I really don't want to see Brokeback Mountain. Not because it's about a couple of gay cowboys but I just don't want to see it. Every once and a while there are movies, even of the arthouse variety that I don't want to see. And now with all the hype and critical acclaim it's receiving I fell less inclined to see it.
Does that make me homophobic? I personally don't think so at all. It looks boring and depressing. Not really into boring and/or depressing movies right now. I just don't want to see it. Am I afraid I'm going to like it? I don't care. It's probably an excellent movie with great acting, great cinematography and great writing. The last time there was a mega-hyped Ang Lee indie-minded film (though it wasn't hyped to THIS degree) I also didn't really want to see it and when I did, was proven correct in summation of how much I'd dislike it. That was The Ice Storm.
A couple of years ago, Clint Eastwood's movie Mystic River received loads and loads of acclaim. I still don't like that one. I'm so in tune with knowing exactly what movies I am going to like or dislike that my percentage of movies I've gone to see that I liked dwarves the percentage of movies that I go to and dislike.
In fact I can think of a few minor changes one could make to Brokeback Mountain that would make me first in line to go see.
1. Make them gay rappers. I think it would be much more fascinating to see a movie about a pair of gay rap stars. Considering the level of homophobia and macho braggadocio that exists within the hip-hop community how fascinating a movie would it be if the reason say 2Pac and Biggie hated each other was not because of any east coast/west coast beef but because one dumped the other?
2. Make them gay professional athletes. With the existence of ESPN and the constant and passionate level of 100% wall to wall coverage pro sports receives, think of the emotional and psychological pressure it must put on the athletes out there (and there are some out there) who are homosexual. When Lisa Leslie of the WNBA announced she was a lesbian it created a bit of stir but then it fizzled away because, well she's a female athlete and for some reason that's more acceptable (that doesn't quite sound right but what I mean is for some reason people weren't as surprised that a female athlete was a lesbian as if it's expected that most female athletes are automatically lesbian.) But what if Kobe Bryant's affair had been with a MALE hotel clerk? It would have shaken up the world because surely our big male athletes can't possibly be gay can they?
3. Make them gay gang members/mafia. This is a very bad pun but imagine: Boyz in tha Closet. But again, going back to busting up the macho image of the movie mobster and the potential for violent consequences (and yes, without seeing the movie I already know that there are violent consequences in Brokeback Mountain), a gay love story set within the world of the mob or on the streets of [insert urban location here] would be immensely fascinating.
4. Make them gay cowboys...but in the old west. I have a feeling that if BBM were actually set in the 1800s and there were train robberies and bank heists and shootouts then I'd be much more inclined to see it. I'm not saying it has to be campy like that. But I mean more along the lines of Unforgiven, Dances With Wolves kinda westerns. I think that would be more interesting because it's a little more primal time in our country's history.
That's all I can think of for now, plus I really need to be on my way to work. But I don't wanna hear no homophobia crap as this weekend I'm going to continue to work on this cool little local indie film being directed by a transgendered person.
kaycee [email] said at 9:07 AM 01-25-2006: i just saw it, i felt guilty for crying. because it didnt deserve it. but grown men hugging shirts is bound to get a softie like me.
myriam [email] said at 11:45 AM 01-25-2006: THANK YOU for saying that finally. I really don't understand why any woman would find two guys doing it to be hot. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one.
PS you should see woody allen's new flick for some very sensual love scenes
brandon [email] said at 12:30 PM 01-25-2006: Women don't find gay men having sex hot because it reminds you that men don't need you. Except, you know, to make us in the first place... and um.. wipe our asses for those first couple of years... and to help us with the rent while we're working on that record/book/Ph.D. that's just going to change everything...
And nevermind. Fuck y'all. Gay cowboys having sex is fucking hot only fags would say otherwise.
myriam [email] said at 12:50 PM 01-25-2006: Ha ha, I'm just much to self-centered to find something that so clearly doesn't involve me to be arousing! I want to be in it, dammit! Especially with Jake Gyllenhaal, c'mon.
amanda [email] said at 1:25 PM 01-25-2006: I've always thought that the reason gay sex wasn't considered hot by most straight men/women was due to the orfices that it involves and said cavity's non-sexual function. Perhaps that's just my own view, though. I'm not into the anal action and it mostly just seems incredibly painful to me.
