quotations taken out of context,insults about my ancestory,threats,lies about my President Bush,taunts, and be exposed to internet bullies. Since overdoseing on Killoggs I find myself constantly sneaking out to boot up, I expect soon I will have to enter rehab, I hope I don't have to room with any of you peverts. Good night children, God Bless.
myriam [email] said at 2:12 PM 06-24-2004: Heavy thinking should not be attempted under the influence of killoggs. In fact we're not even sure if it's legal to be under the influence of killoggs. If the cops come in while you're reading this, we recommend you disavow all knowledge. We are not responsible for incarceration resulting from the reading of killoggs.
jake [email] said at 4:45 PM 07-22-2004: can cause serious disappointment and masterbatory behaviors (which are illegal in some states).
MastUrbatory
Killoggs.com reserves the right to filter your responses, so your words will echo lonely in the abyss forever.
Members of Killoggs.com reserve the right to talk about you behind your back, manipulate your browser settings, forward you to our favorite links, and inform you for our own amusement.
If you break it, you have to buy it.
Killoggs.com is a home of sorts, and unwelcome or annoying trespassers may be shot in the face by a clown.
jake [email] said at 4:53 PM 07-22-2004: Who'd you hear that from?
I mean, sure I'm an accomplished jack-off-artist, but there's nothing equine about it.
jake [email] said at 5:04 PM 07-22-2004: Killoggs.com has a webmaster who is often a dick, but may or may not shed that persona like a leaf. If that bothers you, you can leaf too.
jake [email] said at 5:12 PM 07-22-2004: Killoggs.com takes itself seriously, but the same will not apply to you. If you have to ask if a member is joking, extend your thumb, rotate your wrist, elbow and shoulder to position your hand below your posterior, and insert with a thrusting motion.
The answer you seek will be written in the fine print brown smudge.
milky [email] said at 6:51 PM 11-17-2007: "although we do our best to shock and offend all groups at all times, we may miss a few from time to time, so don't hate on us for it if me your special interest group. We'll get to it."
milky [email] said at 9:07 PM 11-17-2007: No Scientologist or est/Landmark Education graduates. We wouldn't want to infringe on your "technology." Killoggist technology we use serves us well.
Texas Frank said at 4:22 PM 06-25-2008: The person who posted for me did an excellent job, you could be my twin seperated at birth. Brother my Brother, your not gay are you? If you are I would have to dis-own you (unless you are very rich). But anyway well spoke. P.S I am not dead but my natural appearence could be mistaken for a cadaver.
