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Threaded Responses [ bottom ]
 | xmeredithx [email] said at 5:05 PM 01-13-2003:
armsflailing hit post instead of publish. dumbass. |
 | brandon [email] said at 6:19 PM 01-13-2003:
Unless you opt for cosmetic surgery, or win the lottery, *this* is pretty much it. |
Woody said at 6:21 PM 01-13-2003:
If it helps to comfort you at all, just remember: It will all end somebody. And odds are it will be painful. |
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| brandon [email] said at 6:37 PM 01-13-2003:
It will all end somebody.
Well, if painful homicide is involved, count me in. Count me in on LIFE. Do we get to pick whom we get to end? |
 | ed [email] said at 6:37 PM 01-13-2003:
Yup, this is about it. Sucks, don't it? |
 | jeff [email] said at 6:44 PM 01-13-2003:
What's the sound of one arm flailing? |
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| brandon [email] said at 6:50 PM 01-13-2003:
Sounds like my hunt and peck typing. |
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| brandon [email] said at 6:52 PM 01-13-2003:
me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
"me me?"
"me, me me me me me: me."
"MEEE?..."
"MEEE!"
"Me me me me, me, and me, me me me me me me me me me."
"*meeee, meme me me meme me-me?*
"me me me me...."
"me-me, me-me"
"me me me me me me me me"
"me-me, me-me?" |
 | kiche [email] said at 7:10 PM 01-13-2003:
please elaborate. |
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| xmeredithx [email] said at 7:28 PM 01-13-2003:
elaborate...i meant to but i hit post prematurely.
lately i feel like the epitome of the phrase "youth is wasted on the young" i talked to mary about this a lot this afternoon, so she will have to forgive the repetition.
i feel like i'm missing out on life. that i'm not doing "things" though i don't know what those things are. all i do now is work, come home, read write watch movies talk to people, sleep. repeat. it seems like there should be more. but i don't know what.
i'm not particularly crazy about dc, i'm not particularly crazy about my job (well, i like what i do but i could really give a rats ass about finance and the stock market, in fact i detest it and every day i work here a little bit of my soul creeps away), i'm not really crazy about the place where i live.
i feel like i'm going to be 40 really soon and look back on these years and feel like i've wasted all my time. like i could do whatever i want, but i'm not. i'm working 9 to 5 i'm already in the grind i'm in the race. i don't have the burdens now that i might when i'm older, i could pick up and move to california without a whole lot of detriment or consequence. am i going to regret not doing that? i would really, really like to do that. but when it comes down to it, i'm _scared_ to make something that big of a change.
everything that i need to decide right now seems so big and solid, like i have to live with it for the rest of my life.
do i want to go to grad school? well, what for? should i look for a new job? should i quit my job? what about this whole recession-bad economy thing? maybe it's not such a good idea. is it really so bad here? what don't i like about it? should i move back home to pennsylvania to be nearer to my family, and my parents, because one day i'm going to regret not being near them, when they're not here anymore?
most of the time i get so freaked out when i start thinking about these things that i just stop thinking about them and try to forget by reading a shitload of books and drinking a lot. there are just so many things that i would _like_ to be doing that i am not doing at all, not any of them, not a single one, and i feel like i'm making all these mistakes by just being. all i'm doing is existing and nothing more.
and now i've worked myself into a lather again, i seem to always cry at work late on monday nights, so i'm going to go home. it makes me feel a lot better, though, that mary told me this afternoon that i'm not unusual or normal. for some reason, every once in awhile this sort of stuff just grips me, in the chest and the stomach, and it makes me cry. i'm not going to be here forever, so why am i doing this shit, and what _should_ i do. |
anotherben.. said at 7:35 PM 01-13-2003:
i kind of like the statement "i am not unusual or normal". |
Geoff C. said at 7:37 PM 01-13-2003:
Uproot yourself, find yourself, find happiness, follow your soul. Don't look back. The more you regret, the more you wonder what if means the more pain you'll feel. Take time out for yourself and recharge your mental/spiritual batteries. Focus on you for awhile and ignore all percieved obstacles. It's not an all-purpose answer, it might not work, but it's worth a shot at least. |
 | courtney [email] said at 8:57 PM 01-13-2003:
Everyone feels something similar to this at one point or another, I think.
I go through it *constantly*. I've changed my path multiple times within the past 5 years. I've been in and out of school and never earned a degree. I've worked the 9 to 5 grind for many years. I've been domesticated and done nothing but stay at home all day and clean house. I still don't know what the hell I'm doing.
You wouldn't be a human being if you didn't feel this way. It's normal to question where we are and where we are going. We always want to do what everyone else is doing, whatever the heck that is.
It's whatever you make of it. Try not to feel regret for your choices... sounds easier than it really is. |
caitlin [ url ]
said at 9:53 AM 01-15-2003:
Changing your scenery very infrequently changes the circumstances of the reasons you're feeling stuck. You would feel stuck in California, too, most likely. I bet things will change when you and the boy are in the same city. And as for work, well, now's not really the time for job hunting, but you could put out the feelers. Job misery frequently seeps into other aspects of life.
