(I've been thinking about actually printing these out to put on people's windshields. Would that be a total dick move?)
To the people who park in front of the Starbucks at the Six Corners, usually, it appears, on their way to work:
I wonder what makes you think you're so important that you can't find a parking spot like everyone else? I realize that it's less convenient, but you are not just blocking a major intersection, you are blocking a bus stop. Especially in a neighborhood with ample independent coffee shops, it seems bizarre to hold up traffic for the five or ten minutes it takes you to get your foofy coffee drink at a chain that has a bazillion locations all over the city.
myriam [email] said at 10:25 PM 12-18-2005: I would do it, but in a modified way, so that they actually read past the first sentence. Even though it's galling because you're righteously pissed, if you tone it down a bit i think it'll get more of a desired effect maybe.
if you don't necessarily want a desired effect, do it as is! :D
jake [email] said at 11:31 PM 12-18-2005: Yes, a more happy upbeat first line, then switch to the polite interrogation etc.
Also, perhaps take the time to hand write it and xerox on to college ruled paper so it looks like a note and not a flyer. Maybe even start with "I'm sorry I couldn't wait and talk to you direct..." so at first they think it's about an accident...
rick [email] said at 11:04 PM 12-18-2005: If they are parked in front of a bus stop, maybe one could call the police and offer a "tip" on where to give out parking tickets.
If they are going in to hang out, I would strongly suggest calling someone to have them towed.
dave [email] said at 11:38 AM 12-19-2005: This is very effective. I've done something similar before. Plus it's very passive aggresive which is very in vogue.
rick [email] said at 12:30 PM 12-19-2005: It was effective with me because having to get the car is such a pain that I was much more careful afterwards.
josh [email] said at 10:01 AM 12-19-2005: friday night i saw a buy stopped in front of never on a sunday IN A TRAFFIC LANE even though there was space for him to pull up at the curb... he was talking on his cell phone and he kept looking over at the resteraunt, and was not very mindful of the 11 or so cars stuck behind him.
H. Pommefrittes said at 10:34 AM 12-19-2005: Sniff, sniff...I remember the good ol' days, when the local denizens used to put bricks through the windows of that Starbucks, when it was under construction.
kevin [email] said at 12:42 PM 12-19-2005: right on. damn lazy motherfuckers. in dc i noticed traffic would often stall on a section of ny avenue, turned out to be a lane was taken up while they reload the photo radar speed trap cameras! business must be good
craig [email] said at 1:43 PM 12-19-2005: It's probablt better to address this letter to either the city, alerting them to the problem or to Starbucks itself, citing the disruption of traffic due to their business.
I would leave out the whole issue of other coffee shops to patronize.
myriam [email] said at 3:47 PM 12-19-2005: I agree about the independent shops. The problem is the idiot double-parkers, not the chain. However, alerting that Starbucks to the problem, if they've got a good store manager who realizes community relations are important to maintain, they might put signs out to discourage the practice, which would help.
kate [email] said at 3:37 PM 12-19-2005: people are freaks about their cars, and what if they caught you and went nuts on you. it's just not worth it, dude.
dave [email] said at 5:14 PM 12-19-2005: kate you can't go through life worrying about the crazies. you have to be prepared to drive anyone's nose through their skull if they are fucking with you.
kate [email] said at 5:41 PM 12-19-2005: ha. i guess it's true. i had a bad experience with a neighbor in new orleans when i accidentally parked in her spot. she went so psycho on me, that when i moved out, i couldn't even look at my house when i passed by it, it gave me such bad memories of that moment. she had this gigantic "emerils" tshirt on and i was like, shit, who hired you, bitch?
myriam [email] said at 3:51 PM 12-19-2005: Double-parking is a huge problem in Boston. People just stop right in the middle of the road, even when there are spaces to park. It happens pretty much every block on every street all day long. Pretty shitty.
Darryl X said at 3:55 PM 12-19-2005: In a weird coincidence, I wrote this open letter this morning on my Blog:
Dear Cell-Phone-Using Drivers:
I've noticed for a while now that there are some people whose social lives are so incredibly pressing that they cannot possibly be expected to hang up their cell phones while moving along public thoroughfares and operating several tons of heavy machinery. Those of you who do this--and you know who you are--are putting the rest of us in danger. As we all know, it takes a lot of focus and attention to successfully pilot an automobile, and if you spend too much of that attention on setting up play-dates for your shit-headed children or gossiping about what happened in class today, you aren't watching the road as effectively as you could be.
