We flew through thunderstorms. If you've ever flown through thunder and lightning and you're a bit of a pansy/novice about flying, you may or may not know the sort of bowel-cringing fear I experienced. It was pretty except when it SHOOK THE PLANE. Lake Michigan was gorgeous during the day. And there was a tropical storm in the gulf, its name was Allison, I kept looking at the map on t.v. and saying, "Hey, that looks like a tropical depression." But nobody listened they just kept pushing me back to the free taco bar; callin' me "hun"; and dropping all their terminal "R's." It was a depression and it flooded everything, and there was a tornado.
On the other side of why-I'm-marching-into-the-first-mother-fucking-Bank-1-I-can-get-too-and-removing-all-my-account-balances. I got my mail from the last week that I didn't have sent up and I got these three lovely missives: 1) Your account has been overdrawn by 434.13 dollars, a 250 dollar fee has been added to your account, please yank yank your records to reflect this change. 2) Your account has been overdrawn by 3 dollars to a total of 687.13 dollars please blah blah blah. 3) (Here's the kicker) This check has been returned as "mutilated" (the last paycheck from the schoolboard which I deposited) 555.85 dollars has been charged to your account. In addition, a 3 dollar processing fee has been charged to your account.
So, the bitch mother fuckers mutilated my check, charged my account for it, reducing it to zero (I moved everything else out after I deposited the check) and then charged me another three dollars for mutilating my fucking check. 253 motherfucking dollars for a mistake those motherfuckers made.
I wouldn't even have this problem if the motherfuckers hadn't insisted that I close all my accounts (instead of just transferring them electronically) and what's Bank 1 like the 4th largest banking conglomerate in the world?
In the meantime, ZERO messages left on my voicemail ZERO messages left at my parent's house. ZERO communication at all. Apparently a department in TEXAS handles mutilated checks. What's the fucking problem? Can't trust those Baton Rouge troglodytes to check to see if a routing numbers still intact? Or do the Tellers in Houston have to agree on it all at once:
Gathered around Teller1: "Yep, that's a hanging routing number..."
Teller2: "Naw, mahn thass juss indented er something..."
Teller3: "Well, we can't reech a consinsus, howsaboutwe's just charge the account for the balance of the check and another three bucks just to shit."
Teller1and2 : "Thass a good idea JR! Like that time we went up to Idaho, smeared peanut butter all over our genitals, at that oldfolks home, and had a go or two, that was all your idea!"
Foot stamping and hand clappin' ensue to the chants of," WE JUSS MADE 2 hunded and fifty dollarssss, WE JUSS MADE 2 hundred and fifty dollarssss..."
In the meantime the lady tells me on the emergency line, that the cashier's check they made two weeks ago for the move, will probably have the balance taken out of it when it passes through the Baton Rouge bank that issued it - regardless of what I do tomorrow.
In other words a transfer that was completely "impossible" to quote the teller, is quite a simple affair when they need to recoup a loss that they created in the first place.
So, to this great multinational, with its dick broken off SOOOO FAR up it's colon, I offer a big, gushy
FUCKKKKKKKKKKK YOUUUUU BANK KKKKK ONEEEEE. I'm going to join that very nice Hispanic, FDIC-insured bank down Clark. Bank One Doesn't even have a fucking non-pay ATM near my area. I guess its too ethnic for them, fuckers...
Brandon said at 3:14 AM 06-08-2001: I don't need any money for the fucking baby, that's taken care of, basically. What I need is my fucking money that's not theirs to have, I need my money so I'se can fucking take care of myself. Speaking of which, how's your sis's kid doing?
mary said at 1:08 PM 06-08-2001: I know that's not the real reason. You should have just said that.
My sis thinks to think babies like to travel a lot, to all of her friends' houses at all hours of the night. So this one stays sick all the time. But damn, he's cute.
