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meredith
The Ten Truths of Killoggs

This may have been posted in some form before but, whatever, 0 posts have been made today.

1. If you don't want to be attacked, don't post personal information on Killoggs. (This actually came from a Milky quote in the database.)

2. If you don't like graphic penis pictures, don't read Brandon's posts.

3. Wade will never have a head.

4. You must serve a term of at least one year as a question-mark head before Ben will scan your cartoon head.

5. Don't post images wider than 380 to the front page or Josh will yell.

6. Don't upload BMP files or Josh will yell.

7. Don't use his last name or Josh will yell.

8. If you are a troll, beware the wrath of Brandon.

9. Bibbly hates Jake.

10. Nothing is sacred, no one is safe.

Feel free to respond with more if you have a mind to.

[ 259 responses ] < Lists > < link >
[ posted by meredith at 11/10/2005 01:54:33 PM ]
[ trackback ]



Threaded Responses [ bottom ]
kara [email] said at 2:07 PM 11-10-2005:
11) moratorium on self-referential posts
boudet [email] said at 2:09 PM 11-10-2005:
I beg to differ on that 0 posts comment, ya snubbed my RV.

and yes, I've been yelled at a few times for using Josh's last name. You left out that no one likes Bradley, senior troll.
    meredith [email] said at 2:12 PM 11-10-2005:
    Dammit. You posted while I was posting.
    josh [email] said at 3:13 PM 11-10-2005:
    bradley has grown on me over the years
      meredith [email] said at 3:17 PM 11-10-2005:
      Who was the first troll? Was it Bradley?
        josh [email] said at 3:18 PM 11-10-2005:
        neilbert? though i know him.
          meredith [email] said at 3:22 PM 11-10-2005:
          Are people only trolls if they are annoying? Otherwise they're just random posters, right? Or is troll used to refer to anyone who just stumbles onto the website and starts posting?
            josh [email] said at 12:52 AM 11-11-2005:
            to "troll" is to post something that is purely crafted to get a big reaction; whether or not you truly agree with it, or it even makes sense.

            the killoggs version of "trolls" has always been pretty loose.
      bradley said at 3:31 PM 11-10-2005:

      bradley has grown on me over the years



      Is this the part of the story where we make out?
      [Reply To this] [#199292] [ip: logged]
Sesur said at 2:11 PM 11-10-2005:
#8 minus "If you are a troll," part.

11. Trolls/lurkers/non-heads may be subject to unreasonable discrimination for any reason.
[Reply To this] [#199216] [ip: logged]
    ed [email] said at 2:36 PM 11-10-2005:
    Your #11 is quite effectively covered by Mere's #10.
      Sesur said at 2:45 PM 11-10-2005:
      True, but I am being specific with regards to the headless.
      [Reply To this] [#199252] [ip: logged]
    kara [email] said at 2:36 PM 11-10-2005:
    its damned reasonable, you just aren't privvy to the reasons.
      Sesur said at 2:52 PM 11-10-2005:
      Reason is subjective, and I'm sure you all have your reasons to treat me the way you do. I embrace the humility; it's the most effective learning tool I know.
      [Reply To this] [#199257] [ip: logged]
ed [email] said at 2:34 PM 11-10-2005:
I am a living violation of truth #4.
shauna [email] said at 3:08 PM 11-10-2005:
variation on #10: dc is small, everyone will somehow read even your members-only posts about wilding in the streets, interesting word gets around fast, and you will be busted.
    meredith [email] said at 3:10 PM 11-10-2005:
    Whoa, seriously? I don't want my members only posts being somehow read!
    josh [email] said at 3:15 PM 11-10-2005:
    dish in a members only journal about how you got busted!
      meredith [email] said at 3:15 PM 11-10-2005:
      Josh, seriously, how easy is it to hack into a members-only journal?
        josh [email] said at 3:17 PM 11-10-2005:
        i dont think she is saying someone hacked into it, i think she is saying that since at least 4 people she works with also post on killoggs... word gets out
          meredith [email] said at 3:21 PM 11-10-2005:
          Ah. Okay. Awesome. (Although, I noticed that you still didn't answer the question.)
            josh [email] said at 3:37 PM 11-10-2005:
            i don't think it would be easy to do. i don't know how i would go about it if i didn't have access to the database.

