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byron

How to ruin a perfectly good relationship...

1. Spend every weekend night for 2 years painting your name on trains.
2. Spend the rest of the week watching trains under a bridge downtown.
3. Turn down every oppurtunity to hang out with girlfriend with some or all of these excuses: "I'm too tired" , "Those people are weird" , "I hate big crowds" , "That band sucks" , "That movie is going to suck" , "I have plans to sit around and drink beer" , "I have plans to sit around, drink beer, and watch football or basketball"
4. Put a Rebel flag on your pickup truck.
5. Listen to Bluegrass, Classic Rock, or Country Music exclusively.
6. Don't do the dishes, ever.
7. Promise to change, and don't.

Trust me, this method is foolproof.

[ 19 responses ] < Post > < link >

[ posted by byron at 04/14/2004 09:02:24 PM ]
[ trackback ]

Threaded Responses [ bottom ]

rick [email] said at 9:19 PM 04-14-2004:
My method is just to argue endlessly. And to make insensitive cracks from time to time. My cold and unapproachable demeanor finishes the ensemble.

I have a feeling that if I make it to be old age, I will end up being one of the old boys who hang out in front of the hardware store or who are surrounded by a lot of pets who they slavishly serve.

[Reply To this] [#103465]

Baby Duck said at 10:06 PM 04-14-2004:
Perhaps if you simply broadened your painting horizons beyond trains, the relationship would be salvagable.

[Reply To this] [#103469] [ip: logged]

byron [email] said at 10:22 PM 04-14-2004:
Actually, I paint canvases, too. But, at this point I could be Picasso and this girl would still be hellbent on leaving.

[Reply To this] [#103470]

zack [email] said at 10:29 PM 04-14-2004:
Probably more so. He was a real dickhead.

[Reply To this] [#103472]

Woody said at 10:17 AM 04-15-2004:
I say be really, really insecure. And keep reminding yourself there's no way a women this gourgeous could ever really love you and that this is going to end really soon so you better leave first to save the heartbreak. This used to work quite well, haven't tested it in years though.

[Reply To this] [#103498] [ip: logged]

me said at 8:55 PM 04-15-2004:
....so that's the reason the mother fucker left....!!!!! thanks woody, thanks a million for these lines...

[Reply To this] [#103624] [ip: logged]

me said at 8:55 PM 04-15-2004:
....so that's the reason the mother fucker left....!!!!! thanks woody, thanks a million for these lines...

[Reply To this] [#103625] [ip: logged]

tim said at 11:27 AM 04-15-2004:
dude, you should post more. reading this made me laugh out loud, even though I know you're not kidding.

[Reply To this] [#103506] [ip: logged]

craig [email] said at 11:45 AM 04-15-2004:
I would like to see some pictures of your paintings.

[Reply To this] [#103507]

cecil [email] said at 3:48 PM 04-15-2004:
Go into a fit of jealousy after reading her private email to a Hollywood actor, who actually wrote back to her, and could actually date her since you live in Los Angeles. That worked for me.

[Reply To this] [#103551]