Tim McVeigh said at 10:13 AM 06-08-2001: It's the fucking government. They're out to get us! Support your local malitia! Go rent a U-haul and mix some cow shit and other fertilizers, pack it in the truck, and blow Bank One the FUCK UP!!
caleb said at 10:36 AM 06-08-2001: ain't got nuttin' to do w'the gov'ment. it's fucking bank 1. they fucked me hard when i finished tech, just 'cause they could. drop 'em like a ton 'o bricks. like he said...FUCK BANK ONE!!!!!!
btw, i've flown through some REALLY rough storms...all i gotta say is there's no such thing as a perfectly good airplane. go jumping first chance you get!! kinda freaks out the guy sitting next to you, though. ;)
caleb said at 10:45 AM 06-08-2001: yeah, but it worked for that guy who robbed a hundred grand. they still haven't found that guy. besides, it's the most AMAZING thing in the WORLD you can do. go from complete CHAOS to complete PEACE in a matter of seconds....nothing to decribe it...just gotta try it!
shelly said at 2:37 PM 06-08-2001: they never actually proved the bones were his. i think most people believe they weren't. there were several old men who confessed while dying. one that seemed to have enough actual information about it that it might have been him.
dave said at 4:56 PM 06-08-2001: wow, i read that stuff and it was pretty interesting... i think the guy died though. it was -7 degrees out, plus a windchill factor of -70!!! (they were going 200 mph at 10,000 feet) he jumped in a business suit. it was icy rain. there's no way he lived.
Brandon said at 11:22 AM 06-08-2001: Follow up: After talking to a teller who then called "Cost Processing" I was informed that since the check was mutilated the charge would still apply. "But what if I didn't mutilate it?" asked I.
The teller repeated the question and a shrill little voice on the phone said, audibly, "tough"
So, just to be sure I asked the teller to verify this for me:
I'm being charged 250 dollars for a overdraft on a 10 year old account, as a result of a check that didn't clear because Bank One's microfilm couldn't scan it, because one of Bank One's other machines crinkled it, and because I didn't know to take any sort of action because it was then sent to Texas for close inspection, and then sent back to me, without any accompanying phone calls or e-mails, postmarked a day before the Overdraft notice was sent.
She affirmed this. I don't think she was allowed to. That's all I wanted to hear.
I left, because I didn't want to cause a scene in front of people that actually tried to fix this. Instead I called the "Assistance Number" on the overdraft notice. Wow, nothing like assistance occured. After I go make the appointment with R.
Then I shall purchase a matress, and a lock box - a camouflaged one: this shall be my new Bank.
Jumping, I don't know. I have vertigo, and an inordinate fear of heights. I was the kid who used to sit next to the ferris wheel at the fairs, while the other ones threw cokes and feces at me, taunting me until I threw-up.
mary said at 1:13 PM 06-08-2001: This is true. You all should see the pics I took of brandon skirting around the inner wall at the tower on the capitol building. The look of fright on his face is unmistakable.
John said at 3:28 PM 06-08-2001: Flying's not so bad when you're the pilot. I fly planes two and three times a day and I don't get nervous or scared at all when I'm the one doing the flying, but I still get a little uncomfortable whenever I'm a passenger. It's kind of like when you're driving a car and you hit a pothole. You know the pothole is coming so it doesn't affect you as bad as the person in the back seat who didn't know that it was coming. It works the same way with turbulence. You can feel it in the controls and react to it but the people in the back just have to ride it out.
evan said at 7:14 PM 06-08-2001: today i got fucked by bank one as well. im not quite sure how, but im going to follow the paper trail and see what i can figure out. im pretty sure i got reamed. i thought i had over drafted once and would owe them 100 bucks, apparently i overdrafted twice, and owe them 215 bucks. i paid it and got a list of my account action, and im gonna see what the fuck. im sure they screwed me, but i also dont keep very good track of my activity, so i can't really prove anything. just means instead of having 700 for the road trip i'll have 600... wack. on a good note, i have finally paid off all debts to bank one and can fucking drop their asses. drop it like it's hot, drop it like it'
s hot...
josh said at 10:57 AM 06-09-2001: i have had them fuck me with their overdraft.. because they start takjing money out to repay themselves... and if they try do this and there is not enough in there.. you guessed it, overdraft!
nathan d. koenig said at 12:18 AM 06-09-2001: I remember Hibernia having checking accounts with no fees. Banks have less overhead these days with increasing automation and thus less workers to pay. Yet, I agree they have become more inept and careless. Whitney is the ony local bank that has no fee checking and are generally friendly.
mary said at 11:16 AM 06-09-2001: Credit Unions are where it's at. I don't understand why anyone who was eligible to join one would ever use a regular bank.
anotherben said at 1:09 AM 06-11-2001: that sucks. after 4 they start charging you?? thats insane. the whole idea of atms was convenience and efficiency without the cost of paying someone to sit there all the time to give you money when you needed it. i dropped bank one like a burning pile of poo when they devoured premier and started charging me for random things like failing to put my account number on deposit slips and sneezing on wednesdays. they even tried to charge me $2 for seeing a teller when i went to close my account.