I know, I know. You're busy and you have to get things done. Fine. But here's a suggestion: make a list of all the phone business you have to do for the day, then, sitting in a stationary car (or, better yet, your home), take care of it all at once. And, if you cannot help but succumb to the temptation of picking up the phone and taking incoming calls while tooling along at 65 mph, TURN THE RINGER OFF. Then, when you stop, check "Missed Calls" and dial your friends and family back. I assure you, no one will begrudge you your safety or the safety of those around you on the highway. Just say "I don't talk on the phone while driving" as if you were saying "I don't smoke." Both choices are the intelligent, safe choice, and only an idiot would mock you for making them.
You may think that you can drive safely while talking on the phone, but, as one who has watched people like you for close to ten years now, I assure you you cannot. From the braindead Texas cunt who nearly rear-ended me on I-10 outside of Lake Charles in 1999 to the fuckhead in the Suburban who nearly killed a motorcyclist in LaPlace yesterday to the waste of oxygen who sideswiped two people on Lafayette Street the other day, I have seen again and again that cell-phone drivers are as bad as, if not worse than, drunks. Why? Because a drunk usually TRIES to drive well, because he knows he could go to jail if he's stopped. The cell-phone fucker believes he is sober and alert and thus has no fear of the law.
So, I will announce this. IF you are on a cell-phone and, because of that, come close to being in an accident with me, I will follow you and destroy your cell phone. Or, failing that, I will key your fucking car back to the stone age. Because as a new motorcyclist, I am going to start demanding more of my fellow drivers and, if they don't deliver, I'll have to punish them. Or, if YOU are the culprit, I'll have to punish YOU.
josh [email] said at 4:14 PM 12-19-2005: if you are using a headset, it's no worse for your driving than having a conversation with a passenger... maybe less bad, depending on the passenger...
also there was a recent article that pointed out that people who call themselves gamers tend to show no impairment when driving and using a cell phone... interesting.
jake [email] said at 5:18 PM 12-19-2005: With a headset: the jury is still out on that.
Some people pay less attention to visual information when they focus on an audio conversation.
Other people (like me) mostly drive better with a headset, because it makes me nervous/more attentive...
Then again, I drive best with a passenger, because then I'm not just risking my life and that of strangers, but also of a friend.
jake [email] said at 6:09 PM 12-19-2005: You mean someone who is driving nervously.
I'm saying that when I'm more nervous about the idea of an accident, I pay a little more attention, drive a little more precisely and less automatically, and make fewer "mistakes" like not noticing someone move into my blind spot.
Surely you've heard people say they drive better when they've had 1 drink at a restaurant, because they're being more careful? Same principal but without the actual alcohol impairment.
josh [email] said at 5:25 PM 12-19-2005: to me a passenger seems worse than a headset because when you are in a conversation, you tend to look over at the person you are speaking with.
craig [email] said at 5:51 PM 12-19-2005: I hate it when I am in the car with someone and the pick up the damn cellphone and start talking to someone else.
Why the fuck are we hanging out if you want to talk on the phone with someone? F'realz!!!???
jake [email] said at 6:21 PM 12-19-2005: What about when the person is intentionally rude or weird or funny to make the conversation more entertaining to you?
I do that sometimes... Or sometimes I just hand the phone over and say "Meet one of my friends!"
Darryl X. said at 6:58 PM 12-19-2005: I'm not a racist. Where the hell did that come from?
I'm a shit-stirrer, yes, but no racist comment I've ever made was genuine. I might say them to get a response of some kind (usually overblown), but I'm not a racist.
kaycee [email] said at 7:08 PM 12-19-2005: i'm sorry you're lonely.
here's some usless advice from someone who goes days without talking to anyone over the age of 7.
don't be DESPERATE DESPERATE DESPARATE desperate.
it makes the right kind of girl nervous and the wrong kind of girl salivate. it's simple instinctive logic...
ever have someone take a bite of something, make a horrible face, gag, and then say "here, you try some." ???
ever have someone say "i'm not racist you nigger lover... please be my friend?"
