Hello everyone! Let me introduce myself as Ben's sister emily. For those of you who don't know me, I am much better looking than Ben, but Ben is smarter than me. Now that we have that straight, I have a little story that I need some advise on:
I live in a house in Metairie, LA (home of poor people). Every day about 3pm, about 8 kids from across the street like to yell, scream and play, right outside MY door and on MY lawn. I've even heard them outside my bedroom window on occasion. This goes on til about 8pm. Sometimes they are so loud I can't even hear the TV. If I go outside, they scatter all around like rats. Their parents are ignorant so it wouldn't help if I said anything to them. Sometimes, they're even playing with their kids on MY lawn. Does anyone know of a deterent to keep these children and adult idiots away? Anyone with a similar situation? I've already thrown their toys away when I find them on the lawn but that only gives me temporary relief. I just don't know what the next step should be.........
meredith said at 12:41 AM 11-15-2001: i recommend sprinkling detergent or ammonia on your lawn. when the kids pee, it will really burn, and they'll never come back.
if that doesn't work, try planting landmines or other disfiguring devices. or you could get yourself a rifle and take aim at the pint-size sniper bait just outside your windows.
sometimes, when kids are playing outside my house and annoying me, i'll go out and play with them. nothing scares children more than a twenty-something-year-old hanging around pouting and muttering "why won't you play with me? what's wrong with me? come on, throw me the ball..."
welcome to killoggs, emily. are you older or younger than ben?
Bens sister Emily said at 1:20 AM 11-15-2001: But they're EVIL KIDS ramanda. Not the cute type. They're the kind of kids that steal your mail or shoot fireworks at you when you go outside. Does that make it any better?
talysman [ url ] said at 1:21 AM 11-15-2001: craig's solution in the previous post sounds about right...
nah, I'm not that mean.
you could get a big bucket of water and throw it at them. then if anyone asks, say you thought you heard some cats fighting, or something real loud outside your window.
other than that, put up a fence. that's the only way.
Bendependent [email] said at 1:58 AM 11-15-2001: I am much better looking than Ben, but Ben is smarter than me.
Umm, emily, "advise" is spelled A-D-V-I-C-E as used in the above sentence: "Now that we have that straight, I have a little story that I need some advise on."
evan said at 2:22 AM 11-15-2001: dude, throwing kids toys away is wrong regardless. i stole a kids basketball goal once, one of those blue white and orange plastic ones, and i still feel bad about it even though it did bring my and my friends days of enjoyment. i dont understand why it is so annoying for kids to be noisy between the hours of 3-8pm, and if its their behavior that is bad, just think to yourself "this is how my brother behaves." do you really hate your brother?
Bendependent [email] said at 2:45 AM 11-15-2001: One time, a long time ago when me and wee l'il brother jon were in high school, there used to be these kids that would come and play in our treehouse. I don't know where you were. You probably know this story though. Actually I just vaguely remember all of the details of it but I have the whole story written out in this really old journal from my high school "creative writing" class! Wow! In fact, this is the first journal I ever really kept. Now there's like 30 of them. This is the one that started it all! Yay! I haven't really changed much since then at all. See for yourself. Here's the story as written in the pink composition notebook:
3/11/95
What would you do if there were little kids from up the block playing in your backyard? What did I do?
"What the hell! I gotta go!"
I slammed down the phone.
"Jon! We got business to take care of!"
It wasn't long before I had the biggest knife in the house clutched between my fingers. I stood in the light of the window brandishing the cold sharp knife and slashing my tongue at the boys. It wasn't long before one of them looked over and let out a big yelp and went running home to mommy.
three boys remained.
Jon put on my glasses and frizzed out his hair while I put tape all over my face making myself look like a retarded mutant. We sat on the back steps hitting each other in the head with bananas. the boys were so tied up in their fun that they didn't notice us until I started eating a banana and getting big chunks of it stuck in the tape that was on my face.
we yelled in crotchety old man voices, "Get the hell out of my yard!"
They ran off so we stuck the following note in a tree with a knife:
We figured they would return.
Sure enough, little Gary, Maddison, and Jeremy returned. They read the note. Gary and Maddison then dared Jeremy to knock on the back door. When he walked up to the door he saw that it was open and that I had left a tasty treat for him. it was a fake rubber hand covered in fake blood and liver cheese fat on a plate. When he got closer, he heard the opera music blaring from inside the house while i danced and sang along with it.
"Oh! what have we here?"
"Welcome, little boy. Welcome!"
"I like little boys!"
He tried to run, but I was chasing him. As he got to the backyard, he looked up to see Jon throwing up water out of the second story window. They ran home as fast as they could. I haven't seen our little friends since then.
jeni [email] said at 3:04 AM 11-15-2001: catch more flies with honey yada yada: pay the kids some pocket change, give 'em candy, bake them some cookies and after they are talking to you, slowly work in the idea for them to stay the fuck off your lawn.
kara [email] said at 8:46 AM 11-15-2001: No way just fill your lawn with dog shit it's the suburban landmine equivalent.
Hey Ben can I get my brother on Killoggs too? We can be like Family Feud.
*carla* [ url ] said at 9:07 AM 11-15-2001: oh, but then that would mean Ben would have to draw all three of my sister's heads (even though two are wee willy winkens) and he'd have to draw a fetus head for my brother. I don't want to overload the poor boy. :)
Hmm...How to get rid of pesky children.
That's hard for me to say cause for the most part I like little kids but when they do get annoying I just get really cranky and tell them to Piss off. It doesn't really seem to work though.
Boudet said at 11:33 AM 11-15-2001: All you need is a mean (or really intimidating) dog. Like a Great Dane or something, this way they'll be frighten and be steppin' in dog shit all at the same time. if that doesn't get rid of them, buy a bb gun.
jeni [email] said at 7:50 PM 11-15-2001: i am the only one who thinks that a yard full of dogshit is highly more unpleasant of a result than a yard full of kids?
Bens sister Emily said at 2:20 PM 11-15-2001: Since I never play on the lawn, I like the dogshit idea. I'm trying to not do anything illegal.I don't like living in METRY at all. I was living uptown on State St. but now I hear there's a rapist in that area. I've already told them to piss off. I was thinking I should just invite my friends over to play on their lawns.
After I conquer the children my next battle is with the ice cream man who sits in front of my house at least twice a day for at least 30 minutes at a time with that annoying music on. I don't mind the ice cream man himself but if I hear 'She'll be comin round the mountain' on more time, I'm gonna run outside and rip the speakers off of the damn truck.
Brian bibbly said at 4:38 PM 11-15-2001: Emily, I also live in New Orleans. For 50 bucks I'll do a hospital job, lead pipe, bicycle chain, you know, the works....
nathan d. koenig said at 8:33 PM 11-16-2001: Brian should adopt them, and move to the Tennessee mountains. They will start a bluegrass band and become great at clogging. And if they aren't careful, they may just learn something about themselves along the way.