H. Pommefrittes said at 9:22 AM 01-25-2006: I think there's just something too shamelessly Oscar bait-y about the whole thing. It's strange, I like Annie Proulx, and I like Larry McMurtry, and I think the idea of cowboy buttsex is potentially intriguing, but there's something just so airbrushed and dull about Ang Lee's films.
jess [email] said at 9:38 AM 01-25-2006: (And I'm not sure why this is, because I am usually way up on queer-themed cinema. I think it's the consequential drag of the hype machine?)
kaycee [email] said at 10:02 AM 01-25-2006: and by the way, thogh this only has to do with your post in a "movies that should be good but arent" sort of way, but memoirs of a geisha was the biggest piece of shit i have ever seen.
ed [email] said at 10:16 AM 01-25-2006: I think all of your ideas would make a more interesting film, especially the gay Wild West cowboys. I'm not all that interested in seeing buttsecks, so you (well, the directorial you, not YOU) are going to have to make other parts of the movie worth spending the dime and the time on.
meredith [email] said at 10:20 AM 01-25-2006: I saw it with Linus last week. I liked it. I cried. There wasn't a lot of dialogue, which left room for a lot of good, understated acting, which is one thing I really liked about it.
brandon [email] said at 10:26 AM 01-25-2006: 6. The Don Bluth Animated "Like Water for Chocolate" BBM. Jake and Heath are anthropomorphic Dalmatian proprietors of a Brooklyn sex-shop specializing in kawaii BDSM. The secret to their success is that their fathers left them when they were very young and they make their own dildos from moldings of Heath's fabled unit. During the final drying process, Heath stabs Jake in the rectum and his tears mix with the materials used to make their fake cocks. Women and men report unheard of emotional resonance when using their products.
They look fabulous, are successful, are very happy, and are generally looked upon favorably by the community.
After a couple of MM a weird MMF with a butch dom, an orgy in a Chinatown corner store in which Margaret Cho as a Pekinese needs Bukkake to glaze her very popular AIDs donuts, and a scene of bestiality in which Jake and Heath are innocently petted by barely legal human actors who have no idea regarding the kind of sexual perversion they're participating in, the movie bows on the following seen:
Endless oral-sex in which Jake Gyllenhall works the shaft while cupping the balls. Heath Ledger then uses his climax to bless Jake G. in the name of the father and of the son and the holy spirit, before licking his own spunk from Gyllenhall's sculpted chest. Ledger presses his thumb into the remaining dribbles along Jake's flank and while Jake mouths the word's "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you." Heath mumbles something like "Et cum spiritu tuo" while Jake makes small gestures mimicking crosses on his forehead, lips and chest.
At this point, Jake is endowed with the stigmata and kind of like last scene of Raiders, semen begins splurting uncontrollably from Heath's still tumescent manhood, soaking Jake many times over. At first it is pleasant if sticky, but then, the pressure seems to increase and Heath's manhood really explodes, the momentary sound of ripping flesh dissolves as fire-hydrant type pressure is applied from without through the shredded hole that was once his pelvis.
Jake is almost instantly obliterated. His last words are:
"I can't quit you, baby. Amo Te! Amo Te!"
And he expires.
Heath has until his next urination to recant his homosexuality, which he does at the last moment, since his urinary tract is now aimed at his lungs because of the damage. He smiles just before he releases his bladder, immediately drowing in his own urine. They say it's not unlike going to sleep. Before he does though, he lights a match and throws it into the pooling inch of semen that covers the floor. It is inflammable, meaning very flammable, and burns brightly and quickly.
Years later, we see their cross-dressing, adopted Cambodian making empanadas in the kitchen. He's babbling on and on about his two dads. We see him cry into the empanadas mixture. There are cut shots of him making the dough, cooking it, etc. Finally, we see Carlos pool the finished, steaming empanadas from the oven. He hoists up his skirt and begins to fuck the delicious and traditional dish. From his facial expression we realize that the empanadas chilenas are very, very hot.
evan [email] said at 10:44 AM 01-25-2006: i think the gay rappers, or just gay guys in the hood, would make a really good movie. i've dealt with this a bit and it's a pretty intense situation. reggie, get to writing!
