Hello Killoggs,

My name is Cecil Seaside. You don't know me very well. Yet we have been hanging out together for a while now. I've imagined that at one time or another, many members have said about me, "hey, who is that guy?" October 6th, 2003 was my first post. I was given a head without asking for one. I think Ben just drew it because he wanted to, and then decided it should function, rather than sit there in his sketchbook as if he had a crush on me. I kinda feel like one of those people--like an actor or a politician--who is given an "honorary degree" from Harvard or something just because... I don't even know.

Here's a true story: When I was in NYC in November, I met a girl from DC at the Beauty Bar. I told her I had recently met some kids from DC and apparently they hang out at a place called "The Dirt Farm". I asked her if she had heard of it. She said, No. I imagined it was some sort of band venue/flop house/food for the homeless distribution center/screen printing studio/beer bar/pizza kitchen. I forget when I figured out I was wrong.

Killoggs is weird. Half the time I don't know what is "real" and what is staged or sarcastic; and that's amusing, but being an outsider, it makes me tend to not believe that anything I read here is sincere, at first. It feels like I am at a party where I don't know anyone except the person who invited me. I stick around listening to in-jokes and "remember the time..." stories; I give an uncomfortable "heh" once in a while. I'm the one in the corner, showing way too much interest in the bookshelf, standing there, drink in hand and my head tilted sideways. I walk over to a conversation and listen, I hear an opportunity to tell a pun, get a laugh or two (and a scowl from Kara), and then I slink away to stare at the bad art hanging in the hallway. I've figured out some of the standard Killoggs joke replies. One is just to say something vulgar and/or nonsense in ALLCAPS. The most popular quip seems to be: "Why do you hate______?" Who started that one anyway? By the way, does Kara hate me? I think one of my very first replys to a post was a "what's in, what's out" sort of post that Kara made, and I said something that I thought was a compliment but she just shot me down as if I just called her a skanky ho-bag, but I was actually almost flirting. Boy did I eat shit on that one. And pretty much every comment she's made toward me has been dismissive. I've had a masochistic crush on her since that first insult. And then there's Brandon... I still can't figure him out. I definitely admire his effort toward what seems like pure absurdity; and I'm not being sarcastic about that; it's a worthy goal; and I'm not being sarcastic about not being sarcastic. (okay, that was kinda sarcastic) Basically, this is how I see Killoggs: Josh is the dad, Ben is the mom, Brandon and Kara are their children and everyone else is extended family, and this family is bent on taking over the world with their tyrannical brand of "freedom". Maybe some of you deserve to be siblings too, I don't know.

Anyway, I kinda lost my train of thought and I don't know why I wanted to make this post in the first place. But I do have an idea; a fantasy. I think Killoggs should get a tour bus and drive around the country, or even drive to Alaska or South America, maybe it could be a Mardi Gras to Carnival trip where you drive from New Orleans and take a year to end up in Rio de Janero, and you explode the bus in Rio. Everyone could quit thier jobs, all the members would live on the bus and post about the trip and it would be sort of like the Killoggs version of "Road Rules" but... without rules, I guess. No, more like a publicity tour. You could stop at internet cafes and give out autographed headshots. Head-shots; 8 x 10 photos of the drawings. Maybe there are too many members for one bus though so there could be two and they could race. And maybe you could get Pepsi to sponsor it because the colors kinda match Killoggs anyway.

Um, and on that note, I just gotta say, I think the torn paper with the blue background design is kinda... tired. Am I the only one?