Killoggs : born with a hunched back

Dear Mr. Wheaton,

It has been brought to the attention of 100Monkeys.org (the SIMI Project), that you are attempting to corner the monkey and typewriter market with your "50,000 monkeys at 50,000 typewriters." Rest assured that this hording of precious resources has not gone unnoticed nor will it go unchallenged.

The SIMI Project has worked very hard over the past two and half years to acquire and maintain the 100 monkeys and 100 typewriters needed to conduct our research--determining if monkeys could type Shakespeare. We have recently become quite perplexed at to the stunning rise in cost associated with acquiring new monkeys - until, that is, we were informed of your site.

While there has been some debate over the actual wording of Thomas Huxley's challenge in the "Great Debate" against Archbishop Samuel Wilberforce, we believe that by reducing the possible infinite number of monkeys to 100 (or up from six), we allow others in this field to share what is clearly NOT an infinite resource (unless you include infinite time, which we don't have either).

Either way, you may want to recount your current monkey population as we
believe that you may be down by one--leaving you with 49,999 monkeys. While
we will vigorously protect the name of the monkey who brought us this information from your camp, he was no doubt extremely impressed with our scientific research and has joined the SIMI project as a consultant. In addition, he has given us important information regarding the nature of your operation and the exact details on how you have acquired and manage to care for so many monkeys. We believe that this information may be potentially embarrassing to the monkeys so we have refrained from leaking this to this press.

While we clearly do not have the same budget as the 50,000 monkeys you manage must require, we clearly can not allow you to continue with so many
monkeys under your charge. It is unfair to competition and unfair to scientific research.

We certainly intend to challenge your rights to these monkeys. While we haven't worked out the details of such a challenge, we anticipate it will involve several typewriter-laden lawyers singing karaoke while wearing large furry hats. We believe this challenge may also consist of constant complaining and even a little whining by our staff.

If you have another suggestion, we are more than happy to hear you out. As you know, furry hats haven't been in style in years. We thank you for your time and look forward to hearing from you regarding a possible solution to your current monkey hording.

Sincerely,

'Dr.' Adam Safran
Founder and President, Primatolinguist Emeritus
100monkeys.org/The SIMI Project
adam@100monkeys.org