Today I feel ready to die.
I mean that in the most comforting sense possible. At this moment, I feel assured that I could pass away into something reassuring and familiar.
I feel as though I could peacefully step into an endless loop of mornings of Autumns past, stepping out of bed to have oatmeal at my parents' breakfast table, mindlessly disregarding the mumbling coffee maker while I stir my bowl.
My mind would idle indefinitely in the muddled serene hour before life begins for another day. Half asleep and not yet ready to remember the troubles I'll be facing later.
Instead of stepping into the real world, I'd go back to bed, to wake up and repeat it over again.
What if I were to die right now - lay down and retire to an afterlife of October mornings, subconsciously waiting for a day that would never begin?
Thoth said at 1:44 PM 10-11-2005: This is very surreal. Anchor yourself to reality; keep busy in the real world. You shouldn't sleep so much, it can lead to apathy, procrastination and indecisiveness.
I am really trying to be helpful, please just ignore me if you have nothing nice to say.
kara [email] said at 2:34 PM 10-11-2005: I'm not trying to jone on you - you just obviously didn't read well past the first sentence, which was what I expected people to do anyway.
Thoth said at 2:39 PM 10-11-2005: I reading it again, you are correct. I got caught up in the context of your post-death prognosis and missed the entire point.
cecil [email] said at 2:26 PM 10-11-2005: I'm afraid of yet intrigued by the theory that whatever you think will happen when you die, that's what is going to happen; that the afterlife is an invention of the mind anyway so as you die your mind runs that this-is-what-happens-when-you-die program.
shauna [email] said at 8:34 PM 10-11-2005: that was beautiful, kara. i've felt like that a few times. it was such a sweet feeling. they say it's "bad" to think about the comfort of death, but why? matt bristles at any kind of discussion about it. it's weird.
cecil [email] said at 11:24 PM 10-11-2005: This is what I have thought whenever I have been so upset or depressed that I felt close to suicidal, I'd never do it because I'm too curious to find out what happens next.
