Michelle Singletary, the Post's personal finance column, often relates anecdotes about lessons her grandmother, Big Mama, taught her.
In her most recent column, she shares this story:
“Shell, when you get to work, march your behind up to the payroll department and sign up for a credit union account,” Big Mama said sternly. “Make sure before you get your hands on a single penny of your paycheck that you put some money away in that account. And don’t touch it unless you absolutely have to. Do this one thing and for the rest of your life you will always have a piece of money.”
This reminded me of a similar conversation I had with my grandmother when I was 16. One morning over breakfast, out of nowhere, she says to me: "Here's the thing, Mary. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. And if other people don't like it, they can fuck off and die."
My grandmother rarely curses. I didn't say a word. We went back to eating breakfast. I have to say, in retrospect, that's the best advice anyone ever gave me. Any time I get mired down into the bullshit that seems an inavoidable part of adult life, I remember that bit of advice. It solves a lot of problems. Instantly.
Lola said at 2:25 AM 05-06-2005: The best advice my grandmother ever gave me was not to make up words. She told me not to say "inavoidable" when I really meant "inevitable" or "unavoidable."
shauna [email] said at 9:20 AM 05-06-2005: my nonnie was a lounge singer at a bar she owned in the ghetto in SC. she taught me that gay men were fun to dance with, not to judge, and to only let the hookers in to buy cigarettes. then they have to leave.
my other grandma was an abusive, bipolar racist. she taught me lots of prayers.
then there was this old jamaican lady who ran the shelter where i used to work. once i was trying to make a hard decision, and she told me that when worrying woke me up at dawn, i should listen to what i wanted right then, in my bed half-asleep, and that was the right decision to make. that's been pretty helpful.
kara [email] said at 9:33 AM 05-06-2005: I don't think either of my grandmothers have given me advice really.
My mom's mom taught me some cooking and sewing hints.
woody [email] said at 11:16 AM 05-06-2005: My grandma taught me all about the darkies. They're nice people and all, but they're different from us you know.
peter [email] said at 11:43 AM 05-06-2005: My one grandmother taught me that it's perfectly OK to go to the grocery store in your bathrobe and steal lobster tails. My other grandmother taught me to keep meat in the freezer for years and to force children to eat it.
angele [email] said at 11:57 AM 05-06-2005: I was not old enough to glean any world advice from my maternal grandmother when she died. I remember this simple phrase though: "children should be allowed to be children"
This was not imparted as advice to me, but as advice to my mother when I was lost in an imaginary jungle scene playing wth toys at a department store. My mother was embarrassed and told me not to stop touching things.
Intuitively, my grandmother knew something that modern educators try to capitalize on when teaching. Kids need to play, to explore, to have fun learning about their worlds.
I try to leave as much room as possible for children to be children in my therapy.
In their overcrowded classrooms, they are told to be quiet and sit their heads on their desks as they are passively read to or talked at. They don't get much stimulation.
Oona said at 4:47 PM 05-06-2005: My grandmother taught me how to do divination with playing cards. She taught me magical stuff and my mother was jealous because she never taught her.
milky [email] said at 5:52 PM 05-06-2005: "Live your life like you want to. I love you and what you do that people may not like is their own damn problem. Finish up in school so you can help people, chere."
milky [email] said at 5:53 PM 05-06-2005: "Don't marry someone concerned with money all the time. Marry someone concerned with working. Don't forget where you came from."
brad [email] said at 7:24 PM 05-06-2005: I guess the best advice my mother's mother gave me was, "Look both ways before crossing the street!" And had I heeded to that advice, I would not have been hit by a truck when I was 5 years old.
loren [email] said at 9:44 PM 05-06-2005: "Don't get old Loren."
She told me that about 2 weeks before she died, while she was in pretty bad shape, and it was probably the saddest yet most amazing thing anyone's ever told me. It was like being beaten with a huge Carpe Diem stick.
amy [email] said at 11:37 PM 05-06-2005: more importantly than what she said, is what she did. no matter how many miles were between us, i always felt precious, and incomparably loved and thought about. she lived 3 states away and i only saw her a few times a year. every time we would visit she would sit up until we got there and give us the tightest squeezes and the hugest smiles.
she read to us, took us into the attic to explore every time we asked, walked us through the pasture and taught me how to squat to pee in abandoned buildings. she made us fried apple pies and chocolate syrupm with biscuits. i miss my grandma and have a huge hole in my heart.
she never had to say anything to be profound, she gave me enormous love.