H. Pommefrittes said at 12:15 PM 01-25-2006: The strange thing is, I seem to remember the writer being just as confused about his sexuality as the DL guys the book was talking about.
H. Pommefrittes said at 12:39 PM 01-25-2006: Well I mean the whole "I define myself as Heterosexual, but I often enjoy being anally penetrated by other men" thing. To be fair, I didn't so much read, as peruse the book--and that was about a year ago--so I could be missing alot of information. I didn't know there was a follow-up.
josh [email] said at 10:47 AM 01-25-2006: #3 is dealt with in The Wire television show... PS best cop/crime show ever. rent it! Omar, the main gay gangster character, is so awesome and so tough.
jess [email] said at 12:31 PM 01-25-2006: I will say this every time Josh mentions Omar: OMAR IS MY FAVORITE TV CHARACTER OF ALL TIME. So well-written and just awesome.
reggie [email] said at 6:21 PM 01-25-2006: Josh, you're not telling ME to rent The Wire are you? I think I've professed my love of that show ad nauseum dude.
Will 2 [ url ] said at 11:06 AM 01-25-2006: From the Beaumont (TX) Enterprise
"Tell us what you think about the picture, the phenomenon or the state of American film. Do you want to see the film? Is there any reason it shouldn't be shown in this Southeast Texas market? Why?"
Will said...
Are there really going to be protesters and extremists there? This makes me ashamed to be a Texan and grateful that I moved to Seattle six years ago. At first I defended Texas when people accused Texans of being homophobic Bush voters. It is now confirmed that most Texans are indeed this way.
Open up your eyes and your mind.
It's a f**king movie for crying out loud. Don't watch the damn thing. I'm a heterosexual and I'm going to see it.
3:41 PM
Leticia Malone said...
I will not see this movie! I am very upset that is was made! This is not a love story! A love story is between a man and woman! And I am sick and tired of this lifestyle being forced on me! You can't watch anything anymore without somebody talking about gay people! I have nothing personal against the person just the lifestyle! I am very proud that KBTV did not show that movie! It is about time somebody started worrying about offending Christians! People are always worried about offending everyone else! I just know that this country is in a sad state, and when the day comes for God's judgement there will be alot of people who will wish that they changed their life! Not only for homesexuals, but all people who choose to live a life of "OH IF IT FEELS GOOD DO IT" I know one thing I am 100% right in my belief in God and the Bible! And it says alot about all the things that are happening in this world! I just pray for the world, that we would put God back in control of our lives!!
10:08 PM
Anonymous said...
"not a love story", "a love story is between a man and a woman"... there are many love stories and they are not just between a man and a woman...how about a man and his father, a man and his dog, a man and his favorite sport, a man and his country....
12:37 PM
Will said...
Leticia,
Your God is not a true Christian. I don't know how far you live out in the sticks but here in real life, people choose to pay for movie tickets. Nobody is forcing this on you. Educate yourself and think outside the box you live in.
8:23 PM
leticia m said...
Will,
I would just like to say that my GOD is the only God! And he is a loving God, but there are many things that He does not approve of, but he still loves all people! It does not matter what we do we all are sinners but He still loves us! And I know that I have to choose to buy a ticket. But it is not only the movies, but on tv there are many things about things that are morally wrong. If people choose to watch this film, that is their right. And my right is to not, I was just giving my opinion. But as usual people are rude to Christians. Anyone else can say whatever they want and all of sudden your called a "Hillbilly" that lives in the "sticks". As I said before, I am not judging people that is God's job. I just do not agree with their lifestyle. And by the way I do not live in the "sticks". And I have an open mind. I just know the truth and I am very confindent in that. I hope you have a blessed day.
9:11 PM
Will said...
There is a big difference between being a Christian (I know and am friends with MANY of them) and being a right-winged Christian fundamentalist. What ever happened to Jesus loving all His children? Where in the bible does it say I love you except if you are gay or bisexual.
10:19 PM
leticia m said...