            i guess if you had access to the PC of a person that used killoggs, you could pretty easily get access to their account, by logging their keystrokes or stealing their cookies
          shauna [email] said at 4:38 PM 11-10-2005:
          more like i *think* some people i had never met in person and never realized were on killoggs figured out who i was in "real life" and put two and two together about who unnamed people were. it was more "are you writing about me in some online journal???" uh. no. of course not. that was...someone else. oh, bad answer? uh...
        ed [email] said at 3:18 PM 11-10-2005:
        I think she's talking about leaks (i.e., someone blurting out "private" info at an inopportune time) moreso than evil haXX0rz.
      shauna [email] said at 4:39 PM 11-10-2005:
      we'll see. let's just say it did not make me look discreet.
andrew [email] said at 3:32 PM 11-10-2005:
11. haters bounce.
meredith [email] said at 3:59 PM 11-10-2005:
12. It does NOT take a while to become wise in the ways of Karadom. You either are or you aren't.
josh [email] said at 6:07 PM 11-10-2005:
At the time I recieved this, I didn't think much of it, but due to her tenacity, I guess I will share it with the community:

Sender's Name: Katherine
Sender's e-Mail: existentialistdilettante@________.com
Subject: Inquiry
Sent via http://www.killoggs.com/feedback/

Message: Josh,

After posting my last BLOG entry on Myspace (igh) I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt (no explanation needed?). So, I went on an expedition for a site with REAL writers who have interesting, diverse, and well written entries. While I feel that asking for a membership of my own would be deemed a moronic move on my part, it may be worth a try to ask how the others went about getting theirs.

Thank you in advance for taking the time to read my message,

Katherine AKA KeroseneHeart

www.myspace.com/keroseneheart

What advice do you have for her, guys?
    woody [email] said at 6:16 PM 11-10-2005:
    Just get into a lot of arguments. Eventually the gang will recognize your infinite wisdom on many social issues and want you in their club.
      milky [email] said at 6:31 PM 11-10-2005:
      you are correct sir
        brandon [email] said at 7:23 PM 11-10-2005:
        Eh, she's only been around a couple of days. And she's a baby (sorry, you are). She reminds me of a Ericanm without the mitigating/exacerbating hipsterisms. I can't say that I would argue for her as I did Art, Myriam and Woody. Maybe in a year or two. I think the bar on people you haven't actually met should be set
        1) at least a year of lurking
        2) can be dick occasionally, but must be more than just a dick, and can't be a stalker or older than Ed or Woody.
        3) Must be somewhat interesting in some way other than merely being an object of scorn.

        Katherine has a while to go for #1, #2 she started off on the wrong foot with the breasts thing, #3 is yet to be seen.

        So, no, not right now. I don't really see her getting one later, either, unless you want to start handing out memberships to every tit that stumbles through the jambs.
          milky [email] said at 7:26 PM 11-10-2005:
          I was saying it was correct for woody. This 19 year old peep, NO.
            kara [email] said at 11:18 AM 11-11-2005:
            I was 19 when I started posting on Killoggs.
              kara [email] said at 11:20 AM 11-11-2005:
              I wish I was still 19.
                brandon [email] said at 11:22 AM 11-11-2005:
                No, you don't. Fuck youth.
                  kara [email] said at 11:24 AM 11-11-2005:
                  I was so full of hope, life, and creativity.
                    brandon [email] said at 11:32 AM 11-11-2005:
                    Yeah, I wasn't. If I could, I'd go back to 19 and beat the shit out of him. Wouldn't give him a reason. I sure as hell wouldn't major in English over again. And I fucking damn well wouldn't have played caretaker to all the angsty bitches I spent my time with. Fuck that. I wouldn't tell him a reason, either. Dumb motherfucker, I'd hope he'd figure it out, but I guess I'm proof that he wouldn't. I'd still be friends with Linus, though.
                woody [email] said at 5:53 PM 11-14-2005:
                So do I.
          milky [email] said at 7:27 PM 11-10-2005:
          Besides, we had an unknown to ben and josh woman break in. And it was Pokey. And she brought the TITT-AHYS.
            brandon [email] said at 7:29 PM 11-10-2005:
            Yeah, but she hung around for way more than a year, if you go back in the archive and remember the other names she used, she's been around since 2000.
            Pokey does, indeed, have great tits.
            amanda [email] said at 8:16 PM 11-10-2005:
            Yes, but Pokey is awesome and has good taste in music, and lamp oil is something I have no use for unless there is a power outage.
              meredith [email] said at 8:18 PM 11-10-2005:
              Where's Pokey been by the way?
                brandon [email] said at 8:19 PM 11-10-2005:
                Cancers got her down, I think. Or she just got bored. We're kind of boring.
                pokey [email] said at 6:56 PM 11-14-2005:
                On vacation!@

