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Run Rabbit Run

Interesting Subculture #67



Have you seen this? Some of you may have, albeit in a slightly different context... Some of you in cities may have seen some of these marks on the pavement near you. Not me until recently.

Before I headed out on a business trip to Portland Oregon last month I contacted my friend Patty as I always do when I go there and ask her if she wants to get together. Being athletic she usually wants to go on a hike or skiing;- this time she suggests dragging me along to something new she just started doing - a Hash run (no not that kind of hash run) actually a Hash House Harrier run also known as Runners with a Drinking Problem. I had no idea what this was but I followed the links she sent me and it started sounding pretty cool. Especially when I found out the Mary Lou Rectum and Pabst Smear were involved.

Here's the deal. Each week (at least in Portland) one or two runners volunteer to set up a course anywhere from 3 to 6 miles in length. They become the Hares. They pick a starting place, usually a bar, for everyone one to meet and pony up five bucks. The ending point is a secret location where food and plentiful alcohol were to be found. The Hares take off while the Harriers (known genderly as The Whores and The Wankers) drink unawares. The Grand Masters of the club are told and after about 15 minutes let the Harriers know they have to chug and take off in pursuit. The Hares lay down a trail of symbols using flour or colored ribbons for tricky terrain. Beer and other alcohols are stashed at certain points in the course to allow for inebriation and to let slower runners catch up with the rest of the pack.

More inside

[ 20 responses ] < Activities > < link >
[ posted by art at 12/22/2005 12:42:20 PM ]
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art [email] said at 12:43 PM 12-22-2005:
I followed Patty to Jo’s Saloon in Milwaukie (south of Portland) and found a parking spot. I was in business clothes, so I had to undress in the car and get in my running gear. As I got down to my skivvies a tall girl pressed her face up to the window and asked if I was getting naked. I responded yes and she proceeded to announce it to the parking lot, which was now full. She also hid my sneakers.

When I finally got out of the car she introduced herself as Hairy Crotchna. Apparently after 5 or more outings you get a trail name. She introduced me to Coitus who lent me an extra headlamp he had so I wouldn’t crash and burn. I was to be Just Art since I hadn’t run enough. I later met Just Mary. She and I were the only two ‘virgins’ that night.

Us virgins were given a run through the symbols by the two Hash Masters, but not all of them as we were to find out later (to both my dismay and approval). The run was to start around 7 PM



This is the basic marking used to indicate the trail. Within 200 feet of the bar there would be at least one of these. There may be more than one of these in opposite directions to throw us off the trail. When one was spotted, whoever saw it would yell “On One” and proceed to look for the next one, which would become “On Two”. When a third one was found:



The finder would yell “On On” and the rest of the crew (40 of us that night, all with headlamps) would run to that spot and proceed in that direction looking for the next marks.
art [email] said at 12:44 PM 12-22-2005:
If this was seen:



It meant a junction, and the trail could be in any direction. The next markings were expected to be found within 200 feet and could be the real trail or a false trail laid out by the Hares. If the hares were actually caught, they would be stripped of their shorts and forced to continue their trail building dressed (or undressed) as such. A false trail simply ended after one or two ‘On’ markings or it was marked with perpendicular dots like this:



These were not used that night because that would have been too easy. The course totaled just under 5 miles, but I probably ran 5 ½ because I wanted to find the trail. Others would hang out at the checks and wait until the trail was found.

Much of the running was through neighborhoods, which resulted in many stares and inquisitive remarks. The confused residents were usually just told that we were on a beer hunt and that appeared to reassure them we were somewhat normal and not terrorists (seriously, some people were freaked out).
art [email] said at 12:45 PM 12-22-2005:
We ran through a large park on muddy trails and through some water. We could make out some people sleeping on benches (no moon that night) and we were glad we weren’t sticking around. Before we exited the park, we saw a park vehicle with orange lights heading in our direction. All of us were able to escape before the truck caught up.

At the end of the park I noticed a Check. Everyone else kept going because there did not seem to be another way. After my eyes adjusted I noticed a path between two houses which I followed and came upon a happy symbol:



This means Beer Near and beer was to be located within 100 feet of this symbol. I yelled “Beer Near” and the scattered crew converged and started searching. Someone found the stash marked by:



– a case of PBRs and two funnels. Funnels commenced. It was then that we found out we had missed the first stash which was back in the park and supposed consisted of a gallon of Rock Star and Vodka. It would find us later. The stragglers caught up and we all drank. Once all the beer was consumed, we started to look for the trail. No one can leave until all beer/whatever is drunk.