I.E. Don't let the bastards get you down. Plus, california is expensive and overrated, unless you're moving to Big Sur, in which case, it kicks ass. |
 | milky [email] said at 7:10 PM 01-13-2003:
Meredith, I had TWO of those moments in the past month. |
 | loren [email] said at 7:12 PM 01-13-2003:
this is it only if you want this to be it. and that's that. |
marcella said at 7:22 PM 01-13-2003:
sea change feels good in moments such as this. if you had only one wish, what would it be? i'd like to be water. |
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| milky [email] said at 8:04 PM 01-13-2003:
You can't have the sweet without the bitter. That's what I've learned, no matter how contrite it sounds.
It gets better. It really does. |
 | dianne [email] said at 8:54 PM 01-13-2003:
oh man, i had a whole *year* of those moments.
i went to grad school to find my "calling." that was a $40K detour. then i went to prague. hoo boy, was that a mistake!
i did everything i set out to do, got the degree, lived abroad, and came home suicidal cause i thought i'd fucked up my life for good. 27 and i thought that was it for me.
well, i probably wouldn't go to grad school if i had it to do over, but nobody does have it to do over so fuck it. it wasn't a waste. i learned a hell of a lot. besides, a lot of this is process of elimination.
write down 10 paths you could take right now. some can be variations, i.e. join the circus and write about it, or join the circus and become an elephant trainer. they don't have to be remotely feasible, tho at least two or three of them should be. write 'em all down, tear the paper into strips with one life plan per strip, throw them into a bowl, mix them up, and pick one. pretend you'll have to commit to whichever one you pick and see how you feel when you've drawn the rest of your life.
and that's just the beginning. there will be no epiphany, at least no big final one. it is a given that you will fuck up at some point, maybe more than once, but unless you have a kid, buy a house or contract a virus, it's all pretty much reversible.
think about what is important to you, and the things that make you happy just doing them. places and circumstances when you've been happy -- what are some common themes? friends, study, love, inner peace?
this is long and personal and may make very little sense to anyone else. but the only thing i really regret so far is that *fear*, that terror of fucking up, and all that time when i thought my life was over cause i studied the wrong thing. |
 | shelly [email] said at 9:02 PM 01-13-2003:
dianne, what you've said here is the first thing that has made sense to me in a long time.
i like to pick colors for the shade of existential crisis i'm going through each day, so i can color code my calendar. today is a violet day with a little red around the edges. |
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| kiche [email] said at 9:35 AM 01-14-2003:
prague is not the underground mecca everyone makes it out to be? |
wolfgang norton [ url ]
said at 12:09 AM 01-14-2003:
I thought my life was over at 27, and I'm pretty sure I was right.
Didn't do anything about it, though, so now i'm just living from dream to dream. |
Emmaliegh said at 12:21 AM 01-14-2003:
in the immortal words of the King: somtimes I want to stay here, then I again I want to leave. sometimes I want to leave here, then again I want to stay. yes, I got my train fare, pack my grip and ride away..."
It's kind of comforting that other people have these feelings. I've been having this mid-twenties crisis type thing for most of my 20s. |
Emmaliegh said at 12:24 AM 01-14-2003:
let's just drop everything and live off love in the desert. |
Ricko . . . Suave said at 12:29 AM 01-14-2003:
Las Vegas is a loveless town. |
Emmaliegh said at 12:37 AM 01-14-2003:
I actually want to go to AZ. |
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| ed [email] said at 7:28 AM 01-14-2003:
As long as it's not Iraq. That desert life is going to suck even more, real soon. |
kaycee incognito said at 6:42 AM 01-14-2003:
wow... do i know this feeling... and i am supposed to be living a life that everyone around seems to think IS living my dream... but sometimes the dream in retrospect happens, it's when we're doing it that it feels like a crock of shite... just do something little, thats what i try to do, i say this staring at a pile of christmas presents i havent mailed to you guys yet, but fuck, one day at a time.. i think if you had it all figured out then youd be bored and irritated with that too... i know i would be. my newest dream, implanted in my head by steve, is to live on a houseboat... sigh.... oh the little incongruencies of life! |
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| xmeredithx [email] said at 8:09 AM 01-14-2003:
brandon and i want to get a houseboat someday, too! we should pick the same harbor and dock our boats nearby, and be houseboat neighbors. |
 | linus [email] said at 2:20 PM 01-14-2003:
Be careful. The last time I felt that way, I almost joined the Army. And Brandon is nothing but encouraging. He'll be all, "Go ahead, you like to travel, blah blah blah, and you can shoot people and blow shit up." |
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| brandon [email] said at 2:34 PM 01-14-2003:
Had you joined the army, mr. linus,as a war fighter (egregious, dripping term that is) you would now have the option to take drugs that allow you to skip sleeping; participate in experiments aimed at removing your inhibitions in regard to ending enemy vital functions; take amphetamines under orders etc. along with the old standby's of travel, blowing shit up, etc. I stand by my previous recommendations. |
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| linus [email] said at 2:43 PM 01-14-2003:
Well, now that you mention it, I have been feeling sort of tired alot, so.... |
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