today i went to the library to pick up some of the suggestions y’all gave me. i was in the shelves of my friendly local branch, reading a book jacket, when out of the corner of my eye, i noticed that the old man standing a few feet from me was getting friendly with himself.

typical guy, i thought, adjusting himself in public. i went back to reading. then i glanced again a few seconds later, and he was still adjusting. not just adjusting, rubbing rather vigorously. [sweatpants ought to be outlawed.]

and i did a very lame thing then; i bolted. i know that i should have yelled fire or done something brave, but i bolted. i walked around the library in a bit of a daze for a few minutes, my stomach turning, and i noticed that there were a lot of little kids at the library.

i seem to be some kind of magnet for socially deviant behavior, so the whole thing didn’t do anything except make me feel ill. but what if a little kid saw this perv? i went back into the stacks, tracked him down, stared him down, and then i left.

i’m going to take a shower now.