As I said before Jesus does love all people! He came to this earth and died for EVERYONE! But it is our free will to choose him or reject him. And there should not be any differences between Christians, either you follow God and try everyday to live your life to please Him, or you don't. It is that simple! Am I saying that Christians do not sin, NO we do,and sin seperates from God's fellowship, but we have to repent and try everyday to honor The Lord!In the Bible 1 Corinthians Chapter 6 Verses 9-11 states alot of things that God will not accept! Now He still loves all people, but he wants us to turn from our sinful ways. And I am not only talking about being gay. There are many other things in that verse. So I pray that you can read the Bible and ask your Christian friends what their take on all this. Have a blessed day.
denman [email] said at 11:16 AM 01-25-2006: Wow Will you sure take up alot of space. Did you really just cut and paste the comments section of a website?
brandon [email] said at 11:22 AM 01-25-2006: I wouldn't waste my time talking to an ignorant bitch like that. Christianity, for the most part, is a cult and there's no reaching cult members except by forcefully separating them. They have to come to realizations themselves.
This woman is empty headed, she's just a monkey repeating what the other Christian monkeys have drummed into her head. You may just as well try to change the mind of an AIM bot.
art [email] said at 11:25 AM 01-25-2006: Leticia Malone (circa 1950) said...
I will not see this movie! I am very upset that is was made! This is not a love story! A love story is between a white man and a white woman! And I am sick and tired of these people being forced on me! You can't watch anything anymore without somebody talking about black people! I have nothing personal against the person just the race! I am very proud that KBTV did not show that movie! It is about time somebody started worrying about offending white Christians! People are always worried about offending everyone else! I just know that this country is in a sad state, and when the day comes for God's judgement there will be alot of people who will wish that they changed their life! Not only for coloreds, but all people who choose to live a life of "OH IF IT FEELS GOOD DO IT" I know one thing I am 100% right in my belief in God and the Bible! And it says alot about all the things that are happening in this world! I just pray for the world, that we would put God back in control of our lives!!
josh [email] said at 11:30 AM 01-25-2006: art said at 9:52 AM 01-25-2006:
First thing is you'll have to respond to a comment directly and not to the post in general. That's what the little [Reply to this] thingy is for.
meredith [email] said at 1:11 PM 01-25-2006: Um, I love cowboys. My dream is to be in some kind of western movie, but with martial arts. Like Serenity and Firefly. Shut up, Josh.
myriam [email] said at 11:53 AM 01-25-2006: I'm kind of tired of hearing about this movie. I've been with Reggie--I would see it I guess if I didn't have a million other things on my list to see first, AND if I felt like seeing a weepy drama right now, which I don't.
I can think of another film that I've been hearing so much about but just don't feel like seeing: "Close" or "Closer" or whatever it was. Frankly I'm just getting tired of hearing about how I "have to see it!!!" I just don't want to, it doesn't interest me.
andrew [email] said at 11:54 AM 01-25-2006: It's a great movie.
As far as the cowboy myth goes, it's not really an acccurate representation of the West. MacMurtry has said that. The West was much, much more dull than anything that has been in movies.
For all the gayness of the movie, the scenes between Heath Ledger and the girl that played his wife were pretty hot too. They're married now, bought a house in brooklyn and waiting on a kid.
Anyway, my sister went to see this in Baton Rouge and some redneck guy at behind her with his girlfriend and snickered throughout the whole film. Finally she just told him to shut up and he did. I thought that was cool.
Even with all the taboo and whatever, its a great movie.
Will 2 [ url ] said at 12:13 PM 01-25-2006: I'm a day behind on The Daily Show and Colbert Report. Comedy Central replays the previous nights shows back-to-back starting at 8:00pm.
woody [email] said at 12:34 PM 01-25-2006: Don't miss this one. This tough old cowboy is opposed to gay cowboys and he ends up listing a bunch of rugged actors who he finds "striking" and "handsome" including Tom Selleck.
myriam [email] said at 5:50 PM 01-25-2006: Reggie's gonna come back and be all, what the fuck happened to my post?! Who knew Reggie's thoughts on gay cowboys would be so absorbing?
reggie [email] said at 6:26 PM 01-25-2006: For realz tho' I was all 95 responses! Good lawd! Everybody keep responding! Let me catch up to Blake's Queen Latifah post!