                Actually, we just moved from Minnesota to Oregon while stopping and checking out the livability of Los Angeles for a month. When everyone who talked to me asked what part of the film industry I was trying to break into, and I realized all of my neighbours were hopped up (or hopped down, rather) on Xanax, to the point that they just let their dogs piss in the hallways, I decided that perhaps the Big City was not for me. I've been working on figuring out my new life, and so have been following the Logg only sporadically, and mostly commenting in the rec room.

                p.s. Cancer doesn't have me down, Brandon's hatred of women does. Why do you hate women, Brandon?
              amanda [email] said at 8:35 PM 11-10-2005:
              ...when I BURN the lamp oil!!!
            Michael said at 8:49 PM 11-10-2005:
            so that's what I've been mising all these years... the TITT-AHYS
            [Reply To this] [#199411] [ip: logged]
    KeroseneHeart [ url ]
    said at 6:18 PM 11-10-2005:
    I think the advice is being covered in Kara's recent post "seriously--":

    1. Reply directly to a response to avoid being annoying.
    2. Don't take anyone seriously, especially yourself.
    3. Don't post personal information unless you're willing to be ridiculed for it.
    4. Don't reply to someone's post unless you "get it".
    5. Go away.
    [Reply To this] [#199335] [ip: logged]
      myriam [email] said at 6:44 PM 11-10-2005:
      6. Don't be an ass.

      Otherwise, BINGO
        myriam [email] said at 8:58 PM 11-10-2005:
        These would probably also help your case, specifically:

        7) Don't post long diatribes about your high school relationships and the little boys you play with.

        8) Stop using that lame acronym. Seriously, keroseneheart?! Did you just think it sounded cool?
          myriam [email] said at 8:59 PM 11-10-2005:
          Otherwise, you're fine by me. You make a good toy.
          ed [email] said at 10:17 PM 11-10-2005:
          Is "KeroseneHeart" any lamer than "N*ckl*h**dEd"? Which, btw, I am still often referred to in local circles, and it's no longer even relegated to the original group of people who know what my moniker means/meant?

          This is not a ringing endorsement of KH; I'm just sayin'. Sometimes the nicknames we choose and/or accumulate far outlive their relevance. If I had not had this nickname for so long and did it not have such historical weight, I would have/should have dropped it at least two years ago.

          Fortunatley, I suppose, I have mostly escaped it (the nickname) being permenantly attached to my Killoggs head - which is why I didn't spell it out completely. Just as Josh doesn't want his last name associated with the 'llogs, I could encounter trouble in my "real life" if certain people located me here via a serch engine and associated my all-too-lifelike head with me.

          Which reminds me, I have to find that kwote associated with the nickname and vote it down. Even though I meant what I said, it's unwise to have Killoggs pop up in a Google search on that articular search term.
            myriam [email] said at 10:59 PM 11-10-2005:
            Your nickname makes sense and has years of love behind it. Hers is lame, sorry. What does keroseneheart even mean?!