We ran through an industrial area toward some railroad tracks. As I closed in on the tracks I noticed three girls (Hairy C. Bonnie Redwings and Steaming Bush) waiting next to a symbol on the side of the road and yelling at me and three guys next to me as we ran past. The symbol was this:



I was not told of this symbol. If I had been told, I would have complied. It is a Dick Check and all guys must stop and show their privates to any girls standing there before proceeding. I ran past it as Hairy Crotchna yelled “Show us your penises!!!” None of the other guys did, so I kept going. The girls were pissed and kept screaming for penis as we went by. There would be a price to pay later.
art [email] said at 12:45 PM 12-22-2005:
Off to the side of the RR tracks the third stash was found. This one was located on an island accessed by climbing across a beaver dam (clever). Another case of Pabst was found along with two bottle of wine. I have to say that was the first time I saw wine funnels being consumed. Very amusing. In case we got wet or cold, we each put clothes in a stash car back at the bar. This car would meet up with us at the end of the run.

After running through muck and pricker bushes and crossing a busy road we ran along some lake through some sand. This symbol appeared:



I had no idea what this was but one of the Masters was running next to me and said it was a Sphincter and meant that someone in the area was likely to call the cops about noise so we all had to keep it down.

The next to last new symbol was found in another neighborhood:



Yes, a Boob Check. I waited along with two other guys as Virgin Mary ran up and flashed us. My friend Patty says she always gets waved through those because she doesn’t have any boobs.

Finally, the On In symbol:



This meant we were at our destination, the home of Mary Lou Rectum. We gathered in the garage and started to consume chocolate liquor bottles, rum cake, hot dogs, beer and the missing gallon of Rock Star/vodka. The woodstove was fired up to keep us warm. I was told the previous week the Hares had set up a bonfire and had chili cooking
art [email] said at 12:47 PM 12-22-2005:
The Masters called for everyone’s attention and proceeded to go through the post-run ritual which generally involved chugging beer. They called up the Hares (Mary Lou was actually a punk dude with a leg-long tattoo of a girl riding rocket) for a lousy course (it was actually a great one, just tradition) and making them chug more beer. The first runner in, Wild Man, was then made to come forward, receive abuse and chug. Bonnie Redwings and Harry Sack came up to receive awards, too.

Then it was time for Virgin Mary and Virgin Art to be abused. Mary couldn’t finish her beer so she had to pour it over her head. Both of us were asked who we came with and what sexual position we liked best with them along with other loaded questions.

Finally, myself and four others guys were called to task for not flashing our nads at the girls. We could each expose ourselves or get beer poured over our heads. The three plaintiffs got on their knees near the crotches of each guy in turn and each guy declined to drop trou so was doused. By the time they came to me, the mug was empty so I was given a pass since I didn’t know about this. But I was not safe because the other Master came up and doused my when I wasn’t looking. I washed up in the bathroom but still stunk like beer all the way home and was praying not to be pulled over. I woke up the nex morning still smelling like Pabst.

This was big fun and I recommend it to anybody, especially those trying to meet new people. The running pace was moderate, so you’d have to be able to run at more than a fast walking pace.

The Geek Shit:

This was started in 1937 in Malaysia by British Troops. There are 1700 or so Hash running clubs around the world. Portland has four. I ran with the Humpin Hash House Harriers, they run every Wednesday. Other clubs run every other Saturday. The Portland calendar is at Portland Calendar Most cities have their own clubs. Boston has the best website that I have seen at: Boston Hash The worldwide directory is: World HHH
abby [email] said at 4:29 PM 12-22-2005:
this is fucking bizarre. i'm amazed that people do this in america!
    art [email] said at 4:36 PM 12-22-2005:
    That's what was so cool about it - this big unknown thing going on without most people knowing it.

    There is one around here but i am guessing it is probably more conservative than Portland. Beer is always involved as are silly porno names but I am guessing the flashing and such varies
jake [email] said at 4:33 PM 12-22-2005:
I thought the tag line was "Drinkers with a Running Problem" ?
jake [email] said at 4:39 PM 12-22-2005:
It's awesome that you did this. How does your wife feel about it?
    art [email] said at 4:45 PM 12-22-2005:
    No biggie. She got a kick out of the idea.
    art [email] said at 4:48 PM 12-22-2005:
    I suppose this whole thing may sound more sexual than it is. Its just people being silly. You don't have to stop and look at titties and if you don't want to flash, just get used to wearing beer or time it so no one is at the checks. I don't see anything inherently wrong with it.
      jake [email] said at 5:10 PM 12-22-2005:
      I don't either but I wondered.

      The SF one sounded more raunchy, but that may have been sensationalist writing or regional differences.


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