            I guess I'm a purist. Just be yourself. Post with your name, or a nickname so much your name that it practically IS your name (à la milky).
              KeroseneHeart [ url ]
              said at 11:02 PM 11-10-2005:
              Well there are a million Katherines and Katies... Kerosene is close enough. I thought we were SUPPOSED to have a screen name, and once we got a HEAD we would go by our normal name. Unless there was already one of your name.
              [Reply To this] [#199497] [ip: logged]
                amanda [email] said at 11:05 PM 11-10-2005:
                You aren't "getting any Head," darling. The trolls we head amuse us as something other than punching bags.
                myriam [email] said at 11:23 PM 11-10-2005:
                katherine is a nice name. keroseneheart sounds like a cracker song.
                  josh [email] said at 9:38 AM 11-11-2005:
                  didn't they have an album, kerosene hat? man, i haven't thought about cracker in like... 5 years.... I haven't thought about Camper Van Beetoven in like a decade.
                    myriam [email] said at 10:29 AM 11-11-2005:
                    yeah, I think it was something like that! What's up, 1993, can you take your nonsensical noun pairings back, please?
                kara [email] said at 9:44 AM 11-11-2005:
                yeah i mean whatever its just a screen name, at least its not in toggletype
          KeroseneHeart [ url ]
          said at 10:53 PM 11-10-2005:
          I never had any high school relationships.

          KeroseneHeart comes from the lyrics of one of my favorite songs. "Devil in a white suit/talking to me/ he says I have a heart full of/ kerosene/ he says he keeps seeing me in the same dream/ in the web of an old heart string/ that's breaking."

          I guess it stood out to me because I take relationships more seriously than anything. And I don't just mean little boys. I mean friends... family... and significant others. It's a fault I can admit.
          [Reply To this] [#199489] [ip: logged]
      meredith [email] said at 7:55 PM 11-10-2005:
      Seriously, though, everyone who wasn't already a friend of Ben or Josh and received a head by just showing up has put in a lot of time as an active non-member and somehow endeared themselves to most of the Killoggs community along the way.
        KeroseneHeart [ url ]
        said at 8:04 PM 11-10-2005:
        Yeah well I sent that email to Josh the first day I came here. I just didn't know how you got to be a member, I wasn't asking to be one. I don't really think I want to make that a goal of mine, as it will affect my level of comfort when replying.... always feeling judged to see if I'm going to be accepted into the community. I'd rather just continue as a spectator and not worry about it.

        I don't really take any of you protesting to heart. I just got here the other day.
        [Reply To this] [#199378] [ip: logged]
          meredith [email] said at 8:06 PM 11-10-2005:
          I don't think I'm so much protesting as just answering the question you posed in your e-mail. I was unaware that you were no longer looking for an answer.
            KeroseneHeart [ url ]
            said at 8:38 PM 11-10-2005:
            I didn't ask Josh to post that. I don't know if he was trying to actually ask everyone or if he was just making fun of me... but yeah, it's cool. Like I said, wrote it the first day I came here. That's all.
            [Reply To this] [#199402] [ip: logged]
              josh [email] said at 1:00 AM 11-11-2005:
              a little bit of both! but that said, i personally don't mind your posting at all... i find you far more pleasant than many of the people who find their way to the site. at least you are making coherent statements and not just saying "yes i like naked fuck pics, send please" or something
          reggie [email] said at 8:42 PM 11-10-2005:
          always feeling judged to see if I'm going to be accepted into the community

          Oh don't worry sweetie we're going to judge you anyway. I mean really what else do we have to do with our time? But if you're curious about how to join I'd say number 3 on Brandon's list above is most important: be innaresting. Nahmean?
            josh [email] said at 1:01 AM 11-11-2005:
            i'll go on record and say that if anyone has sex with reggie AND brandon, IN ONE NIGHT, they can have a head
              KeroseneHeart [ url ]
              said at 1:35 AM 11-11-2005:
              I would rather have sex with Amanda. Her catiness turns me on.
              [Reply To this] [#199610] [ip: logged]
                Sesur said at 1:47 AM 11-11-2005:
                I'd buy that for a dollar!
                [Reply To this] [#199611] [ip: logged]
                brandon [email] said at 1:52 AM 11-11-2005:
                This can be arranged.
                josh [email] said at 8:29 AM 11-11-2005:
                i'll go on record and say that if you:
                1) have sex with amanda
                2) take photos
                3) send them to me

                you have a head
                  brandon [email] said at 11:35 AM 11-11-2005:
                  I'd like to request the provision be added that if received, before issuing the head that the content of these photos be verified by an authority having some expertise identifying an authentically naked Amanda.
                    ed [email] said at 12:01 PM 11-11-2005:
                    Hell with that, they go into the Rec Room for peer review!
                      brandon [email] said at 12:08 PM 11-11-2005:
                      ASS! I don't want everyone seeing Amanda naked. This should be a private tasteful, transaction consisting of the solemn verification of two moist hamholes mopping at one another's thighs and flicked pelvises.
                        reggie [email] said at 12:09 PM 11-12-2005:
                        Oh how I've missed you Brandon.
                        ed [email] said at 12:32 PM 11-12-2005:
                        Dude, as an aside, why is it I can never find you on IM? I've been lookin' for a while. You are still b****ode, eh?
                        ed [email] said at 12:33 PM 11-12-2005:
                        Not everyone, dorkweed. PEER review.

                        Are we all not some Southern-incestuous-family?

                        Call me Uncle Mister Ed. My nieces and nephews do.
              reggie [email] said at 12:08 PM 11-12-2005:
              What's that supposed to mean?


              And also, I'm cool with that.
            josh [email] said at 1:02 AM 11-11-2005:
            OH WAIT i was thinking #3 on the list was actually #1 on ZACK's list... oh well. anyway, the offer stands.
    zack [email] said at 7:38 PM 11-10-2005:
    my advice: listen to better music and have wild sexual encounters with the men of killoggs.
      reggie [email] said at 8:35 PM 11-10-2005:
      For those that didn't know this already, Zack is a genius.
      KeroseneHeart [ url ]
      said at 8:51 PM 11-10-2005:
      What do you know about my taste in music. I happen to be very proud of my library. I hope you're not using my MYSPACE profile as an example.
      [Reply To this] [#199413] [ip: logged]
        myriam [email] said at 8:56 PM 11-10-2005:
        why do you capitalize BLOG and MYSPACE?

        Also, you wrote the list, hon
        amanda [email] said at 9:15 PM 11-10-2005:
        Your "library?" If, by "library," you mean "enormous sinkhole of putrid, fetid shit slowly swallowing the hapless legions of good taste that happen to fall within the scope of the horrible, gulping gullet that is David Gray," yes. You have a library.
          amanda [email] said at 9:18 PM 11-10-2005:
          Also, where can I board the Mourning Train? It sounds dark.
            myriam [email] said at 11:27 PM 11-10-2005:
            Ask not for whom the Mourning Train stops, it stops for angsty teenagers only.

            You missed the train by about, oh, 12 years or so, dear. I know you're disappointed.
          KeroseneHeart [ url ]
          said at 9:32 PM 11-10-2005:
          I guess I use capitals in place of italics when I don't know if I should use an or an [i] to show emphasis. I didn't realize I even did it, I guess it just comes naturally.

          My "library" goes from Fats Waller, Art Tatum, Muddy Waters, The Velvet Underground, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, CCR, ... to Tom Petty to Nirvana to Blind Melon to The Verve Pipe Modern English The Gin Blossoms The Wallflowers to my new favorite (and will be famous someday) DROPASTONE.
          That's just a few I can say right now.
          Besides, how does anyone have the right to say what's "better" than anything else? Yeah... on my live collection I have David Gray. It happens to be Nostalgic for me. It's not like I don't know that his lyrics are terrible and his melodies are trite, rehashed melodies created just to be catchy. Whatever. Some early Beatles songs *I* think are complete shit, but a lot of people worship that skiffle/pop era completely targeted to young screaming girls. That's fine.
          [Reply To this] [#199436] [ip: logged]
            amanda [email] said at 9:38 PM 11-10-2005:
            Tags. You have to close them. And, um...also try to put them in htm